Food disasters/horror stories
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<p>This thread is incredible, and just keeps getting better.</p>
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<p>I lost it at this:</p>
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="dogmeat" data-cid="598296" data-time="1468987322">
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<ul><li>leading an oompah band into a canal (literally - which is fucking cold in Feb). Somehow in the confusion I acquired a trombone which I kept for the rest of the weekend</li>
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<p>... and never recovered.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="MajorRage" data-cid="598305" data-time="1468989615">
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<p>Like all good stories told by people, there is undoubtedly some bullshit in amongst the brilliance. I'm calling bullshit on the above.</p>
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<p>I understand totally why you would say that. It was even more surreal than I said because it was one of five bars side by side facing the main wall that had glass walls between them, but it did happen.</p>
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<p>TBH it could have been a bridesmaid their wasn't a lot of conversation.</p>
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<p>I really cannot convey the totality of how debauched the whole town was - yet how friendly (well apart from the knife fight).</p>
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<p>So everyone is out to have a good time and is off their faces and throw into the mix a young reasonably good looking (at the time) foreigner who was acting crazy and whose face was like something painted by the town's namesake (Heironymous Bosch).</p>
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<p>I can't explain it but it worked and maaaan am I glad it did. Although the actual act wasn't as memorable as the ocassion</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="dogmeat" data-cid="598296" data-time="1468987322">
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<p>I was 19 and had only been out of a very backward NZ for 3 months so Oeteldonk was a bit of an eye opener.</p>
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<p>Good to see you got over your initial shyness. You should have gone back a few years later to test the limits! :)</p> -
<br><br><blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="dogmeat" data-cid="598309" data-time="1468991685"><p>
I really cannot convey the totality of how debauched the whole town was - yet how friendly (well apart from the knife fight).<br><br></p></blockquote>
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This is the gift that keeps on giving. And makes me understand just how little I've lived :think: -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="dogmeat" data-cid="598296" data-time="1468987322">
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<p>The best weekend session I ever had was Carnival in Holland. The Catholic part of Holland in the south, where they party hard because in theory Lent is coming.</p>
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<p>The whole town changes its name to Oeteldonk for 3 days and has a new mayor etc. Basically if you don't want to rage you leave town. Buses are free as are the morals.</p>
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<p>I was 19 and had only been out of a very backward NZ for 3 months so Oeteldonk was a bit of an eye opener.</p>
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<p>My gf of the time and I were staying at mates place near the centre of town. Celebrations are supposed to start Friday night and run till Sunday night, but as my mate and I finished our working week Thursday lunchtime - we started early and didn't go to bed until the early hours of Monday morning.</p>
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<p>As you can imagine much of it is a blur especially after 35 years but poignant memories are:</p>
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<ul><li>leading an oompah band into a canal (literally - which is fucking cold in Feb). Somehow in the confusion I acquired a trombone which I kept for the rest of the weekend</li>
<li>watching the oeteldonk parade. Just like the Santa Parade with floats and bands etc only the floats are things like a gigantic naked buxom wench on her back giving head to an eight foot high frog - oeteldonk has something to do with frogs</li>
<li>taking a guy to A&E because he'd swallowed his tongue and was choking to death. Only he wasn't he was merely clutching his throat and making weird gaaah noises whilst we could all see his tongue. I tried to explain but couldn't for laughing. I wasn't sure if that was acid or mushies but I nearly wept.</li>
<li>Saturday lunchtime two friendly young ladies painted my face with the entire contents of their make-up kits in a very unstructured drug crazed way. Which I still had covering my face on Tuesday. I didn't change clothes all weekend - at the end of which I burned them.</li>
<li>Being chased over the roofs of town by the police for chucking a TV on their car and then pissing on them as they tried to climb up</li>
<li>Convincing my gf that she should "break in" a young (13 yr old) guy we met in a bar as it was the friendly thing to do and look how nice the Dutch are treating us. TBH he looked terrified and gf and I split up after this weekend</li>
<li>somehow getting involved in a bridal party which involved a stand-up quicky with the bride in the middle of the bar which was so crowded all the punters moved in waves to the serving area and back</li>
</ul><p>Made and lost loads of friends over the weekend as none of them could stay the course but didn't puke once. Did get the DT's for the only time in my life which was sort of fun as I wasn't paranoid but did contribute to gf leaving me as well</p>
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<p>Never made it to Munich beer fest despite having numerous invites. Couldn't imagine how it could cap carnival in oeteldonk</p>
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<p>I have lived a sheltered life. That is the kind of story you can dine out on for the rest of your life. With the boys anyway</p> -
When I was about 22 i had a hard night in the turps and was sitting in the middle of the back seat of a taxi when the urge to examine to stomach took me over . Neither one of my mates would swap seats when they realised I needed to chuck and enjoyed my discomfort and the yelling from the cab driver about soilage fees and rubbing my face in my own chunder, I scrambled over into the passenger side and power chucked out the window and apparently wiped the chunder off my face on the headrest in front of me I don't recall that bit though.<br>
A couple of months later we were getting a cab again and my mate nudged me and pointed out the headrest was missing and then asked the cabbie what happened to it " some filthy little bastard got vomit all over it" was the reply and a lengthy conversation between my mate and the cab driver about what he would do to the vomiter when he got his hands on him took most of the ride home with my mate offering helpful suggestions about possible methods of retribution while I looked out the window and didn't say a word . -
<p>Bloody hell, I have what I thought was a good story involving the circle line pub crawl, lots of chunder, drinking games, a destroyed Burger King, a minor celebrity, a hot blonde Lebanese girl, epic pool play, blokes sleeping in an alarmed pub, and me being the only non Irishman in the Hammersmith jail and being congratulated by the cops for finishing the pub crawl.</p>
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<p>But it pales in comparison to the ones told above.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Nepia" data-cid="598340" data-time="1469003790">
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<p>Bloody hell, I have what I thought was a good story involving the circle line pub crawl, lots of chunder, drinking games, a destroyed Burger King, a minor celebrity, <strong>a hot blonde Lebanese girl</strong>, epic pool play, blokes sleeping in an alarmed pub, and me being the only non Irishman in the Hammersmith jail and being congratulated by the cops for finishing the pub crawl.</p>
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<p>But it pales in comparison to the ones told above.</p>
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<p>I call bullshit again!</p> -
<p>Speaking of action. This is True MR before you try and call me out :)</p>
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<p>Ex-wife and I were coming home (to Chislehurst in Kent) from a party in London in a black cab. I was kind of zonked and then I hear my then wife ask the cab driver if he would mind if we shagged in his cab. He said yes.</p>
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<p>Sure enough we made the most of the opportunity and the saltly ole sea dog even adjusted his review mirror so he could watch!</p>
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<p>All I can say is that Black Cabs are built for it!</p> -
Next Ferners reunion<br><br>
<a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='https://nl.fievent.com/e/carnaval-in-oeteldonk-2017-daor-zit-meziek-in/2468674'>https://nl.fievent.com/e/carnaval-in-oeteldonk-2017-daor-zit-meziek-in/2468674</a> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Hooroo" data-cid="598395" data-time="1469045276">
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<p>I was kind of zonked and then I hear my then wife ask the cab driver if he would mind if we shagged in his cab. He said yes.</p>
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<p>Cabbie's story, "....I said, Yes - I would mind, but they went ahead anyway....".</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Chris B." data-cid="598416" data-time="1469055320">
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<p>Cabbie's story, "....I said, Yes - I would mind, but they went ahead anyway....".</p>
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<p>Nowadays cabbie would film it on his phone, post to Youtube with a sarky title, and become an overnight celebrity who endorses air freshener and then appears on Dancing with the Stars.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="dogmeat" data-cid="598296" data-time="1468987322">
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<ul><li>Convincing my gf that she should "break in" a young (13 yr old) guy we met in a bar as it was the friendly thing to do and look how nice the Dutch are treating us. TBH he looked terrified and gf and I split up after this weekend</li>
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<p>Dogmeat is a BBC children's TV presenter and I claim my five pounds. </p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Hooroo" data-cid="598395" data-time="1469045276">
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<p>All I can say is that Black Cabs are built for it!</p>
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<p>The bloke who operates the FakeTaxi porn channel can attest to that. </p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Mokey" data-cid="598428" data-time="1469058876">
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<p>Nowadays cabbie would film it on his phone, post to Youtube with a sarky title, and become an overnight celebrity who endorses air freshener and then appears on Dancing with the Stars.</p>
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<p>with hilarious commentary</p>
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<p>"it's like a penis, but smaller"</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Mokey" data-cid="598428" data-time="1469058876"><p>
Nowadays cabbie would film it on his phone, post to Youtube with a sarky title, and become an overnight celebrity who endorses air freshener and then appears on Dancing with the Stars.</p></blockquote>And couple would get own show on bravo called "Keeping up with the (insert surname) after becoming a pornhub hit