oh God @Nepia will cream his daks when he reads this....

Skyfall (2012)

Epic instalment. 92%. The 70's tinpot days may as well have been last century. Oh. They were. Anyway, they cut out the epileptic hyperspeed action camera work but it was still intense as hell and the blonde simian baddie was ALL-TIME. No wonder he was so butthurt though, Judi Dench kind of left him out to dry by trading the poor cunt for 6 first round draft picks at some stupid spyswap

Dench and Bond were so good together, absolutely British, stiff upper lip right to the morbid end, none of that cloying sickly sentimentality that the seppos traffic in with so much weepy abandon.

Spectre (2015)

more awesome shit. The polite kraut from Inglourious Basterds was almost too polite as the baddie though.

so, in oversight, having just watched about 57 Boned films in 4 weeks, the 60's was a huge deal, 70's poured in the budget $$ to be the It thing with Rog, 80's it was supplanted by Star Wars/Indy Jones etc, 90's killed by Matrix/Potter etc when the whole series took a backseat as just another film thing, hardly helped by anachronistic views on wimmen as being some sort of decorative dolly bird raffle prizes, then this century still ekeing out the franchise, CGI helped with the action shit, but not enough as a cultural thing, theyre still painted into a corner as that quaint old thing pottering away in the shadow of Transformers/Marvel epics.

so basically, came out of the gate charging in the 60's, rode the contrails to superstardom in the 70's and then, by 1979, having been killed as a cultural touchstone by Star Wars, flapped about with some slick further instalments but really just playing out the string.

Quantum of Solace (2008)

The home straight of the Boned marathon now. This one, only 65% on RT. Too much thinky thinky from the start. WFT was going on. Not here for thinky. Plus the whole new fad of choppy hyperspeed action camera work just gave my wanger eye tourettes. Just slow the fuck down. The clankily analogue pedestrian 70's stuff was more fun.

Add in all the double-crossing in this one, who's who, who's on first, is Bernard from Westworld a robot or not, ffs, I was half checked out from early on.

Casino Royale (2006)

CGI era kicks in. Daniel Craig takes advantage, opening action scene, woah, that thrilling hi-speed fancy dan camera shit never happened in the doofusland 70's instalments. Took Craig all of 30 minutes to supplant Connery as alltime #1 Bond. Fast, athletic, even got some wee beach muscles in there. Bit wooden with the sook scenes but fuck that shit anyway. 94% on RT. Timothy Dalton? GTFO. Timothy fucking Dalton. They may as well have had Stevie fucken Hawking as 007 instead of that charisma-bypassed vanilla git.

yeah the Akira thing is repetitive but ffs it's still got me fuckign steamed.

All due respect but fuck Foxy and his mealy-mouthed lip service. Just like with Hika Elliot it's left to us internet nerds to parse together apocryphal dickhead behaviour clues as to why the alpha male is getting bypassed. Today's narrative is he7s a pisshead. I suppose it's noble of the coaches to not come and out call players flat-out dickheads in public BUT if they did just come out and say it in plain English everyone would kind of know where they stood. "If we're picking TEN loosies ahead of you, in a touring squad of 51 goddamn players, then read the tea leaves buddy, you are UN-FUCKEN-WANTED."

"Work-ons"? Hey, how about the novel idea of a coterie of world class coaches actually doing some successful fucking coaching on the bastard? Who would've presumed that the cloistered, cotton-woolled, gravy train cartel bastards might like an actual fucken knotty coaching challenge for the first time in their cushy tenures? Instead of just pencilling in the 23 names that every man, woman and child in New Zealand could jot down to 90% accuracy in their fucken sleep after dozing thru half a round of super fucken rugby.

The quibble that he doesnt run onto the ball enough is a cop-out. HOW ABOUT ALL THE OTHER SHIT HE DOES for 80 minutes? Does that devastating shit not count? Why focus on that one facet? Cop. Out. CAN EVERY AB DO EVERY PART OF THEIR REQUIRED SKILLSET TO FUCKEN PERFECTION? LIKE FUCK DICK FRIZZLE/HEMOPE/EVANS/DILLON HUNT/INSERT ANY FUCKEN DIKHED LOOSEIE NATIONWIDE CAN. IOANE SPENT ALL SOUP SEASON OWNING THE FUCKEN LOT OF THEM. WHEN THEY WERE EVEN CONSIDERED GOOD ENOUGH TO GET A FUCKEN RUN. LUKE SHITELOCK? GET THAT IMPACT-FREE FUCKEN JOURNEYMAN PLACEHOLDER SHIT OUTTA HERE.

Akira can kick everyone's arse at soup level till the fucken cows come home. Say hello to your Hika Elliotesque AB career, buddy.

"HEYYYY, never mind that iron horse kicking arse all over the place in these soup games, how about that Dick Frizzle fella dozing over there on the Landers bench? Fuck his 'work-ons', he can play ok for the last 10 minutes of each game, looking fresh out there, so let's not just pick him for the AB squad but make him our starting 6 despite us having never seen him play 80 minutes of rugby in his whole fucken life."

it might get interesting if, or when, 2 or 3 of these loosies go down injured....

"It is with GREAT REGRET that the Investec New Zealand Rugby Football All Blacks announce that the following player has been drafted into the squad as an injury replacement: akira ffs. Kupu Vanisi's phone was off the hook and Martin Holah is still not returning our calls."

stuff.co.nz front page lol

This fucken FFSFffifita clown, can you just imagine if it was Akira who blabbed this to the media like a butthurt little bitch:

"He (Hansen) said he signed Hemopo to play six, not lock, I kind of feel like he's not telling the truth. I like six because I can use my athleticism to do what I can do on the outside, rather than just stay tight and do the hard work like running into a brick wall and getting your body tired"

Hansen: "Well, why don't you just fuck off to Toulon then you huge awesome terrifying cunt who has just publicly called me a fucken liar and then told the entire fucken country that he doesn't like being asked to play rugby for a fucking living."

FFS. Akira has CLEARLY somehow ran afoul of the No Dickheads test

Let's review Shag's selection notes:

Loose Forwards:

Reado and Ardie: always going to pick these two:
Dick Frizzle: injured (RSI bum splinters from Landers bench. could've happened to anyone)

Luke Whitelock: a cantab so must be a good bloke. On tour it's all about having good blokes around that I can relate to. I can't relate to that huge terrifying hua from Auckland. He scares me. Holding up mauls by himself, all that frightening rugby stuff, gah, no thank you.
Dalton Papalii: 21 and uncapped? fuckit still seems like a better bloke than that scary bully boy "Akira" (sp?) dickhead from Auckland.
Matt Todd: gave the fuck up and went to Japan. That Akira fella didn't give up and go to Japan oops hang on, shot my own argument in the foot there, scribble that part out if you wouldn't mind thanks Fozzie
Jackson Hemopo: all these Highlanders. So many I get mixed up!
Gareth Evans: 27 year old journeyman. ANOTHER Highlander! Something must be really brewing down there!
Dillon Hunt: did fuckall for the landers in soup rugby. Nice lad though. Not like that Akira fella. Can't stand that guy.
Vaea Fifita: called me a "fucking liar" and confessed he "hates doing rugby work". fuckit I still like the guy better than I like Akira, who, incidentally, I fucking hate.
Liam Squire: flat track bully who gets injured the minute he plays against big boys. At least he has a mullet. Akira? No mullet. Another black mark next to this "Akira" fellas name.