Often with such complicated issues it is good to break them down into a more understandable format. So here we have Brexit - the omelette problem.

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.

@Siam said in All Blacks v BI Lions Test #3:

World rugby's biggest game advertisement in the fallow years between world cups and is influenced by an insecure refereeing system but the gin swillers will be reminding themselves "controversy lasts far longer in the advertiser's eye than a pure spectacle, and think of the clicks we'll get!"

Even the perpetrator knew he was offside playing at the ball!

Still our beloved team only really have themselves to blame

Taking nothing away from the Lions who will take more pride than us over the drawn series.

It was a great series and none of us predicted it thus.

one question though:

Did it feel lucky to draw that?

honest question from an unquestionably biased kiwi

edit: The question was aimed at Lions supporters (lest I lose my arrogance)

Honest answer? Yeah we were lucky in the end. Lucky on a couple of counts, firstly in that for much of the match we were outplayed and only some uncharacteristic balls ups from NZ kept us in the game. Later on we got nearer to parity and if you're there or thereabouts with 10 minutes to go you have to feel that you have a chance of nicking the game. So lucky but dissatisfied. Secondly the non penalty. I did think is was sort of accidental at least instinctive rather than deliberate, but to me it was definitely a penalty. Whether or not Barret would have slotted the kick is another matter and if he hadn't then you lot would just have had something else to make you spew

We rode our luck over two tests and overall the better team did not win, but that's the beauty of sport. Winning great but you watch because of the uncertainty.

Gatland's legacy will go down as a two-time undefeated Lions head coach (a fact he has reminded us of a couple of times already) but in truth this time round he was very lucky. There was no cunning master plan to out-coach NZ. Fair play to him in Australia four years ago, he got that last game spot on though.

@jegga said in Add Fidel to the 2016 body count:

FFS, how is Yoko Ono is still alive?

A macrobiotic diet. She lives off dead beetles.

And don't forget the police also raided Cliff Richard's house and seized all his computers. Everyone's worst fears were confirmed when they found he'd been making new music.

Nice quote from David Warner following Faf Du Plessis ball tampering of a couple of years back.

"We hold our heads high and I'd be very disappointed if one of our team members did that.

"The rules are in place for a reason. If you're not going to use them why bother having them?

"If you're going to overstep the mark, be prepared to get fined and miss Test matches."

Well, I watched the game at home and was amazed at the England performance. I thought we had a chance but... Even though we were pretty dominant more or less throughout the game and it was ours to lose almost, there was always in the back of my mind that you just cannot trust a Kiwi to know when to say enough is enough. Having said that I felt reasonably comfortable with four minutes to go and two scores needed but even then... hmmm.

I didn't watch it at the pub as a 9.00 am kick off would have meant ruining the rest of the day but at around 11.40 I got a call from a mate. "I'm down at the Royal Oak and I need someone to talk rugby to. I can't go home and talk to her". So the rest of the day has been washout really. No complaints though.

Thanks to all who have posted congratulations and compliments on our performance. That takes a bit of doing, especially after the success you've had.

No where's that bottle of red?

@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@rocky-rockbottom said in Re: Movie review thread...:

The Living Daylights (1987)

"Timothy Dalton" "TIMOTHY DALTON"? Who the fuck is this weasel-eyed fluffybunny? This wooden wiener is about as suave as goddamn cock cancer. Compared to his illustrious predecessors, messrs Connery and Moore, he looks like he bought his clothes in the fucking supermarket.

"Timothy Dalton". May as well be Tomoko fucken Dildostein for all he's got to do with my Bond franchise. HowTF did he even pass the screen test? His dad must be the goddamn director.

Did the dishes. Read up on the footy. Basically stalled until this bland Where's Wally twat got OFF my telly.

I enjoyed this one. It was a bit 'dark'. Pretty certain a few people who knew Fleming said he said Dalton was his personal favourite Bond.

Necros was one of the coolest henchmen too, better than that homo Dario from LTK

Doubtful seeing as he died 23 years before The Living daylights was made.

@DMX Interesting your view on the Barret v Mo'unga discussion. I've never felt that Barrett was a fantastic fly half - and I realise that this may lead to me being virtual lynched on here, but to me he does not seem to fit too well for some of the key duties of a 10. His kicking game is a bit off, his game management is not up there with the likes of say Carter, BUT he is without doubt a fantastic, almost freakish, rugby player and has to play. I can see the argument for having him at 10 as he is so good that you want to get the ball to him as often and as quickly as possible, but I think I agree with you that the extra space he gets at 15 is perhaps more suited and allied to that, you have a bloody good 10 in Mo'unga to bring a little more control to the game.

A very nice problem to have.

Off to dig a trench and search for my tin hat...

@jegga said in Alternative needed from the absolute crap of stuff.co.nz:

My dog used to do disgraceful things like running over a kids sandcastle then pissing on the ruins. There are no words that placate an irate parent in that situation .

Whilst that is at the same time amusing and hideous it pales into insignificance to the bloody mutt that my sister brought to stay one Christmas. We decided to go down to the beach for a walk Christmas Day morning which was a bit of a mistake as we'd forgotten the annual dopey-fuckers Christmas swim so the beach was rammed. All the normal walkers and dog walkers etc got shunted off down one small part of the beach. This too was packed. This bloody dog shot off to run around the beach with all his new mates for all of 30 seconds before he crouched down with his back legs shaking. Hunched over like an oriental bridge, squeezing out a giant turd about a third of the size of its own body Being that cold time of year the thing was steaming like The Flying Scotsman and all the other dog owners were trying to get their dogs away before they ate it. Anyway the dog finishes up, scratches at the sand and buggers off. Only it wasn't finished. The turd was stuck in its arse, sticking out about 8 inches. Could we catch the dog? Could we fuck. Meanwhile all the other mutts on the beach were going wild chasing the bloody thing. We tried getting to go in the sea in the hope the offending article might get washed off but the dog was having none of it. Anyway eventually my sister caught the dog, took out her plastic bag and with one hand on the dog's collar she used the plastic bag to grip the offending Richard and tried to yank it out of the dog's arse. This was harder than it looked as the dog was not enjoying the experience and was seemingly clamping its arse cheeks together. After much swearing and tugging she got the turd out of the dog (I swear to this day I heard its arse shut), only to be rewarded by the dog turning round and biting her.

My kids wonder why I won't have a bloody dog.

Now I realise that I'm not such a movie geek as many on here and consequently will be late to the party more often than not. However. Dunkirk, Finally managed to align the planets to allow me to view this with the fragrant Mrs Cato. No kids in attendance and the added attraction of a glass or two of Macon Blanc. Much anticipation.

What an appalling experience. In itself the film was OK, though I was quite surprised to see such a dramatic story so over-dramatised. Not so much the various storylines but the cinematography. Whilst this was something of an annoyance the real problem lay closer to hand. Mrs Cato would just not shut up. She managed to keep up a barrage of inane questions throughout the film that completely fucked up any chance I had of enjoying the film or understanding the continuity. Such gems. "So who are the goodies here?" "Who is that bombing that ship? Is it us?" And the absolute piece, on seeing a pleasure boat in the middle of the English Channel - "Is that a German boat?"

To be honest I should have realised this would not go well. The poor dear has been binge watching a series called The Crown which is basically a Royal version of Home and Away. However she has taken this to be pretty much a documentary and affords it factual and historic status. This has now filtered through to anything from 1920 to 1990 and affords her an insight into the Royal family, UK politics, the Second World War and anything to do with Winston Churchill that I can only wish for.

Sod this, back to the Bourne films and John Wick for me, she can't stand that stuff.

1 exasperated married man out of 5 dashed hopes.

@MiketheSnow said in Coronavirus memes:

That is awful and I am going to hell for laughing at it.

@Bones said in Lockdown Check In:

@Catogrande said in Lockdown Check In:

Went for a run instead. Took the dog, who tried to trip me up every 50m. Not a success.

So the dog tried to trip you up once?

That is a really shitty assertion. I shall not dignify with an admission I mean reply.

@MiketheSnow You get the feeling Luke's got a ticket coming

OK, like all you blokes, I am making an increasingly token effort to stay fit (ish). Today I had decided to up my game and signed up for a 30 minute kettlebell HIIT workout given in live time by an accredited guy.

10.00am start. So I set up the laptop in the backyard, checked connectivity and logged on at 9.55. Result? I get a close up video of the very breathless guy's sweating bald head saying "Sorry. I decided to video the workout beforehand and release it. I've done the workout (see sweating bald head - above) and when I checked the video I have one picture of me at the start. I really can't do it again. I'm fucked". And he was.

So was my workout. Went for a run instead. Took the dog, who tried to trip me up every 50m. Not a success.

@booboo said in NH International Rugby:

Who is David Watkins?

He was by all accounts a bloody good player. Very much in the mercurial mould of Welsh fly halves of the time. However he went North and some bloke called Barry John came and filled in. Quite well as it happened.

Twat. Just have a wank. Stupid is everywhere.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-52125782

Wasn't quite sure where to put this, here seems as good a place as any.

The Walrus has excelled himself

https://www.ultimaterugby.com/news/carter-and-wilkinson-ranked-10th-and-8th-in-the-10-best-flyhalves-off-all-time-by-british-pundit/626299?fbclid=IwAR1sC7Ql8O9a4JdmNSN7Nc6YeBOMl6liBs73-hRAr9SUZdxtNvX066tQJIk

@MiketheSnow said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@MajorRage said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@MiketheSnow said in Coronavirus - Overall:

Needed now more than ever.

Publicise the shit out of it.

Show the public that if they don't fucking wise up and listen to government directives then they will be admitted to a system which is understaffed, understocked, and unprepared.

That's providing factual information not fear mongering.

My mate who sent me the link is an ICU nurse.

He wrote 'Ironically I can guarantee you many of the doctors in the NHS voted Tory'

Yes, that is one angle. The other is balancing the power of fear. People must feel secure in the NHS, regardless of it's short comings. Having said that, I don't agree with gag orders either, so perhaps I contradict myself internally.

Nothing ironic in NHS doctors voting Tory. Anybody could see the opposite party's views on what they were going to do to the NHS was unachievable, would cause shocking disruption to society in general and would also see them significantly out of pocket themselves, in unnecessary additional taxation.

I suspect many would now choose out of pocket over out of breath

Though I doubt many would choose both

@Bones said in Coronavirus - Overall:

So my Xbox One arrives today. I was humming and harring the other day as was looking to buy 2nd hand on ebay and thought they were a bit expensive. Then found argos selling brand new for 260, then found currys doing the same. Sat down to lunch and came back to buy from currys, they'd upped the price to 350, so tried to buy from Argos - no stock south of the thames it seems. Unlucky...then found someone on ebay who'd just thrown one up that he'd opened to use the Live code only and was selling for 260 so grabbed it.

Just checked the argos site - they now have them selling for 450.

Ouch! Price gouging.

@Salacious-Crumb said in Coronavirus - Overall:

@pakman said in Coronavirus - Overall:

Not sure I understand the offence?

Probably a seat-belt law against riding in the boot - even voluntarily.

I read into it that they got stopped for a minor infringement but used the wrong pronouns.