Often with such complicated issues it is good to break them down into a more understandable format. So here we have Brexit - the omelette problem.

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.

@Siam said in All Blacks v BI Lions Test #3:

World rugby's biggest game advertisement in the fallow years between world cups and is influenced by an insecure refereeing system but the gin swillers will be reminding themselves "controversy lasts far longer in the advertiser's eye than a pure spectacle, and think of the clicks we'll get!"

Even the perpetrator knew he was offside playing at the ball!

Still our beloved team only really have themselves to blame

Taking nothing away from the Lions who will take more pride than us over the drawn series.

It was a great series and none of us predicted it thus.

one question though:

Did it feel lucky to draw that?

honest question from an unquestionably biased kiwi

edit: The question was aimed at Lions supporters (lest I lose my arrogance)

Honest answer? Yeah we were lucky in the end. Lucky on a couple of counts, firstly in that for much of the match we were outplayed and only some uncharacteristic balls ups from NZ kept us in the game. Later on we got nearer to parity and if you're there or thereabouts with 10 minutes to go you have to feel that you have a chance of nicking the game. So lucky but dissatisfied. Secondly the non penalty. I did think is was sort of accidental at least instinctive rather than deliberate, but to me it was definitely a penalty. Whether or not Barret would have slotted the kick is another matter and if he hadn't then you lot would just have had something else to make you spew

We rode our luck over two tests and overall the better team did not win, but that's the beauty of sport. Winning great but you watch because of the uncertainty.

Gatland's legacy will go down as a two-time undefeated Lions head coach (a fact he has reminded us of a couple of times already) but in truth this time round he was very lucky. There was no cunning master plan to out-coach NZ. Fair play to him in Australia four years ago, he got that last game spot on though.

@jegga said in Add Fidel to the 2016 body count:

FFS, how is Yoko Ono is still alive?

A macrobiotic diet. She lives off dead beetles.

And don't forget the police also raided Cliff Richard's house and seized all his computers. Everyone's worst fears were confirmed when they found he'd been making new music.

Nice quote from David Warner following Faf Du Plessis ball tampering of a couple of years back.

"We hold our heads high and I'd be very disappointed if one of our team members did that.

"The rules are in place for a reason. If you're not going to use them why bother having them?

"If you're going to overstep the mark, be prepared to get fined and miss Test matches."

@mariner4life said in Coronavirus - Media Discussion:

I'm fucking done with listening to the opinions of people who have heard or read the same as me

Well your time on the Fern had to end one day.

Well, I watched the game at home and was amazed at the England performance. I thought we had a chance but... Even though we were pretty dominant more or less throughout the game and it was ours to lose almost, there was always in the back of my mind that you just cannot trust a Kiwi to know when to say enough is enough. Having said that I felt reasonably comfortable with four minutes to go and two scores needed but even then... hmmm.

I didn't watch it at the pub as a 9.00 am kick off would have meant ruining the rest of the day but at around 11.40 I got a call from a mate. "I'm down at the Royal Oak and I need someone to talk rugby to. I can't go home and talk to her". So the rest of the day has been washout really. No complaints though.

Thanks to all who have posted congratulations and compliments on our performance. That takes a bit of doing, especially after the success you've had.

No where's that bottle of red?

@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@rocky-rockbottom said in Re: Movie review thread...:

The Living Daylights (1987)

"Timothy Dalton" "TIMOTHY DALTON"? Who the fuck is this weasel-eyed fluffybunny? This wooden wiener is about as suave as goddamn cock cancer. Compared to his illustrious predecessors, messrs Connery and Moore, he looks like he bought his clothes in the fucking supermarket.

"Timothy Dalton". May as well be Tomoko fucken Dildostein for all he's got to do with my Bond franchise. HowTF did he even pass the screen test? His dad must be the goddamn director.

Did the dishes. Read up on the footy. Basically stalled until this bland Where's Wally twat got OFF my telly.

I enjoyed this one. It was a bit 'dark'. Pretty certain a few people who knew Fleming said he said Dalton was his personal favourite Bond.

Necros was one of the coolest henchmen too, better than that homo Dario from LTK

Doubtful seeing as he died 23 years before The Living daylights was made.

@Hooroo said in The Time Has Come To Log In:

@erps You're not an ex-St Pauls lad are you?

If so, I think it was you that told me to check out the fern when discussing rugby at a party in London!

We're not in a blame culture here you know. Own your own mistakes.

@victor-meldrew said in Coronavirus - UK:

@catogrande said in Coronavirus - UK:

@victor-meldrew said in Coronavirus - UK:

@catogrande

Update: Was in ASDA this morning and plenty of people weren't wearing masks nor social distancing. Seemed to be a mix of locals and holiday-makers. Unsure if the likes of Waitrose or Tesco are the same.

Also my dentist has relaxed procedures a bit in their reception area. Pretty much the same PPE for the dentist himself though.

You do realise that this is a public forum don't you?

They do great pizza flavours like "Cheeseburger and BBQ Sauce" and a wide selection of cheap whiskies - as well you know.

Now I'm conflicted. I'm sitting somewhere between <shudder> and <ooh, cheap whiskies>

@victor-meldrew said in Coronavirus - UK:

@catogrande

Update: Was in ASDA this morning and plenty of people weren't wearing masks nor social distancing. Seemed to be a mix of locals and holiday-makers. Unsure if the likes of Waitrose or Tesco are the same.

Also my dentist has relaxed procedures a bit in their reception area. Pretty much the same PPE for the dentist himself though.

You do realise that this is a public forum don't you?

@no-quarter said in Memes:

@kiwiwomble said in Memes:

@tim said in Memes:

seriously...can you explain?

I get it but don't think any of you guys are nearly online enough to understand the evolution of the meme format. It's tier 7 online stuff that the general population won't understand. This goes for most of Tim's memes.

Helpful. Not helpful.

@pakman said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@pecotrain said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@pakman said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

Point being that Boks being 5 behind at end was unlucky, and allowed Lions to close it out. If 2 points different ball game!

5 points means you need to manufacture a try rather than earn a penalty - given that all of SA's try scoring opportunities in the game after the 5 minute mark (when Itoje got his hads on the ball in questionable circumstances) came from mistakes that created opportunities from broken play rather than genuine pressure and broken play was just as likely to result in Lions points as Springbok points.

Your analysis of the reffing is right around Hamish Watson (definite card for tip tackle) but ignores SA having the penalty count going 8 v 1 against them in the second half without losing anyone for deliberate infringing. Of the three TMO incidents for tries, one was clearly correct (knock on by Kolbe), one benefitted the Boks (Fafs try) and the third appears to be correct from the front on angle which wasn't shown during the game but I assume was seen by the TMO.

So whats the Springbok gameplan for the 2nd test? Pretend everything is OK, do the same again and hope they can benefit from TMO mistakes to get more tries?

Great photo. Clear and obvious as mud, in words of Will Greenwood!

And two of those 8 penalties were bogus. Very few in red zone.

But agree with summation. Stick with game plan and it will come down to how the 50:50s break.

I think I’d revert to big eightman.

If you expand that pic it is quite clear really, though obviously not clear at the time from the footage we were shown. But do you really think Le Roux knew exactly where his feet were in relation to the kicker or do you think he was trying to squeeze as much as he could? Like Curry’s late hit on De Klerk, a little bit different and you’re a hero but if you put yourself at the mercy of the officials don’t t expect everything to go your way. The ironic thing is that Le Roux could have been half a yard onside and he would still have scored. Forward pass notwithstanding

@sparky

Likewise really. Don’t really do public transport down here though, the trains don’t go anywhere I need to go and I can’t risk getting on a bus. Someone I know might see me.

@sidbarret said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@catogrande yeah not robbed, just rubbed of green stuff.

Actually the discipline wasn't that bad. High tackle from Etsebeth that was tough call (led to line out that BIL scored off) , an offside against Mapimpi, a scrum penalty where Vanipulo was on an interesting angle. The big one was the maul (three penalties and a try) where we just didn't have an answer.

In the UK comms, Sam Warburton called it late in the first half that if the Lions kept the ball in hand a bit more and just played more rugby in general, the Boks we’re giving away penalties. He must have called that three or four times before we began to play that sort of pattern. In the second half the score and the penalty count backed this up. For sure one can point at some close calls but the numbers overall tell the story.

@sparky

I’d be interested to hear other UK ferners views on freedom day. Locally to us, it seems not much of a change in attitudes and application. A bit less mask wearing, but similar social distancing, a little more flexibility about which doors we go in and out in public places (Ok I mean the pub), by otherwise fairly much as you were.

@sidbarret

Yeah mate, we did get the rub of the green. I don’t think that many of those rub of the green calls were that bad, Kwagga’s strip and the tip tackle aside. The rest for me were close calls, just this time they all seemed to go our way. But that’s test match rugby, you weren’t robbed but similarly if you’d have won, it wouldn’t have been an injustice. The Bok indiscipline in the second half was the most telling factor.

@gibbonrib said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@act-crusader said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@gibbonrib said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@mikethesnow said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@kiwimurph said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@gibbonrib it was no arms as well.

This

Curry should have sat for 10
Cheap, late, dirty
I’d sit him down next match

Wasn't impressed with Curry at all in the first half (although I wasn't impressed by anyone apart from Itoje). Gave away 3(?) penalties, and didn't offer much. Gutted that Tipuric wasn't available.

I think it was only 2 penalties.

But the breakdown work overall by BIL in the first half was very hit and miss. The Boks had their way on both sides of the ball.

Agreed. I thought Price looked very poor in the first half, but in reflection that was largely because he wasn't getting any decent ball.

Lawes' second half means he should get another go. Wasn't convinced by Conan, would much rather see Faletau in. Curry was so-so, but H. Watson didn't do anything. Don't think there are any other 7 options in the squad, so I guess stick with Curry.

AWJ and Itoje should go again.

Front row, Sutherland wasn't great so I'd go Jones (or Mako if he's not fit). LCD would be a better bench option, with either Owens or George to start. Furlong earned another run-on, although I thought Sinkler was also decent when he came on.

I don’t think you can really critique the lack of attacking cutting edge as there really was little in the way of opportunity for any of the backs. Using the same criteria you’d drop Kolbe too - after all he did three-fifths of fuck all!

I don’t think that I would want to see too many changes for the Lions. Wyn Jones comes back if fit and I surprise myself in saying Mako on the bench. The rest of the forwards can stay, though there’s an argument for Watson over Curry. I’d also like to see Simmonds off the bench with half an hour to go.

Price did enough to keep his spot but Murray is now breathing down his neck. Biggar stays if fit with Farrell as the bench option. If Biggar is out then Farrell with Smith on the bench. Other than that I think they all did well enough given the limited amount of decent ball and the limited game plan.

@mikethesnow said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@kiwimurph said in Springboks v British & Irish Lions 1:

@gibbonrib it was no arms as well.

This

Curry should have sat for 10
Cheap, late, dirty
I’d sit him down next match

Dirty? Dunno about that.

If you think Curry should have seen yellow what about Watson? We’d be running out of 7s on that criteria