Worst Christmas Present
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Soap on a rope and a wash cloth from my Nana. She was Scottish. Perhaps some bearing.
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I once received a grass sheep in a Secret Santa - a piece of cardboard with grass seeds embedded and arranged in the shape of a sheep.
Use it to light the log-burner,
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@Victor-Meldrew yeah but did you try to have sex with it first? I have had a few secret Santa sheep gifted in my time in the UK because it’s no stereotype that we all at it whenever the chance arises.
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@scribe said in Worst Christmas Present:
yeah but did you try to have sex with it first?
No way. It was from a Welsh client
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Feminine hair removal kit.
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@Catogrande said in Worst Christmas Present:
Feminine hair removal kit.
Please tell me you are fucking kidding...
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This one would suck
Traore calls out team-mates over 'racist jokes'
Italy international Cherif Traore says he has been the victim of "racist jokes" during Benetton Treviso's anonymous Secret Santa exchange.
I'm sure I have told this before, but my Mum loved Xmas. She would start buying presents at the January sales for the following Xmas. It was embarrassing. I would pick her up on Xmas Day and the presents would fill the car.
Bearing in mind there were never more than 6 people involved and the youngest was 40 it was a bit strange, but it made her happy.
The thing was - all the presents would be incredibly naff - and most of them were cheap, but she clearly had never outgrown the joy of Xmas. I figure it was down to growing up in the 30's with no money and then her Dad dying when she was 6.
Anyway when she died my bro, Dad and I decided to honour her memory by exchanging Dragon presents every Xmas. She delighted in being called The Dragon.
The rules were simple. No more than $10 and it has to respect her memory by being totally inappropriate and useless. We would vote on the winner. Extra points for needing batteries (more if they're not included), if it breaks within 30 minutes is badly wrapped etc.
As a result I have too many shit Xmas presents to list
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@scribe said in Worst Christmas Present:
@Victor-Meldrew yeah but did you try to have sex with it first? I have had a few secret Santa sheep gifted in my time in the UK because it’s no stereotype that we all at it whenever the chance arises.
Didn't realise you were Australian.
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@dogmeat said in Worst Christmas Present:
Anyway when she died my bro, Dad and I decided to honour her memory by exchanging Dragon presents every Xmas. She delighted in being called The Dragon.The rules were simple. No more than $10 and it has to respect her memory by being totally inappropriate and useless. We would vote on the winner. Extra points for needing batteries (more if they're not included), if it breaks within 30 minutes is badly wrapped etc.
As a result I have too many shit Xmas presents to list
That's a great story and a wonderful way to keep traditions/memories alive.
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My wife's paternal grandmother was an absolute tight-arse, except when it came to playing Keno down at the local club (she'd brag she won a car in one of their raffles, but probably put $40K through the place in the meantime).
Anyway, the wife got a scratchie one year - already scratched - and the card read "sorry you didn't win".
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@Victor-Meldrew said in Worst Christmas Present:
@Catogrande said in Worst Christmas Present:
Feminine hair removal kit.
Please tell me you are fucking kidding...
Wish it was a lie. Mrs Cato has a history of shite gifts, I readily recall the Woolworths stapler as a birthday present once, but the piece de resistance for my gift was the said hair removal kit. Rationale was that as I was aging and had fathered daughters, I was getting nasally hirsute. Which was correct. What I needed though was either a nasal trimmer or a young Filipino boy. But no. I got the whole kit, with a bikini waxing element and all.
However that was not her high (low?) point. At one time one of her work mates was leaving the confines of the Halifax Building society to become a professional windsurfer in Australia. She collected the money and bought the poor fucker a shoe cleaning kit on the basis that if he failed as a windsurfer he would need another job. And what do you need in an interview? Clean shoes of course.
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I've been given Aussie and England Rugby jersies before. Oh the hilarity!
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@sparky i can barely afford rugby jerseys for myself...let alone someone else as a joke!
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@sparky said in Worst Christmas Present:
I've been given Aussie and England Rugby jersies before. Oh the hilarity!
That is worse than getting a retro central vikings jersey
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@sparky said in Worst Christmas Present:
I've been given Aussie and England Rugby jersies before. Oh the hilarity!
Got given a 2003 RWC Champions jersey as a wedding present.
I laughed (haha), put it on, got the photos, then got it returned and got a beautiful wee mouseman bookshelf (https://www.robertthompsons.co.uk). We're simple people, easy to wind up... at least I got something good out of it
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@Kiwiwomble said in Worst Christmas Present:
@sparky i can barely afford rugby jerseys for myself...let alone someone else as a joke!
They used to be a lot cheaper.
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Not a bad gift as such but funny and a reflection of some serious tight-arsery. My birthday is in January so my parents, i.e. Mum, decided to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and get my Xmas and birthday presents at the same time. So she bought me golf clubs and I got the woods for Xmas and the irons for my birthday. She was completely oblivious to the fact that you actually need the full set to play the bloody game.
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When we were young, my brother, sister and I used to buy each other small gifts for Xmas. One year, my sister couldn't be assed and didn't buy anything for either of us. My brother was the vengeful type. The next three 'gifts' my sister received in successive years were a stapler, ruler, and finally the tiny rubber attached to the end of a pencil.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel ha when I got my first full set for my birthday in my teens (thanks dad) my mother had suggested to him to get me a few clubs at a time...fortunately dad being a golfer said you cant do that!
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One of the more bizarre presents I got at a Secret Santa at work was Toilet Duck. Still not sure what to make of that.
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In the early 80s I got a video game for Xmas. One of those cool ones where it takes about an hour to load via a tape deck and you play as a “tank” ( basically a square with a gun on the end ) and try and shoot other tanks.
All well and good but we never actually had a computer to play it on. I spent all summer looking longingly at the case and imagining how exciting it was to play.
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i am trying to get over the fact someone is having a whinge because their mum bought them a set of golf clubs, but they had to endure waiting a couple of weeks without having all of them. a set of fucking golf clubs!!!
this is the epitome of the first world whinge.
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I still get shit (wait for it) from my partner for getting her a toilet seat for Xmas a few years ago....
In my defence, she had mentioned how much she would like a bidet, and this was a seat that fitted over your existing toilet with buttons that would spray your arsehole (variable spray - adjust the water temperature etc).
It even had a second spray - for the laydeeze and an option to heat the seat for those winter mornings
Not my finest hour I admit. The main issue was it was Chinese and while it did everything as advertised, it was clearly designed for a more Asian sized derriere.
Plus; it was a toilet seat - for Xmas.
I really hpe she likes the vacuum cleaner I've got her this year....
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Not a present as such but that stupid Xmas presents game where you can steal other peoples presents can go fuck itself.
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@MN5 said in Worst Christmas Present:
In the early 80s I got a video game for Xmas. One of those cool ones where it takes about an hour to load via a tape deck and you play as a “tank” ( basically a square with a gun on the end ) and try and shoot other tanks.
All well and good but we never actually had a computer to play it on. I spent all summer looking longingly at the case and imagining how exciting it was to play.
Batteries not included.
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@Nepia said in Worst Christmas Present:
Not a present as such but that stupid Xmas presents game where you can steal other peoples presents can go fuck itself.
I love that game. The trick is to play as a couple.
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An old Aussie mate of mine has a birthday in November, I gave him an England rugby Jersey (it was 2003 and Jonny had recently done his thing).
Anyway got a xmas present through the post a few weeks later.
He’d wiped his arse with it, wrapped it up and given it to me for Xmas.
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@MajorRage said in Worst Christmas Present:
An old Aussie mate of mine has a birthday in November, I gave him an England rugby Jersey (it was 2003 and Jonny had recently done his thing).
Anyway got a xmas present through the post a few weeks later.
He’d wiped his arse with it, wrapped it up and given it to me for Xmas.
Poor postie, dealing with that stench
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Man I've got nothing like these, keep them coming, makes me laugh - and proves my life had been so much better than you all
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@MN5 said in Worst Christmas Present:
@MajorRage said in Worst Christmas Present:
An old Aussie mate of mine has a birthday in November, I gave him an England rugby Jersey (it was 2003 and Jonny had recently done his thing).
Anyway got a xmas present through the post a few weeks later.
He’d wiped his arse with it, wrapped it up and given it to me for Xmas.
Poor postie, dealing with that stench
To be fair, he'd wrapped it in plastic and a ton of tape to remove the stench.
As disgusting as it was, I did have to commend him on it.
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@MajorRage said in Worst Christmas Present:
@MN5 said in Worst Christmas Present:
@MajorRage said in Worst Christmas Present:
An old Aussie mate of mine has a birthday in November, I gave him an England rugby Jersey (it was 2003 and Jonny had recently done his thing).
Anyway got a xmas present through the post a few weeks later.
He’d wiped his arse with it, wrapped it up and given it to me for Xmas.
Poor postie, dealing with that stench
To be fair, he'd wrapped it in plastic and a ton of tape to remove the stench.
As disgusting as it was, I did have to commend him on it.
You straight up deserved it, but as @MN5 not really fair on the postie.
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@MN5 said in Worst Christmas Present:
In the early 80s I got a video game for Xmas. One of those cool ones where it takes about an hour to load via a tape deck and you play as a “tank” ( basically a square with a gun on the end ) and try and shoot other tanks.
All well and good but we never actually had a computer to play it on. I spent all summer looking longingly at the case and imagining how exciting it was to play.
This is the game here.
I really missed out as you can see. The brilliance of the graphics is matched only by the amazing sound effects.
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@broughie said in Worst Christmas Present:
Soap on a rope and a wash cloth from my Nana. She was Scottish. Perhaps some bearing.
Scrubbing the back of your neck until it’s red raw is something that’s expected of you if you’re Scottish, so that’ll be why.
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Fun ways to pass time
#1) Fill out ESTA form for whole family in order to transit through an American airport.
#2) Fill out NZeTA form (+ pay tourist tax) for whole family to visit NZ, of which 3 of the 4 are NZ citizens (but don't have NZ passports - expensive & time-consuming to send the documents to London...) -
So I don't expect I will get shit from my partner for the toilet seat in future after she gave me a Puck Sucker for Xmas.
Not what you dirty bastards were thinking...
A puck sucker is an electronic gizmo that does what its name suggests it seals around your portafilter and vacuums out your puck thus saving you the incredibly difficult and onerous task of knocking the puck out into a knock box.
I like gizmos and coffee was I think her thought process but when she saw the reality, I think she was already a bit embarrassed.
That embarrassment turned up the volume when she realised that she'd bought the wrong size puck sucker for my portafilter so it wouldn't fit so although you could activate it, there was no seal and thus no suck.
Her face dropped and she said, 'Fuck I've bought you a dragon present, haven't I?"🤣
I did buy her a vacuum cleaner BTW - and she loves it - robot.
One of the other things I got her was a gin advent calendar, so she drowned her disappointment by sharing with me 24 gins from round the globe.
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@dogmeat I love my coffee machine which does all that for you. Absolutely shit for frothing milk (we brought a Kmart special that is better) but as we drink black coffee, who cares. I press My Espresso (set for how I like it) twice, one double espresso - lovely.
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My niece gave a plant for xmas. I have no plants in my place for a reason - I don't give a shit about plants.
