-
-
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid outcry from conservatives demanding Trump tip the balance of the Supreme Court, Trump has nominated himself for a seat on the highest court in the land.
"Sometimes, you just gotta do a job yourself," Trump said. "These other judges don't know the law like I do. I actually know all the laws. I know all the best laws, and some of the bad ones too. At least some people say they're bad. I think they might be right. We should stop listening to the bad laws. We shouldn't even have them, really. I will make all the best decisions as a judge. Some loser judges are taking advantage of this country and it's a total disgrace. I will make it all better, way better."
According to sources, Trump plans to hold the office of President and Supreme Court Justice at the same time. Citing his experience as a judge for Miss Universe as well as his time on The Apprentice, Trump is promising to make it "look easy."
Lawyers are scrambling to figure out whether Trump can do this legally. Mitch McConnell has vowed to rush the confirmation through the Senate as quickly as possible. Lawmakers found they were too late, however, when they found Trump had already purchased a black robe on Amazon and taken a seat on the bench, refusing to leave.
In his first unilateral decision as Supreme Court Justice, he has decreed that all cereal manufacturers must now reclassify their product as soup.
-
Not really a meme, but a true story. Wasn't sure where to put it.
The Death Of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Pushed Me To Join The Satanic Temple
“I am a 40-something attorney and mother who lives in a quiet neighborhood with a yard and a garage full of scooters and soccer balls. I am not the type of person who would normally consider becoming a Satanist, but these are not normal times.” -
Fisher-Price Releases 'My First Peaceful Protest' Playset With House You Can Actually Burn Down
EAST AURORA, NY—The toy geniuses at Fisher-Price have announced a brand new toy made just for leftist parents and their kids: the My First Peaceful Protest playset. The kid-size clubhouse will come with several varieties of spray paint so kids can tag the tiny building with their own empowering slogans. It will also be made out of cardboard, allowing the cute little tikes to burn the whole thing down if their demands are not met.
"Here at Fisher-Price, we are steadfastly committed to social justice," said toy designer Camden Flufferton. "We need to teach our kids what democracy looks like, and there's no better example of democracy in action than violent vandalism and arson. We hope this new playset will serve as an inspiration for parents wanting to teach their kids how to threaten citizens with violence whenever their demands are not met."
The set will also come with toy televisions, cell phones, jewelry, and clothing, allowing kids to simulate looting before they torch the entire set. The set will be available in stores for $399 because of capitalism.
Experts are questioning the wisdom of this move by Fisher-Price, mainly because people in the target market don't typically have any kids. "We know we'll probably only sell, like, 3 of these," said Flufferton, "but selling them isn't the point. We just need you to know we're on the right side of history."
-
-
-
-
-
Political Memes (memes only)