Often with such complicated issues it is good to break them down into a more understandable format. So here we have Brexit - the omelette problem.

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.

@Siam said in All Blacks v BI Lions Test #3:

World rugby's biggest game advertisement in the fallow years between world cups and is influenced by an insecure refereeing system but the gin swillers will be reminding themselves "controversy lasts far longer in the advertiser's eye than a pure spectacle, and think of the clicks we'll get!"

Even the perpetrator knew he was offside playing at the ball!

Still our beloved team only really have themselves to blame

Taking nothing away from the Lions who will take more pride than us over the drawn series.

It was a great series and none of us predicted it thus.

one question though:

Did it feel lucky to draw that?

honest question from an unquestionably biased kiwi

edit: The question was aimed at Lions supporters (lest I lose my arrogance)

Honest answer? Yeah we were lucky in the end. Lucky on a couple of counts, firstly in that for much of the match we were outplayed and only some uncharacteristic balls ups from NZ kept us in the game. Later on we got nearer to parity and if you're there or thereabouts with 10 minutes to go you have to feel that you have a chance of nicking the game. So lucky but dissatisfied. Secondly the non penalty. I did think is was sort of accidental at least instinctive rather than deliberate, but to me it was definitely a penalty. Whether or not Barret would have slotted the kick is another matter and if he hadn't then you lot would just have had something else to make you spew

We rode our luck over two tests and overall the better team did not win, but that's the beauty of sport. Winning great but you watch because of the uncertainty.

Gatland's legacy will go down as a two-time undefeated Lions head coach (a fact he has reminded us of a couple of times already) but in truth this time round he was very lucky. There was no cunning master plan to out-coach NZ. Fair play to him in Australia four years ago, he got that last game spot on though.

@jegga said in Add Fidel to the 2016 body count:

FFS, how is Yoko Ono is still alive?

A macrobiotic diet. She lives off dead beetles.

And don't forget the police also raided Cliff Richard's house and seized all his computers. Everyone's worst fears were confirmed when they found he'd been making new music.

Nice quote from David Warner following Faf Du Plessis ball tampering of a couple of years back.

"We hold our heads high and I'd be very disappointed if one of our team members did that.

"The rules are in place for a reason. If you're not going to use them why bother having them?

"If you're going to overstep the mark, be prepared to get fined and miss Test matches."

@mariner4life said in Coronavirus - Media Discussion:

I'm fucking done with listening to the opinions of people who have heard or read the same as me

Well your time on the Fern had to end one day.

Well, I watched the game at home and was amazed at the England performance. I thought we had a chance but... Even though we were pretty dominant more or less throughout the game and it was ours to lose almost, there was always in the back of my mind that you just cannot trust a Kiwi to know when to say enough is enough. Having said that I felt reasonably comfortable with four minutes to go and two scores needed but even then... hmmm.

I didn't watch it at the pub as a 9.00 am kick off would have meant ruining the rest of the day but at around 11.40 I got a call from a mate. "I'm down at the Royal Oak and I need someone to talk rugby to. I can't go home and talk to her". So the rest of the day has been washout really. No complaints though.

Thanks to all who have posted congratulations and compliments on our performance. That takes a bit of doing, especially after the success you've had.

No where's that bottle of red?

@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@rocky-rockbottom said in Re: Movie review thread...:

The Living Daylights (1987)

"Timothy Dalton" "TIMOTHY DALTON"? Who the fuck is this weasel-eyed fluffybunny? This wooden wiener is about as suave as goddamn cock cancer. Compared to his illustrious predecessors, messrs Connery and Moore, he looks like he bought his clothes in the fucking supermarket.

"Timothy Dalton". May as well be Tomoko fucken Dildostein for all he's got to do with my Bond franchise. HowTF did he even pass the screen test? His dad must be the goddamn director.

Did the dishes. Read up on the footy. Basically stalled until this bland Where's Wally twat got OFF my telly.

I enjoyed this one. It was a bit 'dark'. Pretty certain a few people who knew Fleming said he said Dalton was his personal favourite Bond.

Necros was one of the coolest henchmen too, better than that homo Dario from LTK

Doubtful seeing as he died 23 years before The Living daylights was made.

@Hooroo said in The Time Has Come To Log In:

@erps You're not an ex-St Pauls lad are you?

If so, I think it was you that told me to check out the fern when discussing rugby at a party in London!

We're not in a blame culture here you know. Own your own mistakes.

@DMX Interesting your view on the Barret v Mo'unga discussion. I've never felt that Barrett was a fantastic fly half - and I realise that this may lead to me being virtual lynched on here, but to me he does not seem to fit too well for some of the key duties of a 10. His kicking game is a bit off, his game management is not up there with the likes of say Carter, BUT he is without doubt a fantastic, almost freakish, rugby player and has to play. I can see the argument for having him at 10 as he is so good that you want to get the ball to him as often and as quickly as possible, but I think I agree with you that the extra space he gets at 15 is perhaps more suited and allied to that, you have a bloody good 10 in Mo'unga to bring a little more control to the game.

A very nice problem to have.

Off to dig a trench and search for my tin hat...

@shark said in Hawt discussion (lots of PG13 gifs/pics):

Rhona yes. Kate, no.

They’re probably having a similar conversation but ending in Shark. No.

@pakman Thanks, found it when sober

@Bones “game changers”. Ugh.

@raznomore said in The hot takes and unpopular opinions:

@raznomore said in The hot takes and unpopular opinions:

My apologies if this has been raised, the All Blacks are refereed differently and more advantageously than other teams.

@MiketheSnow you weren't supposed to like that one Mike...

He’s always been one for the facts.

I don’t know what’s worse, the narcissistic whining or the biased reporting.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53761744

@pakman said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@Catogrande said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@pakman said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@Catogrande said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@Rapido On another slant re the figures generally. Over here in the UK we have a pretty horrific death scale. There are suggestions though that we are counting ALL deaths where a person has tested positive for Covid as a Covid death. ie someone walks into a testing centre and gets a positive result and then gets run over by a lorry as she goes outside bingo! That's another Covid death. Whether this is in any way true or not I can't say but it does highlight that the methodology of deciding what is or is not a Covid death would make a significant difference to the figures.

I'm pretty sure that Public Health England does have a 'once a covid positive, always a covid death' methodology.

The Govt has asked it to produce corrected figures.

Don't hold your breath!

@Rapido says not. I would like to know the sauce if only to shut up some idiot of a conspiracy theorist I know. Mind you he'll probably say it's all part of the grand plan

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2020/08/09/daily-covid-death-count-could-scrapped/

And @Rapido

Saw on the BBC website that the UK had decided to reduce the death numbers by a little over 5K. Cant, find the link now and too pissed to care but, whilst not saying this is right, wrong or somewhere in between it does shed light on how open to interpretation all the stats might be

@muddyriver said in Coronavirus - New Zealand:trans

I am 100% for a sweedish approach mark II as stated above. spend a billion protecting hyper vulnerable ie rest homes/workers etc encourage basic sanitary procedures and bobs your uncle.

Bob can also be your Aunt. Don’t be a transphobe.

@MiketheSnow said in US Politics:

@TeWaio said in US Politics:

@Frank said in US Politics:

I don't think you can criticise Harris or anyone else for initially believing Smollett. Most people would default to truth when hearing about what he said happened to him, simply because the alternative that he made it all up is too ridiculous to consider right off the bat.

Did she recant?>

She’s a politician. Never complain , never explain. Unless of course you’re going to offend the twattisphere, then it is mea culpa all day long.

Is anyone else getting sick of Z list celebs and pollies saying “sorry for saying X I should have known better” when it’s screamingly obvious to everyone they really don’t give a shit? Why can’t we call out these fluffybunnies for being cock sucking hypocrites?

I’m now going back to my bottle of red. A rather nice Carignan from the south of France.

@canefan Given the caveats that even the confirmed GDP figues are something of a best endeavours view and that the US figures are based on the first best guess, I would say that you can take them as believable, just not accurate to the nth degree. They will not be far out though. The US has had some lockdown albeit not wholesale and also somewhat sporadic but in truth I don't think that's the real issue. What is different this time around recession wise is that this is a consumption recession rather than the more usual liquidity recession and the US is big on consumption.

@Bones So much so, I don't recognise her.