Parenting
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@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
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I get to sit in on a govt anti bullying group a couple of times a year, my work is kinda involved around e fringes of the mahi. Biggest takeaway for me is for kids not to have their phones in their room at night - the thinking being their room/home should be their safe space, when often thats when some of the worst cyber stuff is happening. But trying to police that? Tough af I reckon. Especially as they become young adults aye.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
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@Paekakboyz yea all phones (inc ours) are in kitchen at night in our place.
TR Jnr doesn't believe that bullying thing, my kids hate me as I am always at them above too much devices (iPads, PS4, phones)
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
That is farken gold mate
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Great thread guys.
I don't have anything useful to add that hasn't already been said. I've got 11, 10 and 7, and they're all challenging in their own way. The oldest (boy) is definitely getting hormonal, and the girl 10 is starting to get really fucking grumpy. But I can't separate what's natural growth from the clusterfuck of this year - they've effectively been away from their close friends and family since 27 Dec 2019, and they've been living out of a suitcase in multiple hotels and airbnbs for the last 3 months without any organised sport or activities - that ain't easy.
They're all goody-2-shoes though when it comes to getting into real trouble, so I don't think I'll have much to deal with there. Shouldn't speak to soon I guess.
Teenage years look like they'll be fun times...
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@taniwharugby that is awesome bro, of course you've got to make sure the 2nd phone and the back up 2nd are located and confiscated too 😂😂
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My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
I'm gonna need a transcript of that smack down you laid on them the other day...
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
I'm gonna need a transcript of that smack down you laid on them the other day...
Like everything in my life I made it up as I went along so fucked if I know what I said.
It was fucking stern, and i spoke to them like they were adults.
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@Paekakboyz ha no other phones, TR jnr wastes his money on stupid shit, Miss 11 dont buy anything with hers...plus I can check what devices on Wifi 😀
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@mariner4life one of the things I find especially tough is the wife and I are often at odds with how to handle this stuff. She wants to engage and solve problems, I basically say "fuck 'em - they'll learn the hard way".
It is especially galling with the boy who, being a male, doesn't appreciate having a ton of words / advice thrown at him.
And here we go - she got home from work and goes in to sit next to him on the coach in the rumpus room while he's on the PS4. He gives her nothing. Just plays his game.
I walk into the office after a phone call, and there she is, typing an email to the year coordinator
I go back to him and explain what is happening, and about sorting out what he needs to in his head, because his Mum is writing an email to his year coordinator right now.
He's frustrated, says he's being quiet because he feels like lashing out at everyone. "That's fine and I don't want to give you an end date, but you need to think about how to sort through this and get back to something like normal.".
I'm betting he made a move on this girl he fancies and got the arse, maybe in front of others. That's going to be a hard blow to take first time around.
Dude. If he did that the boys has guts. I'm impressed.
If he got knocked back it's hell of a humiliating, but fuck good on him for having the guts to try.
It probably took me another mumble years on him to have that courage.
Buy that man a beer.
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
Replying to 2x NTA posts.
A while back I did a "help me parent" post when Ms Boo Jr confided that a friend of hers was self harming.
Got really good advice from all here (thanks) (but particularly from our dear departed toad ... which was bang on point ... credit where it is due).
Upshot of that and a little bit of googling was that self harm was basically trying to manifest the pain of what you're feeling emotionally as a physical pain, so you can feel it.
Helped me understand it. In Ms Boo Jr's fiend's case I could see what the emotional pain was (parental split), but hell growing up can be painful in itself.
Will possibly share about MBJ shortly.
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So parenting ...
I've been reluctant to add anything in case I give the impression I have aaaaannny idea what I'm talking about.
I've (we've) got through to 16 and three quarters still alive and in one piece, with MBJ still the most dedicated hard working student you could imsgine. I could not be more proud of her for that.
We've not however taught her to be self confident in her dealings with other people. I won't say introverted, as if presented she'll interact but she really hates it.
And my god she gets stressed. Year 11 mid year exams are doing her head in at the moment.
Mid teen hormones don't help. Complicated by physical complications girls sometimes develop (fuck being a girl, seriously).
The fact is we're all msking it up as we go along.
I read somewhere once that if we instill them with the right ethics from the earliest possible age they'll become the person you want them to be.
I am hoping (confident) MBJ will be the awesome young lady she can be, because her parents are awesome.
And I'm confident all your junior Ferners will turn out on the good side too.
But then again I'm only guessing ...
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@booboo I think that's right mate. Instill good values and trust that those will shape their decisions as they grow.
I try to be quite tough, I expect my kids to always try their best, be respectful, tidy, be all round good people. Not always easy but I try to strive for the best
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@booboo I think that's right mate. Instill good values and trust that those will shape their decisions as they grow
And understand you can inform them of your experience with making stupid decisions, but that they'll learn for themselves through making stupid decisions.
The facts I've gleaned about women are important to pass on. Both of them.
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My kids are pretty good - not without their issues and I have to fire up at them quite often to keep them in line. But they reward me for it every single day.
Mr 8 loves mountain biking with me and I can tell he has that fizz in his stomach when we do it and it just warms my heart. Ms 6 is much more trouble but most evenings she leans on me on the couch and asks me to carry her to bed - it’s daily heart melting stuff.
I hate saying no to them and never will on a fair request. This does have its own issues when I do say no as the shit can hit the fan. Have never hit them but I charged my son ( didn’t touch him, stopped a foot away)once in anger - he was petrified and pissed himself a bit. You don’t know what feeling bad is til you’ve done that.
These days when they get shitty I threaten to put them into state school. They pipe down fast as. There’s movements against people like me I think ....