Parenting
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@antipodean said in Parenting:
@nzzp ugh.
The Boy is growing his hair out. Little fucker. Kind of suits his whole Spanish-guitar muso vibe.
Bald me fucking hates it. Jealous.
Let him do it while he can!
This
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
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@booboo Balancing the creepy/intrusion of privacy thing v looking after your kids welfare is a tricky one and I guess will come down to how often you monitor them, what for and when. No such apps available when the Ms Catos were younger but I had no qualms about reading their texts and such like. I rarely called them out on anything but I was usually aware if there was any trouble brewing and knew how to react. So, use it but be careful how you use it would be my advice.
Good luck!
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
I think this stuff is fine for the early years, then ever-more creepy afterwards. Every kid/parent has to draw that line somewhere based on their friendship group, maturity, lifestyle etc.
That said, did any parent ever look back and say "you know , I should have given my kid just a little bit more freedom"? They have their whole lives to be as free as they want, thats what Uni prepares them for. Until then, we live in protect mode.
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
I think this stuff is fine for the early years, then ever-more creepy afterwards. Every kid/parent has to draw that line somewhere based on their friendship group, maturity, lifestyle etc.
That said, did any parent ever look back and say "you know , I should have given my kid just a little bit more freedom"? They have their whole lives to be as free as they want, thats what Uni prepares them for. Until then, we live in protect mode.
Depends on how the parent uses it. If you just use the ability to check when calls aren't answered or deadlines aren't met and you tell her that's what you will do in those situations then fine. Set the boundaries and expectations for both sides.
I have tracking on the wife and my phone simply as a safety thing. Did it when overseas as she traveled alot and is a shocker at both getting lost and answering calls. We both know it's there and the reasons/times it would get used -
iOS Find My app is free if you are all in on Apple ecosystem. Lets you track location if it's ever necessary.
We are just adjusting to the kids having phones, as they go out with their friends now and I'm the Dad Taxi.
I tell them that I can read everything and check their internet usage, and set my expectations of how to use it. I think I've checked once, very early on with the boy.
Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ...
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ...
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ...
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
The Boy is Android, The Girl is Apple. So I let her Mum deal with the iOS controls bullshit and have the Google Mesh deal with anything else on our network.
It isn't anywhere near flawless - he can still cruise for illicit shit on 4G if he wants - but I realised long ago that I get more value out of projecting my IT credentials to them as I do putting in the actual work. They'll find a way if they want it.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ...
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
The Boy is Android, The Girl is Apple. So I let her Mum deal with the iOS controls bullshit and have the Google Mesh deal with anything else on our network.
It isn't anywhere near flawless - he can still cruise for illicit shit on 4G if he wants - but I realised long ago that I get more value out of projecting my IT credentials to them as I do putting in the actual work. They'll find a way if they want it.
Yeah, that's the conversation I had with the wife. It's like trying to stop water falling through a sieve. Have to teach them how to use these things safely.
Kids know never to give our their name, age, school details or address, anything like that.
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my kids think I can do waaay more checking up on them than I can.
Our internet provider (Nova) dont give you the flexibility to go into the router settings to specify access on certain devices, kids dont know that as I used to have it on the old one, and were enough occasions thier wifi access stopped that they do get off in a 'reasonable' timeframe of when they are supposed to.
Kids have limited data so putting location on thier phones uses thier data, biggest issue with my kids (mainly Miss 12) is that she often goes out with her friends with ph on <20% and then it goes flat, so locating her wont work anyway!
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Sooo...went along to the Family Group Conference for the boy that mugged TR Jnr today.
This kid...when you hear the story, he's been up against it from day 1...and I think the way the system is geared hasnt helped either, but cant really go into too much here
Anyway, I got to say my piece for TR Jnr and added a bit from me, and I actually got quite emotional during it, which isnt what I had expected.
This kid had been busy, were other parents there, one of the other boys came as well, from incidents over a 4 month period .
Quite a draining experience, I went in with an open mind that this is a worthwhile process, and even told the boy I wanted to believe that there is some good in him and he can set himself on a positive path in life with the support he has around him.
After going through it, I'm no better able to determine if he will change his ways or if he will end up in prison (or worse...) in a year or 2.
He is in a good place (police enforced) at present and has been for 2 full months and will be for at least another 6 weeks or so, but whether he wants to move on, is upto him and equally as much, the ongoing support that he will need.
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@taniwharugby good on you bro, hopefully that comes through loud and clear. If there is even a chance it can help its worthwhile imo. Sadly unsurprised to hear he'd had things rough. Doesn't absolve anyone from being a dick, but it gives you some insight about how they got in front of you.