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    2. R.L
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    R.L

    @R.L

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    Location UK Age 35

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    Best posts made by R.L

    • RE: Happiness Scale

      Right... Where to start!?

      @NTA sorry if I've missed the ins and outs of it but your wife seems to be going through a huge amount of shit at the moment and yes ultimately its her choice to find some better coping mechanisms that mean overall family life a bit easier or manageable for her and for you. It sounds like you've tried to make suggestions to help and that's good but maybe she's so down life is just such hard work? You can't always see a way back to normality when everything is weighing you down.
      I can't personally relate to the sex issue but I've known plenty of women (my age range) who have had dry spells, one admitted she'd gone up to 3 years without having sex with her husband and it baffled me but they got it back after some issues were aired. Resentment towards eachother, change of/lose of roles within their family live, betrayal, physical/mental ill health all, sorts of things that ultimately effect a relationship will effect the intimate bonds you have.

      I may have missed the part where you've said this but have you asked her why? What's her reason for not wanting sex? @canefan prob applies to you too and anyone else.

      A few suggestions/questions if not mentioned already...

      Maybe go the other way completely. Don't be about the sex don't talk about it don't initiate etc you've gone this long try a diff approach. BUT do try to be intimate in other ways, look at your wife and smile at her for no reason, make eye contact, find subtle ways to show her you are attracted to her without being too in her face. Show her that YOU are HER MAN. Men have ways of handling women that communicate a very subtle reassuring dominance/protectiveness (and I don't mean in an oppressive way) like a really quick brief shoulder squeeze with a kiss on the forehead as you pass by or something like that. It just shows you are there, if that's not where you are at even asking if she needs a hug and you be the one to break away first so you aren't accused of being after sex. Rub her arm in passing, just reintroduce a bit of physical contact if you are at the stage of zero contact. Compliments might help too, be nice do nice things for her, not for the sex but because you want her to feel happier, the better she feels about herself the better she will feel about you and that's moving in the right direction.
      You can't pour from an empty cup. And look, she knows it's shit on you, she probably doesn't act sympathetic but I bet she feels like shit knowing she's not pleasing you in that way and that will be a vicious circle of feeling shitness to get out of.

      I absolutely get that you are probably feeling "why should I make the effort I'll only get pushed back" but someone has to try or you accept your lot, or you cheat (no one likes a cheat) or you split up. The fact you guys are talking about it here to a bunch of polish chicks surely means you want to try and fix it. It has to be a natural turn around though because you don't want to throw ultimatums around and her have sex with you and not want to be there (that's really shit and equally as damaging) . Sounds clichΓ© but it's about getting the spark back and getting back to who you guys were to start with or learning about the people you are now. Unfortunately a whole lot of life happens and people can change or lose sight of things.

      I'm no relationship expert, I've been a bit vocal about having a hard time during lockdown and we've struggled and have set backs most weeks but we are moving in a better direction now. And I will be honest without getting into too much detail- as bad as we've been over the last year and a half we've been pretty "active" yet intimacy has lacked at times because I've not particularly wanted sex with him- but just wanted sex, and he knew, guys know too, you shouldn't use your partner. We weren't even speaking to eachother whilst being in the same room at one point just existing together, hence huge amount of fern time, or excessive cleaning or working when I didn't need to, with the odd great sparkly day thrown in and then back to shitness.. And that was worse for me, feeling like that was going to be my life.
      It always takes two no matter what the issue is, if you aren't getting something out of the relationship that you need, what aren't they getting from you? There will be something big or small. Finding out and finding a solution can help, or maybe it won't and it'll be the communication that either fixes or ends you.
      Mr RL wanted more time together again just us and I'd pulled back because I'd got resentful for him previously working away a lot and that's when the damage was done and then when he started a new business which meant he was home more I was then helping him with that, changed my own work and had a child and yet he thought nothing had changed.I felt like a different person..The years just fly by but so much can happen that can change you without realising. We've both had stresses that have added to overall shittiness over the years too, his family being one of them and he also holds on to a few things from my past relationship before him and I find that really frustrating. There have been incidents of betrayal I guess you can call it on both our parts too over the years which is the shittest thing to get past. I've always had trust issues and tend to have high walls. Moving in a better direction though and that's what matters. All we did was talk talk and talk when we got to a particularly explosive point because that was all we could do in the end. And now we keep that communication open.
      Some people have mentioned counselling etc above but I would have hated that with a passion but then it may have got us speaking sooner?

      Happiness scale for me I probably couldn't share,I try and find something to be happy about everyday but my life isn't where I thought it would be or hoped it would be and I've lived with a feeling of being bit incomplete or lost for most of my life - man that sounds depressing and I really don't mean it like that, I have reasons I wouldn't go into on here. My daughter has helped me sort of let go of a few things I felt I should have done or I've given myself permission to move on from goals I'd set myself etc,i guess when you have your own child it puts things into perspective but opens another can of worms in other ways.

      Guys I hope you get laid soon, I mean that most sincerely. 🀞🏻

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus - Overall

      I don't want to get all full on journal here but its been an eventful weekend.
      Work colleague sent home Thursday with symptoms is very poorly, her friend had been hospitalised Friday, died the same night, she was 70 so has 10 years on my colleague. Extremely sad to hear and my colleague lives alone, we are all keeping in touch with her but she's now feeling dreadful and grieving.
      Two other colleagues have been poorly but manageable similar symptoms to eachother (sore throat dry cough and diarrhoea) , their husbands however are on about day 7 and feeling worse than ever, one of which works with a guy who is now in intensive care only 48.
      Fourth colleauge is on day 2 of what we hope is recovery and now can talk without coughing and has the energy to get around the house. She's 62. (I work with a lot of older ladies)
      A friend of ours is a male nurse at a local surgery, hes on day 7 too woke up feeling better, husband tells me he put on his Facebook he's feeling great then his wife updated it a few hrs back saying false alarm he's back downhill again.

      Thankful I worked those last two weeks at home and not been in any contact with above colleagues.
      Really seems to be hitting men pretty bad apart from that one older lady who sadly died, also this pattern of feeling better then getting worse again hearing that a lot.

      Shits getting real now, definitely feeling more scared about it.

      Stay safe guys.
      πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜’

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Happiness Scale

      Crying.
      Top notch ferning.
      What you've all done here may have been therapeutic to yourselves, but you will definitely have helped at least one other person by sharing it.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus memes

      Screenshot_20200701_170404.jpg

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      118652004_321787249058949_1307126710881694397_n.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      Has anyone else adapted to the current level of shitness too? I think last week escalated to a new level of shit, and now I'm adapting to that too. Work will trigger me, it's always work and then I'll panic about it all like omg let me live on the moon and then I sleep and get over it.
      Home is my complete haven at the moment, it's just perfect and I can forget what is going on in the world to a degree. If I was going to work and coming home to any empty house that would be tough...
      Thinking of any ferners struggling.
      alt text

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      IMG-20201217-WA0023.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @SynicBast alt text

      Crying on the inside...
      Felt really daft for posting personal stuff on here the other day, almost as cringe as my twitter video...
      But thanks anyway all.

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      IMG-20210404-WA0001.jpg
      Happy Easter Fluffy Bunnies x

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Memes

      137528857_3850904631588795_6060272857808042448_n.jpg

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L

    Latest posts made by R.L

    • RE: TV Serieseseses

      Is anyone else insanely excited about The Handmaid's Tale returning end of the month? Not been this excited since GOT..... Ah remember GOT? Happy days. πŸ˜”

      Dying to know if June gets out, its looking like she does from the trailer and I need lots of Nick, like every episode give me a Nick overdose with all the dark eyes and broodiness. Really have no interest in her getting back with Luke. And Nick better not die.

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus - UK

      @victor-meldrew careful he doesnt get a fever...
      alt text
      ah jeeez im turning into a dad

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: How's the weather?

      @bones said in How's the weather?:

      Filthy

      ooh what we talking about!?
      alt text

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Coronavirus - UK

      @booboo i had flu like symptoms for 24hrs about 12hours after the first, then nothing from the second jab I had the other day thankfully! Yet my colleague was the other way around. πŸ€”

      Hope you are ok @sparky x

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Songs that remind you of...

      @snowy said in Songs that remind you of...:

      They tried something similar when I was flying rotting bodies around PNG due to refrigeration failures

      why does this not surprise me....

      That's awful though πŸ˜”

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: How's the weather?

      It's glorious here, I'm sure this is probably the most womanly thing I've ever said on here but my washing line has had plenty of action this weekend! πŸ™„
      Dinner in the garden, lots of walking. Love it!

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Songs that remind you of...

      I get this with smells as well by the way, like emotional flashbacks... has this thing got a name? I'm sure it has and i can't put my finger on it.

      Freshly cut grass.
      Nanas perfume.
      Rose~ wine. 🀒

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • Songs that remind you of...

      The song, artist and elaboration if you wish to share.
      LOVE
      DEATH
      CHILDHOOD
      Any other defining moments in your life...

      I thought this would be interesting because it occurred to me that these songs aren't even songs i'd like normally but just have a special memory attached to them and give me strong emotions.
      Eg.
      DEATH - Earthbound by Connor Reeves.


      Wasn't a particularly good song but seemed to be a song a few friends and I associated with the death of our friend back in 1998. We were very young and coped with it in the way kids do, you process things differently as an adult and its only now as a mum I get blown away by the tragedy of it all. So we would sit listening to this song talking about him as our own little therapy. First time listening to it in a very long time and made me choke a little.

      LOVE - Kissing you-Des'ree


      This reminds me of teen love and I always wanted it to be "our wedding song". I cringe now at the cheesiness! Love the song though.

      CHILDHOOD - Greensleeves by "Tommy Whip" ice cream van 🀣 (also credit to King Henry 8th)
      My earliest memory is about 4yrs old lying on grass in my back garden looking at clouds and then hearing this, nothing else just that, and the pure feeling of contentment. I assume ice cream vans are a thing in NZ? Where i grew up we had a regular ice cream van lady who was an italian and drove a "Tommy Whip" with Greensleeves music. She was the nicest lady and gave free ice creams occasionally, perhaps there was a use by date we didn't know about but everynow and then she'd be handing out ice-creams for free and it was a good day. These were the 90s you could play out on your street safely as long as you stayed in a group, didnt cross the road and within earshot of one of your parents houses. 🀣
      The only time I see an ice cream van now is in the car park of the local park!

      I have other songs that are poignant too, but someone else can go next, my cappy morgans getting warm. 🍹

      posted in Off Topic
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      Just sayin'.

      Oh and so far Zero zilch nadda side effects from my second AZ. πŸ™πŸ»

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L
    • RE: Lockdown Check In

      @mariner4life there's a nice country pub by me but even that's going to be full of riffrafs sitting outside it at the moment... So no, i won't be going to any pubs. I'll let them all calm down a bit first before a Sunday lunch outing.
      Nails and hair just for me.

      posted in Coronavirus
      R.L
      R.L