Firstly, Veitch is a FW.
But responding to the current discussion, as someone who has had an abusive partner, I can only say that I had to constantly remember not to return fire because I knew I’d get dragged off (and kicked out of the country).
Ridiculously, it took me quite some time to realize that the behavior was a pattern and that it wouldn’t change.
Luckily, I also knew that my actions reflected my choices. For that reason, regardless of the circumstances, she would have to be armed for me to fire away, and for that I can’t really see clear to give Veitch any room here.
I too had an abusive partner years ago. I was a young fella a long way from home and I had no idea how to cope. I was never physically hurt, but fuck me the emotional shit was out of this world. This girl made me the angriest I have ever been in my life. She knew the buttons to push and she wouldn't let go. I would often cop it for something as trivial as walking into a room with a smile on my face. I would try to walk away from her but she would follow and keep going at me. I found out during that relationship that I would never hit a woman because if I was capable of it I surely have belted her. The relationship ended for other unrelated reasons, but I still wonder what would have happened if we stayed together longer.
She told me her last partner threatened and attacked her with a knife and I started to understand why as our relationship progressed. She did me a favour in the long run, my Crazy Lady Radar is finely tuned. Trust me, it's all in their eyes and their hair if you know what to look for.
My experience is so common. Every day I go to DVs where the female says one thing and the male says another thing, or doesn't say anything at all. I have lost count of the times I have been told by the male that he and she had been arguing and she would not let it go. He has tried walking away but she has followed him and said something that made him snap. "You'll never get to see the kids!" is common. He punches a hole in the wall, or gives her a push, and suddenly we turn up and we are dragging him away.
These things build, the frustrations grow and tolerance levels drop over time. A bit like Chinese water torture I suppose. One drop seems trivial but when you are exposed to a drop over and over again sooner or later you are going to lose it.
In Queensland the law is set up to view the female as the victim. As first response officers we are trained to determine who is 'most in need of protection'. And guess who is usually deemed as 'most in need of protection'? Yep, the female. All through our training the aggrieved (victim) is the female and the respondent (abuser) is the male. As males in these training sessions we speak up but we are talked down by the desk bound females running the course. On the plus side, female colleagues are starting to speak up as well, but they too are talked down by the facilitators.
Every DV we go to we are obliged to record the details on the computer system and we have to designate an aggrieved and a respondent. Most of the time we have conflicting versions. Earlier I said we are trained to view things as who is 'most in need of protection'. Parity disparity in terms of strength is most often used as a way of determining 'most in need of protection', so given the male is almost always stronger than the female the male is recorded as the respondent.
Policy makers, law makers and other stake holders use police statistics to further the agenda they are pushing. If the stats are not accurately recording what is actually happening between couples how can the policies and laws be effective?
We have many support agencies we can refer females of DV to. Support agencies for men? Yes there are one or two. But they are set up first and foremost to deal with males as the respondent, to help the male deal with his anger issues and violence. There is bugger all help out there for male victims. If you are a male, and you are getting abused, you are all but on your own.
I can’t help but wonder how many male suicides, how many family tragedies where the male kills himself and the kids, and how many murders of wives/partners are the result of DV where the female has been a psychological abuser and the male had nowhere to go for help, nowhere to go where he would be listened to and taken seriously.
I said in an earlier post that I could go on. I guess I just did and there is plenty more that I could ramble on about. This subject is close to my heart. I have been on the receiving end of DV and I have investigated DV. I am frustrated as hell because as a society we are getting it wrong, and while we are getting it wrong people are suffering.
It sucks that I feel I have to say this last bit, but…What I wrote above is not meant to be a reference to the Veitch case.