Dad advice sharing thread.
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I'm with McCormick on this one. Schools in NZ are utterly useless at dealing with bullies, there's countless horror stories out there.
My experience to date - my boy is 5 so first year at school, and was picked on by a couple of older kids that chased him around the playground and then held him and wouldn't let him go. My boy then told them to fuck off (as he should), and the older kids went and told the teacher that he'd swore.
We get to school to pick him up and get a big lecture from the teacher around the use of bad words in the playground. Not until we asked him what happened (surely the teacher should have done this!) did we find out the actual story, and that he's been scared of these kids for a while.
Reported this to the school and their whole attitude was to sweep it under the carpet. Kept saying that the kids at his school are all "great" and wouldn't give us any clear idea on what they'd actually done to ensure the older kids were disciplined. And then in the end decided it wasn't bullying after all despite it fitting the textbook definition.
They were frustrating as fuck to deal with. As it stands we know my boy was disciplined for his correct use of the term "fuck off", no idea if the older boys were disciplined, and it took about a month or so for my boy to actually want to/enjoy going to school again.
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@no-quarter said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
Schools don’t seem to interested in tackling bullying. My son was choked until he was unconscious by a little sociopath and his punishment was to spend his lunch hours for a week doing a report about the possible effects of what he did. He also wrote me a grovelling apology full of spelling mistakes, his father had to leave the Uk after his own criminal behaviour bought his rugby career to an end and is quite wealthy so it’s not like the kid was a feral . If anyone wants the dads name feel free to pm me .
Anyway I told my son to pass on a message to the little shit next time they talked which he did verbatim .
“ is your dad still angry at me?”
“ yep and he says if you ever touch me again he’s going to make me a necklace out of your teeth”.Mrs was pissed at me but the problem was solved .
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@no-quarter yep I think schools are struggling to be able to deal with some kids suitably, so where possible, try to ignore it.
A boy that bullied TR Jnr last year, eventually got kicked from his school, then started High School this year, and we dont know exactly why, but he left that high school after 6 weeks (unsure if he was kicked, as a rumour we hear is he was being bullied himself...so chances are, he picked on the wrong kid)
The High School TR Jnr is off to next year is being very proactive with bullying (seen some of the initiatives) so am pleased he chose that school.
I thnk there probably isnt any more bullying than in the past, it is people are more aware and teachers and schools havent got the right tools to deal with it.
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@no-quarter said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
I'm with McCormick on this one. Schools in NZ are utterly useless at dealing with bullies, there's countless horror stories out there.
My experience to date - my boy is 5 so first year at school, and was picked on by a couple of older kids that chased him around the playground and then held him and wouldn't let him go. My boy then told them to fuck off (as he should), and the older kids went and told the teacher that he'd swore.
We get to school to pick him up and get a big lecture from the teacher around the use of bad words in the playground. Not until we asked him what happened (surely the teacher should have done this!) did we find out the actual story, and that he's been scared of these kids for a while.
Reported this to the school and their whole attitude was to sweep it under the carpet. Kept saying that the kids at his school are all "great" and wouldn't give us any clear idea on what they'd actually done to ensure the older kids were disciplined. And then in the end decided it wasn't bullying after all despite it fitting the textbook definition.
They were frustrating as fuck to deal with. As it stands we know my boy was disciplined for his correct use of the term "fuck off", no idea if the older boys were disciplined, and it took about a month or so for my boy to actually want to/enjoy going to school again.
That's fucked up. The worst thing about it is the bullies themselves blubbering to the teachers when their victims fight back. My son was getting teased by some piece of shit of a kid and his little posse. He tried to walk away and told him multiple times to stop or he would wack him. Gave him one last warning then clobbered him. This little turd then went crying to the office. Result. My child gets a 3 day suspension, the little shit who instigated it and upset the "safe space" that is so important to the school got a detention (not that the school would tell me that, for whatever reason they can't tell you what punishment the other child received). I was very reasonable until I realised the school weren't going to budge an inch and just wanted the whole thing to go away. I let fly and have involved my local member and the Education Minister. Probably won't do shit but will hopefully create headaches for the cnut of a principal and his equally repulsive vp.
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@rancid-schnitzel my son told me he will get in tourble if he retaliates...I told him I had his back if that was the case, if another kid hit him, he was allowed to defend himself!
One of the boys that bullied TR Jnr, had to sit on the deck in fornt of the Staff room for 2 weeks at lunch and breaks.
Schools seem very reluctant to suspend the kids unless in extreme situations...one of these boys attacked my son, if outside school, GBH, fortunately he was a pussy with it and none of his knees or kicks to my son on the ground did any damage.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
@no-quarter said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
I'm with McCormick on this one. Schools in NZ are utterly useless at dealing with bullies, there's countless horror stories out there.
My experience to date - my boy is 5 so first year at school, and was picked on by a couple of older kids that chased him around the playground and then held him and wouldn't let him go. My boy then told them to fuck off (as he should), and the older kids went and told the teacher that he'd swore.
We get to school to pick him up and get a big lecture from the teacher around the use of bad words in the playground. Not until we asked him what happened (surely the teacher should have done this!) did we find out the actual story, and that he's been scared of these kids for a while.
Reported this to the school and their whole attitude was to sweep it under the carpet. Kept saying that the kids at his school are all "great" and wouldn't give us any clear idea on what they'd actually done to ensure the older kids were disciplined. And then in the end decided it wasn't bullying after all despite it fitting the textbook definition.
They were frustrating as fuck to deal with. As it stands we know my boy was disciplined for his correct use of the term "fuck off", no idea if the older boys were disciplined, and it took about a month or so for my boy to actually want to/enjoy going to school again.
That's fucked up. The worst thing about it is the bullies themselves blubbering to the teachers when their victims fight back. My son was getting teased by some piece of shit of a kid and his little posse. He tried to walk away and told him multiple times to stop or he would wack him. Gave him one last warning then clobbered him. This little turd then went crying to the office. Result. My child gets a 3 day suspension, the little shit who instigated it and upset the "safe space" that is so important to the school got a detention (not that the school would tell me that, for whatever reason they can't tell you what punishment the other child received). I was very reasonable until I realised the school weren't going to budge an inch and just wanted the whole thing to go away. I let fly and have involved my local member and the Education Minister. Probably won't do shit but will hopefully create headaches for the cnut of a principal and his equally repulsive vp.
The most frustrating part is the total lack of transparency around what they have done to actually address the situation. The VP we talked to stated "the older boys have been dealt with in strict adherence with our policies on bullying", but then when we referred her to the policy on the website she didn't seem to know what they were, and then said "oh the website is wrong we need to update that".
This whole thing coincided with an anti-bullying week the school had, where they wank on about having a zero tolerance for bullying. But then when an incident occurs they do everything they can to sweep it under the carpet. I wonder if they worry about the schools reputation? Or if their hands are just tied by government regulations on what they can actually do?
I've obviously tried to do my part as a parent, and ensure the boy knows not to to take any of this crap to heart etc, that it's the bullies that have the problem not him. We've left it where it is, but if we have another issue then we won't hesitate to escalate it as you have. Overall we've been left with 0 confidence in the schools ability to handle bullying.
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@taniwharugby said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
@no-quarter yep I think schools are struggling to be able to deal with some kids suitably, so where possible, try to ignore it.
A boy that bullied TR Jnr last year, eventually got kicked from his school, then started High School this year, and we dont know exactly why, but he left that high school after 6 weeks (unsure if he was kicked, as a rumour we hear is he was being bullied himself...so chances are, he picked on the wrong kid)
The High School TR Jnr is off to next year is being very proactive with bullying (seen some of the initiatives) so am pleased he chose that school.
I thnk there probably isnt any more bullying than in the past, it is people are more aware and teachers and schools havent got the right tools to deal with it.
The kid you describe sounds like a real piece of work, and I do have some sympathy for schools dealing with kids with serious mental health issues. But for the most part I feel like the school should put way more heat on the bullies and their parents to correct that behavior before they get older.
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@no-quarter I went to school with this kids mum, and she was normal and her brother is a cop here too.
Yeah schools hands are pretty much tied, which is why I think some simply dont know how to deal with kids, given some would be stoked to be suspended, so is hardly a punishment.
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@rancid-schnitzel the little shit that choked my kid busted out the tears too . I wanted him dropped from rugby but his father coaches and sponsors the first 15 and said since it didn’t happen on the rugby field it shouldn’t affect his rugby.
I was keen to take it further, a mate of mine suggested going to the papers as the kids dads former team was touring at the time and his kids behaviour coupled with his dads history would have made for some nice click bait but my son wanted to put it behind him.
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@no-quarter said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
@no-quarter said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
I'm with McCormick on this one. Schools in NZ are utterly useless at dealing with bullies, there's countless horror stories out there.
My experience to date - my boy is 5 so first year at school, and was picked on by a couple of older kids that chased him around the playground and then held him and wouldn't let him go. My boy then told them to fuck off (as he should), and the older kids went and told the teacher that he'd swore.
We get to school to pick him up and get a big lecture from the teacher around the use of bad words in the playground. Not until we asked him what happened (surely the teacher should have done this!) did we find out the actual story, and that he's been scared of these kids for a while.
Reported this to the school and their whole attitude was to sweep it under the carpet. Kept saying that the kids at his school are all "great" and wouldn't give us any clear idea on what they'd actually done to ensure the older kids were disciplined. And then in the end decided it wasn't bullying after all despite it fitting the textbook definition.
They were frustrating as fuck to deal with. As it stands we know my boy was disciplined for his correct use of the term "fuck off", no idea if the older boys were disciplined, and it took about a month or so for my boy to actually want to/enjoy going to school again.
That's fucked up. The worst thing about it is the bullies themselves blubbering to the teachers when their victims fight back. My son was getting teased by some piece of shit of a kid and his little posse. He tried to walk away and told him multiple times to stop or he would wack him. Gave him one last warning then clobbered him. This little turd then went crying to the office. Result. My child gets a 3 day suspension, the little shit who instigated it and upset the "safe space" that is so important to the school got a detention (not that the school would tell me that, for whatever reason they can't tell you what punishment the other child received). I was very reasonable until I realised the school weren't going to budge an inch and just wanted the whole thing to go away. I let fly and have involved my local member and the Education Minister. Probably won't do shit but will hopefully create headaches for the cnut of a principal and his equally repulsive vp.
The most frustrating part is the total lack of transparency around what they have done to actually address the situation. The VP we talked to stated "the older boys have been dealt with in strict adherence with our policies on bullying", but then when we referred her to the policy on the website she didn't seem to know what they were, and then said "oh the website is wrong we need to update that".
This whole thing coincided with an anti-bullying week the school had, where they wank on about having a zero tolerance for bullying. But then when an incident occurs they do everything they can to sweep it under the carpet. I wonder if they worry about the schools reputation? Or if their hands are just tied by government regulations on what they can actually do?
I've obviously tried to do my part as a parent, and ensure the boy knows not to to take any of this crap to heart etc, that it's the bullies that have the problem not him. We've left it where it is, but if we have another issue then we won't hesitate to escalate it as you have. Overall we've been left with 0 confidence in the schools ability to handle bullying.
I got the same policy bullshit. Apparently I was supposed to be happy that it was only 3 days and that this "policy" was set in stone. Found their rules and guidelines and showed them that it was bullshit. Then the full retard bureaucrat comes out and they just deflect. I guess they expect that most parents will just give up (which I suspect they do, sometimes these fights are just not worth it).
The thing is that if my son had been involved in anything resembling bullying I would personally ring the school and ask them to punish him. Yet the perverse logic is that those who fight back against the bullies get punished worse than those who actually create the toxic environment to begin with.
I'm now waiting for a callback from the vc about another incident. A girl was teasing my son and calling him, among other things, a manwhore (he is a bit but that's hardly the point). He ignored her until it got too much and told her to "fuck off bitch". She then started teasing him about his mum being dead. She was laughing as she said it. Obviously that was massively upsetting to him. If it was a boy he would have beat the shit out of him and I'll bet they still would have suspended him. He told a teacher who talked to the girl. I obviously contacted the school. The report back was that she had been talked to and was receiving an "appropriate" punishment. But son comes home and tells me he was grilled by vc about what he said and that she tried to draw some kind of equivalency between that and what the girl said to him. That was Friday. I'm now waiting for vc to tell her what I think about that. Why tf would you do that to a kid who lost his mum less than a year ago and was clearly shattered by what was said? Just why?
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@jegga said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
@rancid-schnitzel the little shit that choked my kid busted out the tears too . I wanted him dropped from rugby but his father coaches and sponsors the first 15 and said since it didn’t happen on the rugby field it shouldn’t affect his rugby.
I was keen to take it further, a mate of mine suggested going to the papers as the kids dads former team was touring at the time and his kids behaviour coupled with his dads history would have made for some nice click bait but my son wanted to put it behind him.
It think you should. These fuckers shouldn't be able to get away with it. I would be furious if my sons were involved with bullying. But I understand that your boy wants to move on. What a horrible experience for him.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
The thing is that if my son had been involved in anything resembling bullying I would personally ring the school and ask them to punish him. Yet the perverse logic is that those who fight back against the bullies get punished worse than those who actually create the toxic environment to begin with.
Most schools are just not interested in dealing with bullies. It's shit, but that's life. That said, they seem to find it easier to crack down on the retaliation than the bullying - as most have found out.
'tis a bit shit, and a difficult life lesson to learn early. Really don't know how to change that shit though
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It's a problem that has two clear drivers; decreasing talent pool for the positions and fear of litigious parents.
It's unfortunate that a child should be punished for exercising their right to self defence.
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TR Jnr has been doing Tae Kwon Do since he started getting bullied, so I know if someone has a crack, he has the tools to defend himself, and alot of the talk at TKD is about defence and then getting out of the situation (ie maybe a punch or a kick to slow the bully down, then leave)
From when I have done some sparring with him before gradings, I know he can hit hard, but I am still not sure he has it in him to hit someone.
But I have told him he needs to just be aware of people around him, when he walks past the known dickheads, he should make sure his spidey senses are on full, so he doesnt get caught by surprise.
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@antipodean said in Dad advice sharing thread.:
It's a problem that has two clear drivers; decreasing talent pool for the positions and fear of litigious parents.
It's unfortunate that a child should be punished for exercising their right to self defence.
Yep, principal admitted as much when forced into a corner. Unfortunately there are so many fucking idiot parents out there. If my son had repeatedly abused a bigger kid after being told for almost a full day to back off and warned of the repurcussions, I would have told him he deserved whatever response he received. If anything it's an important life lesson. Do that in a pub or nightclub and you may end up in hospital.
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@taniwharugby TKD is a great idea, I will get my son into that. If for nothing more than his self confidence.
@Rancid-Schnitzel that's fucking horrible mate, I would be absolutely fuming. My son's school did the same thing, trying to draw an equivalence between being physically held and my boy telling the kid to fuck off. Personally I was proud of him for standing up for himself.
I agree that if my son was involved in bullying another kid I'd want to be all over that shit, as a parent it's my primary job to ensure that sort of behavior is stamped out early. Also agree that many parents wouldn't follow through which is probably why the school attempts to downplay it initially. My wife is a lawyer so wasn't willing to just let it go, and gave the VP an absolute grilling when we met with her which was pretty amusing.
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@no-quarter yeah the confidence thing is a huge part of it.
TR Jnr is too mellow (except where his sister involved) and I am also trying to teach him a bit more awareness of the situation.
So often he'd come home saying this happened or that happened and I'd say well why didnt you just stay away or do this and he'd say oh I had to go that way, or I had to be there cos...learnign that he sees the dickheads in his path when he is going somewhere, he should go another way, or be aware of them and keep an eye on them to see if they are trying to get round behind.
But kids are dickheads these days.
Boy in story above that got kicked out of school, one day at rugby training (he aint in my team) he tried to take on one of the bigger boys, who basically tackled him to the ground and held him there saying I dont want to hurt you, but if you keep being a dick, I will.
He then threatened to go get his mates and come back, all the boys laughed and that was the last of that matter.
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My 9 year old son loves rugby, but has had to stop due to some sort of wierd issue which the doctprs cannot figure out, means he just cannot run properly/quickly. All the serious shit has been eliminated, so no cancers or nasty diseases, and they really dont think it is arthritis.
Even harder when his little sister still plays rugby...
But things have a purpose, and he still won the club champs at Tennis and most of his interclub games, and he discovered his one true sporting love.
Leg spin bowling! Little fucker is a dead set legend at it, learnt it all from youtube videos and ALOT of practice down the hallway over last summer holidays, can bowl straight and get significant turn, last few weeks he was practicing his front foot pivoting so he can bring his back leg through. Apparently that is what Shane Warne said to do on Youtube...
He is carving up at indoor cricket, not really bowling anyone as his leggies spin away from wicket and he cannot bowl a googly at will (it just happens randomly).
Last year at Bay Oval ODI Joe Root handed out practice balls to the kids, and Will was lucky enough to get one... Root offered to sign it and Wil said 'No thanks, I just want Kane williamsons signature as he went to his school, Trent Boult as he plays at the same club as Dad, and Ish Sodhis as he is a leg spinner' .. Root looked a little shocked at the speech and for once I was truly embarrassed. Could have killed him. Thankfully Root just laughed and told the ginger wicketkeeper they had... who told Sodhi and Will got all 3 signatures. I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me.
Sadly when I sggested Will play cricket this summer he has ZERO interest, would rather play tennis, and he doesnt want to play outdoor cricket he just wants to bowl legspin. Weird little freak.
Black Caps. Dream. OverHe has asked for his xmas present to be some legspin bowling lessons.. where the fuck do you order that??