Great thread this one.
I’ve always been of the belief that if there is something you’re unhappy about or something you want to change then you should do something about it. Don’t die wondering. Stop complaining and do something about it. The sad problem is that there are sometimes factors completely outside your control.
I met the woman who would become my wife when she was a student in Aus and moved to her home country of Norway. It was awesome at first but I became utterly miserable with my life there as the years went on. I hated the cold, hated the dark and started irrationally hating the entire country and culture. I knew I had to get out of there and was all set to leave , but then my father in law got a brain tumour. Move delayed by 3 years. Then we finally moved to Aus. Worked like a maniac to make everyone happy. Was going well, everyone getting adjusted, wife making friends, gets to travel home to Norway with kids regularly, work awesome and talking about a move to the Sunshine Coast. Then she gets breast cancer. 4 years of hell follow with me not daring to even think worst case or talk to her about it. Then worst case happens and it destroyed me. Telling my sons that mamma was not going to get better was absolutely soul destroying. Those poor boys.
So I was at the location I wanted to be, but I’d lost my soulmate and was a widower and single dad and provider at the age of 38. In that situation you can talk to people or whatever but it doesn’t change anything. It won’t bring anyone back and it won’t make a tragic situation any less tragic. The sadness can be triggered by so many things and thankfully I had my boys there with me. They helped me more than I helped them.
So I focussed on the things I could influence. Exercise and eating right made me happy so I did that and did it properly. It helped me get through some very hard days.
Things gradually got better and my eldest pushed me into online dating. Could write a book about all that but I found an amazing new partner who complements my life and lifestyle perfectly. She and her daughter have moved in and we’ve since also made some wonderful new friends in the local community.
So I was bouncing back really well but unfortunately my eldest son went completely off the rails at the end of last year. He had been doing really well. Won a swimming scholarship to a top school, was very popular and had girls throwing themselves at him. But he suddenly got in with a bad crowd, started with drugs and went completely off the rails. Nobody knows exactly why he’s acting like this. Presumably his mother dying is a huge factor, but he refuses to talk to anyone and has thrown his lot in with the absolute dregs of society. He refused to go to school and was then expelled from the shitty school he insisted on going to. Now he’s living with some friends in a flat somewhere, refusing to find another school and doing God knows what. While I think he should come out of this ok in the end, I’m scared shitless that something will happen to him. It’s so hard because whenever I start feeling good about life, the reminder of his situation hits me like a train. If that ain’t enough, my younger brother has apparently disappeared. Tbh I have zero time for him but my parents are obviously beside themselves and I hate to see them so worried and stressed.
Sorry for the ramble and perhaps way too much info, but again the point I’m making is that sometimes total happiness is completely outside your control. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do everything you can to change or improve the things you can influence. I’m the fittest and healthiest I ever been in my life. I give everything to my relationship and my other son and new step daughter. I’m not happy with work so am looking to make changes when Covid is over. I won’t be fully happy until my son comes back to me, but until then I’ll do the best that I can to get the most out of life. What more can you do?