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    2. R.L
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    R.L

    @R.L

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    Location UK Age 35

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    Best posts made by R.L

    • RE: Happiness Scale

      Right... Where to start!?

      @NTA sorry if I've missed the ins and outs of it but your wife seems to be going through a huge amount of shit at the moment and yes ultimately its her choice to find some better coping mechanisms that mean overall family life a bit easier or manageable for her and for you. It sounds like you've tried to make suggestions to help and that's good but maybe she's so down life is just such hard work? You can't always see a way back to normality when everything is weighing you down.
      I can't personally relate to the sex issue but I've known plenty of women (my age range) who have had dry spells, one admitted she'd gone up to 3 years without having sex with her husband and it baffled me but they got it back after some issues were aired. Resentment towards eachother, change of/lose of roles within their family live, betrayal, physical/mental ill health all, sorts of things that ultimately effect a relationship will effect the intimate bonds you have.

      I may have missed the part where you've said this but have you asked her why? What's her reason for not wanting sex? @canefan prob applies to you too and anyone else.

      A few suggestions/questions if not mentioned already...

      Maybe go the other way completely. Don't be about the sex don't talk about it don't initiate etc you've gone this long try a diff approach. BUT do try to be intimate in other ways, look at your wife and smile at her for no reason, make eye contact, find subtle ways to show her you are attracted to her without being too in her face. Show her that YOU are HER MAN. Men have ways of handling women that communicate a very subtle reassuring dominance/protectiveness (and I don't mean in an oppressive way) like a really quick brief shoulder squeeze with a kiss on the forehead as you pass by or something like that. It just shows you are there, if that's not where you are at even asking if she needs a hug and you be the one to break away first so you aren't accused of being after sex. Rub her arm in passing, just reintroduce a bit of physical contact if you are at the stage of zero contact. Compliments might help too, be nice do nice things for her, not for the sex but because you want her to feel happier, the better she feels about herself the better she will feel about you and that's moving in the right direction.
      You can't pour from an empty cup. And look, she knows it's shit on you, she probably doesn't act sympathetic but I bet she feels like shit knowing she's not pleasing you in that way and that will be a vicious circle of feeling shitness to get out of.

      I absolutely get that you are probably feeling "why should I make the effort I'll only get pushed back" but someone has to try or you accept your lot, or you cheat (no one likes a cheat) or you split up. The fact you guys are talking about it here to a bunch of polish chicks surely means you want to try and fix it. It has to be a natural turn around though because you don't want to throw ultimatums around and her have sex with you and not want to be there (that's really shit and equally as damaging) . Sounds clichΓ© but it's about getting the spark back and getting back to who you guys were to start with or learning about the people you are now. Unfortunately a whole lot of life happens and people can change or lose sight of things.

      I'm no relationship expert, I've been a bit vocal about having a hard time during lockdown and we've struggled and have set backs most weeks but we are moving in a better direction now. And I will be honest without getting into too much detail- as bad as we've been over the last year and a half we've been pretty "active" yet intimacy has lacked at times because I've not particularly wanted sex with him- but just wanted sex, and he knew, guys know too, you shouldn't use your partner. We weren't even speaking to eachother whilst being in the same room at one point just existing together, hence huge amount of fern time, or excessive cleaning or working when I didn't need to, with the odd great sparkly day thrown in and then back to shitness.. And that was worse for me, feeling like that was going to be my life.
      It always takes two no matter what the issue is, if you aren't getting something out of the relationship that you need, what aren't they getting from you? There will be something big or small. Finding out and finding a solution can help, or maybe it won't and it'll be the communication that either fixes or ends you.
      Mr RL wanted more time together again just us and I'd pulled back because I'd got resentful for him previously working away a lot and that's when the damage was done and then when he started a new business which meant he was home more I was then helping him with that, changed my own work and had a child and yet he thought nothing had changed.I felt like a different person..The years just fly by but so much can happen that can change you without realising. We've both had stresses that have added to overall shittiness over the years too, his family being one of them and he also holds on to a few things from my past relationship before him and I find that really frustrating. There have been incidents of betrayal I guess you can call it on both our parts too over the years which is the shittest thing to get past. I've always had trust issues and tend to have high walls. Moving in a better direction though and that's what matters. All we did was talk talk and talk when we got to a particularly explosive point because that was all we could do in the end. And now we keep that communication open.
      Some people have mentioned counselling etc above but I would have hated that with a passion but then it may have got us speaking sooner?

      Happiness scale for me I probably couldn't share,I try and find something to be happy about everyday but my life isn't where I thought it would be or hoped it would be and I've lived with a feeling of being bit incomplete or lost for most of my life - man that sounds depressing and I really don't mean it like that, I have reasons I wouldn't go into on here. My daughter has helped me sort of let go of a few things I felt I should have done or I've given myself permission to move on from goals I'd set myself etc,i guess when you have your own child it puts things into perspective but opens another can of worms in other ways.

      Guys I hope you get laid soon, I mean that most sincerely. 🀞🏻

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus - Overall

      I don't want to get all full on journal here but its been an eventful weekend.
      Work colleague sent home Thursday with symptoms is very poorly, her friend had been hospitalised Friday, died the same night, she was 70 so has 10 years on my colleague. Extremely sad to hear and my colleague lives alone, we are all keeping in touch with her but she's now feeling dreadful and grieving.
      Two other colleagues have been poorly but manageable similar symptoms to eachother (sore throat dry cough and diarrhoea) , their husbands however are on about day 7 and feeling worse than ever, one of which works with a guy who is now in intensive care only 48.
      Fourth colleauge is on day 2 of what we hope is recovery and now can talk without coughing and has the energy to get around the house. She's 62. (I work with a lot of older ladies)
      A friend of ours is a male nurse at a local surgery, hes on day 7 too woke up feeling better, husband tells me he put on his Facebook he's feeling great then his wife updated it a few hrs back saying false alarm he's back downhill again.

      Thankful I worked those last two weeks at home and not been in any contact with above colleagues.
      Really seems to be hitting men pretty bad apart from that one older lady who sadly died, also this pattern of feeling better then getting worse again hearing that a lot.

      Shits getting real now, definitely feeling more scared about it.

      Stay safe guys.
      πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜’

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Happiness Scale

      Crying.
      Top notch ferning.
      What you've all done here may have been therapeutic to yourselves, but you will definitely have helped at least one other person by sharing it.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus memes

      Screenshot_20200701_170404.jpg

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      118652004_321787249058949_1307126710881694397_n.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      Has anyone else adapted to the current level of shitness too? I think last week escalated to a new level of shit, and now I'm adapting to that too. Work will trigger me, it's always work and then I'll panic about it all like omg let me live on the moon and then I sleep and get over it.
      Home is my complete haven at the moment, it's just perfect and I can forget what is going on in the world to a degree. If I was going to work and coming home to any empty house that would be tough...
      Thinking of any ferners struggling.
      alt text

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      IMG-20201217-WA0023.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @SynicBast alt text

      Crying on the inside...
      Felt really daft for posting personal stuff on here the other day, almost as cringe as my twitter video...
      But thanks anyway all.

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      137528857_3850904631588795_6060272857808042448_n.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus - Overall

      @chimoaus said in Coronavirus - Overall/Rest of the World:

      @Baron-Silas-Greenback If you were in power what would you do.

      alt text
      Don't ask him of all people that!

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L

    Latest posts made by R.L

    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @act-crusader thanks, mum guilt has been through the roof, but hopefully it's the last ever time I'll have to home school and work from home.

      And if any smart arse pipes up and says "well pandemics are probably going to be more frequent now bla bla bla" then my response is two words long with a hand gesture. πŸ–•πŸ»

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @majorrage have a daytime bath, it's soothing

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @Catogrande when she's in bed tonight I'm ordering an Italian, something really carby and creamy and some zucchini fritti. THEN I'll open the gin.

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @canefan never during the day...

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      A week to go until my little lamb returns to school and I could make a kebab out of her today...
      alt text

      We've both hit a wall, she hates the sight of a laptop and I suspect she actually hates her teacher now (the one on the screen not the fake mum teacher)
      I've sacked it all off for the day, left my work laptop on and have zero guilt, currently soaking in the bath eating houmous and cucumber whilst she plays with her lego in her room.

      She's 5, she can count and she can read better than most kids her age, she will be OK for today.

      Anyone else getting a bit crazy even though the end of lockdown is in sight-ish?

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      @mn5 see you are so much better when you post stuff you haven't posted before... This one made me chuckle.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: TV Serieseseses

      @bones I need this in my life now!!

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: TV Serieseseses

      @taniwharugby watching tonight!! Funfact for all you U2 fans (don't all rush at once) Bonos daughter is the "wife"

      Heard good stuff about it. A bit sexy too?

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: What are you listening to, right now................

      @pakman Blondie all the waaaaay! Great tune.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Hawt discussion (lots of PG13 gifs/pics)

      @mariner4life are you a silver fox? Lol

      Hair shmair, it's all in the eyes for me.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L