Weight loss tips for fat cunts

Bullethole

Hey team, 
 
I need some pearls of wisdom from you blokes. 
 
I want to get back into social sport next year so I need to build up my fitness.Â But more importantly, summer is fast approaching and if I want to spend it frying my meat and two veg on Tamarama Beach with Rachel Griffiths and MVJ, I need to shed a few pounds. 
 
I've been running an hour a day, eating shitloads of celery, not going anywhere near fast food and drinking hard liquor instead of beer, but no real results yet.Â Basically I would love to know whether or not there is in fact any truth to the following myths, as I really have no clue: 
 
It's not how far you run, it's how long you run for. 
 
The more celery you eat, the more weight you lose. 
 
You're better off drinking straight liquor (e.g. scotch on the rocks) than beer. 
 
You're better off eating three big meals a day than smaller meals with snacks in between. 
 
Sit ups achieve fuck all. 
 
That's it for now.Â Might think of a few more later. Sorry this isn't very rugby related but I didn't know where to post it and if anyone can come up with miracle weight loss tips that don't involve giving up alcohol, I'll owe them a beer. 
 
Cheers, 
Barnya

Miller V Jackson

I don't care what else you're doing, if you're running for an hour a day you have to be losing weight unless you're running after the pie van and consistently catching it. 
 
For that you will owe me a scotch on the rocks, which has become MvJ's drink of choice. If you behave yourself I will invite you in to work to have one or two.

shark

You're better off eating five or six smaller meals a day as this gives the bod more chance to work off each helping, you tubby little prick. 
 
The Pot.

shark

[quote]on Tamarama Beach with Rachel Griffiths[/quote] 
 
Oh yeah - what the fuck??? She has the face of a bloke, but to your credit, great cans. 
 
Stay away from those Milo smoothies from the shop just behind the beach.

voodoo

White spirits instead of dark - less sugar. 
 
If you get no results from exercise, change what you do - your body gets used to the same thing.Â Circuit training and weights for diversity.Â Lay off the carbs, and as shark says, loads of smaller meals is the go.

Bullethole

You're a hard man to please shark, Rachel has something not many Aussie birds have; style and class.Â And, as you rightly point out, a fine set of jublees. 
 
MVJ: that's what I wonder about, I run so slowly that I'm not sure how much good it's doing.Â I run for an hour but still only go about 9km on reasonably flat terrain. 
 
Alright voyeurs, straight vodka it is!

Kirwan

Eat six small meals a day (boosts you metabilism), drink lots of Green Tea, drink two litres of water a day, drop alcohol intake to one day a week, lower your fat and carb intake (fresh fruit and veg, high protein diet). 
 
Exercise in the morning for at least 20min, it increases you metabolism for the rest of the day. And there is a difference in getting fit and burning fat, so an hour is good at the right intensity (hard, but not ball bustingly hard). 
 
Do that for a month, exercising at least three to four times a week and you will lose wieght. Helps to log what you eat and how much you exercise. You'll be surprised how much you cheat. 
 
Oh, and do simple things like "take the stairs" or walk to places you would normally drive to. Exercise for free.

Thomond78

You need to expend more energy than you ingest. Simple as. 
 
What makes it a hoor is that your body doesn't want to do this. It's homostasis; your metabolism will, insofar as possible, adjust to the demand and input to ensure that you don't burn more than you take in (the good reason for which being that for most of human history, this has helped prevent people starving...). 
 
Kirwan's points are all good, especially about stairs, etc. Eat more fibre; eat more low GI foods, as they prevent insulin peaks and consequent sugar lows that'll cause cravings for sugary food. 
 
Do weights. Running alone changes your metabolism to that of a distance runner; you can now run for longer distances at low-medium intensity, but you'll not have muscle the same way you would if you spent the same time playing rugby. Muscle burns energy even when you're doing nothing, and thereby keeps you metabolic rate up so that you can get over the hump of homostasis more easily. Plus it makes you look better on the beach. 
 
Change your form of exercise so that you're not doing the same thing all the time as well; again, homostasis. 
 
Vodka straight can help a bit, but given that you can run a car on alcohol, just be aware of how much energy is involved. It does help if you can get laid on a night on the piss, as you can work off a surprising amount of it while horizontal jogging.Â <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />

Smudge

[quote name='Thomond78'] 
Vodka straight can help a bit, but given that you can run a car on alcohol, just be aware of how much energy is involved. [b]It does help if you can get laid on a night on the piss, as you can work off a surprising amount of it while horizontal jogging.Â <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />[/b] 
[/quote] 
 
C'mon Thomond, these need to be realistic ideas for Barnya.

shark

Yes, classy and stylish blouse there Barn... 
 
[img]http://adorocinema.cidadeinternet.com.br/personalidades/atores/rachel-griffiths/rachel-griffiths03.jpg[/img] 
 
But oh, wait a minute, her saving grace(s)... 
 
[img]http://www.heavenlycelebrities.com/Pics/rachel_griffiths/rachel_griffiths266.jpg[/img] 
 
Looking pointy, but significantly down on their normal volume.

Paj

[quote name='Thomond78'] 
It does help if you can get laid on a night on the piss, as you can work off a surprising amount of it while horizontal jogging.Â <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /> 
[/quote] 
 
I'd be bloody surprised at how much anyone would lose in ten seconds?

Ollie Oliver

What would these six meals a day consist of? Is there a particular pattern you should follow?

Coastie

If you can be bothered look for a book called South Beach Diet - can't remember the author. Otherwise, here's a small summary: 
 
For 2 weeks straight:

don't eat any carbos after 5pm - so no bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, pizza
eat plenty of meat, veges, salads for dinner but none of the stuff above that goes with it
don't drink any booze (sorry, I'll get my coat) but if you do make it wine, preferrably red
exercise 2 or 3 times a week
drink plenty of water
try and avoid fatty foods during the day but eat things like - low fat yoghurt, rice crackers, raw cashews, raw almonds, celery, salads (plenty of that but without dressing), low fat cheese (tastes like shit so in small quantities)
don't let yourself go hungry so eat a bits of each of the above during the day
always eat something for breakfast (as Kirwan says your metabolism works better then)
only eat fruit in small quantities otherwise you get too much sugar 
 
After the first 2 weeks you should've been able to drop 5 kgs or so and for the next 2 weeks you can slowly introduce things back into your diet like whoewheat bread, some rice, etc.

Ollie Oliver

Awesome, cheers Coastie.

Miller V Jackson

Gentlemen, 
 
Did some of you miss the bit where YankBarf said he wanted an exercise programme which did not involve laying off the booze?Â <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /> And let me be the first to tell you, that is not an unreasonable request. 
 
MvJ agrees with Kirwan about logging your exercise though; I me my runs, and record them on my computer and find it encouraging. 
 
Also have you tried taking up smoking and replacing meals with cigarettes?

Coastie

I did see that thanks MvJ and did offer to get my coat after suggesting no piss.Â <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /> Of course it's totally out of the question even thinking about it.Â Â

shark

What happened to Rachels' welcoming bosom?

Dodge

she is rough. 
 
Coastie, main reason you lose weight quickly on that diet is because you lose water, which isn't fat.Â Its not a long term solution. 
 
Barn, best advice is to vary the type of exercise, its also better to work for 20 - 30 minutes at a higher intensity than it is to work for an hour at a low intensity, cut down on fat intake and eat smaller meals more often, its advice I should follow myself but don't.Â

Speaking of fitness programs - has anyone here tried the Spartan Health regime? (or know someone wjp has) I hear its a worthy book with all the eating, fitness, and health stuff in one place and a no bullshit approach. 
 
[quote name='shark'] 
What happened to Rachels' welcoming bosom? 
[/quote] 
Has she had kids? That can contribute to major sagginess if breastfeeding happens. 
 
Coastie's regime is actually a very good one and I did a couple of those simple things to shed a bit of pork fat a couple of years back (though I put it back on through lack of willpower). My system was:

No carbs after lunch time - so dinner excludes potatoes, rice, and pasta which are three of the big killers. These can be bloody hard to remove because we're conditoned as kids to eat them. If you want to have carbs for breakfast or lunch then feel free because there is a good chance you'll burn them. The problem is carb intake during the evening where you're unlikely to use the energy :nta though your nocturnal goat-pushing activities might help here <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':(' />
Muscle training - things you can do without using equipment. This helps you burn energy and define some shape. Aim to do each of the four once per day in order, and preferably at the same time of day so you can consistently judge your performance. Do a set of each in the order below daily, as many as you can each time, and repeat three times with a 30 second break between each: 
[b]Pushups[/b] - you can vary this by e.g. putting your feet up on a bench instead of on the same level as your hands. That way you work a slightly different part of the muscle. 
[b]Crunches[/b] (NOT situps) - do standard crunches, vary with crossovers, static holds (crunch up and hold for as long as possible - aim to increase by 15 second intervals) 
[b]Chinups[/b] - tough for a fat bastard like me but easier once the weight goes down 
[b]Lunges[/b] (each leg) - has to be done correctly - abs tensed, torso upright, feel the push with your glutes and the stretch through your legs. Don't let your front knee go forward, and get your back knee onto the floor each time. 
 
If on Monday you did 30 pushups in the first set, but on Tuesday could only do 25, then go through the exercises only once - the idea is to improve your muscle, not continually bash it into submission, and your body needs time to recover. Helps if you log this stuff so you can keep an eye on your improvement not just at the first set, but for ALL the sets. You may not improve radically on the first lot, but your endurance increases so that the second and third are better as time goes by.
Fitness training - I don't run any more due to shin splints but cycle now (not as often as I'd like but daylight saving is here so I'm out of excuses) and as a general rule will do up to an hour or so a minimum of twice a week. Roadwork whether running or cycling is a key to fitness.
Drink minimum 2 litres of water per day and more if you keep exercising hard. Throw away those "Sports Drinks" as they won't really serve you any better. You're going to go to the toilet a lot anyway.
I find that a multivitamin tablet per day helps. If you eat enough fresh fruit and veg then you'll piss half the vitamins out (watch for that bright green stream <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />) but you've got to make sure that your body has enough juice to keep going. 
 
Now I'm thinking about doing it all over again and to be frank could bloody do with a significant trim. I did 5 push ups the other night and thought I'd given myself a cerebral haemorrhage <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

BartMan

body for life - get the book, and follow the eating plan.Â basically 6 meals a day etc.Â 
 
Once you wade through all the yank bullshit, trying to sell you suppliments etc (which you don't need), it is pretty handy. 
 
I have been following that for about 8 weeks (and have done it before with great results too), and it is working a treat. 
 
Don't follow their training regime, as have mine own.Â 
 
I've been rowing on an erg 4 times a week, and weights twice a week. 
 
Monday - row 5k and 10k (morning / evening) 
Tuesday - row - weights 2 x 5k rows 1 in morning 1 evening before weights 
Wednesday - see monday 
Thursday - see Tuesday 
Friday is usually touch, and perhaps a 20 minute row - just a cruise, not hard out 
Saturday and Sunday, whatever you want to do - if you do nothing over the weekend, you sure hit the ground running on the monday for that fiurst row!! 
 
Best thing about teh boyd for live eating - one day of seven, eat whatever shit you like, drink what you like, amke a pig of yourself.Â However, you start not doing it anyway, as your huinger for the bad foods vanish. 
 
I have gone from 118 to 107 with first the weights / rowing for last 10-12 weeks, and the eating in the last couple of months. 
 
Back to my playing weight, 6 years on, look out world, and touch rugby, I am now officially dangerousÂ :coolsmiley:

Parcy v2.0

I probably shouldn't be posting in this thread, considering I may well be the heaviest Ferner and, let's face it, just a coronary away from a triple bypass... but that's never stopped me before. 
 
What you need is a balance diet yet, i.e. big breakie, good lunch and very little for dinner, no snacks in between of course. If you eat too much after 3pm you're farked. 
 
Also loads of veg and fruits, 5 different kinds a day minimum.

RL

[quote name='Miller V Jackson'] 
I don't care what else you're doing, if you're running for an hour a day you have to be losing weight unless you're running after the pie van and consistently catching it. [/quote] 
 
Quote of the year.

I have different take on diets that require 5 or 6 luittle meals a day. I tried 'em and they never work for me, it makes me feel like a cow, half-full, half-empty, continually grazing, never satisfied, and the meal frequency means i'm always thinking of food. 
 
I like gorging myself but i also don't mind hunger, and being free of food thoughts for periods. So I work around this. 
My big meal is dinner where I eat as much meat, fish, eggs, veg, fruit as i wont but i have no or very little starches or refined sugar. For breakfast and lunch I have smaller meals, avoid filling myself up, and have a normal mix of protein, carbs, fats. 
 
ie. Breakfast: peanut butter and honey sanwich, glass 2% milk; or porridge w/ honey and glass milk; or ommelette. (8-9am) 
Â Â Lunch: order in at work usually, so sandwich or one of those rice/meat/veg meal combo things that 50kg women think are filling meals. bit of fruit (1pm) 
Â Â Might have small snack at 6pm if going for heavy gym session in evening. Other than this I dont snack at all. 
Â Dinner: Bunch (4-8) sole filets, asparagus, 1 piece fruit; or, 3/4 - 1 whole roast chicken, spinach etc. I eat until I dont want or cant eat any more. Usually have this meal btw 8-9 pm. 
 
Other things: 
 
Drink loads of water 
 
lift heavy weights in multijoint lifts, i find this as effective and more pleasant than doing loads of cardio: squats, dls, cleans, snatch, jerk. 
 
sleep loads. very important, dont know why but 9 hrs or more works a treat for weight loss for me. 
 
get laid. not joking. not coz of the enrgy expended in the act. but fustration when going without can (for me anyway) be taken out on food.

[quote name='baboon'] 
sleep loads. very important, dont know why but 9 hrs or more works a treat for weight loss for me. 
 
get laid. not joking. not coz of the enrgy expended in the act. but fustration when going without can (for me anyway) be taken out on food. [/quote] 
 
Point 1 - recovery basically. A lot of weight trainers recommend an afternoon nap. Freshens the mind and the body. 
 
Point 2 - agreed <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />

Coastie

[quote name='Dodge'] 
she is rough. 
 
Coastie, main reason you lose weight quickly on that diet is because you lose water, which isn't fat.Â Its not a long term solution. 
 
Barn, best advice is to vary the type of exercise, its also better to work for 20 - 30 minutes at a higher intensity than it is to work for an hour at a low intensity, cut down on fat intake and eat smaller meals more often, its advice I should follow myself but don't.Â 
[/quote] 
Dodge, 
Take your point but you still need to drink loads of water and can burn up fat with the exercise on South Beach. The first 2 weeks is basically trying to get your body flushed of toxins brought on from lots of everyday foods you eat. As Bart points out your body also needs conditioning not to crave the foods that give you the sugar hits and stores the fat. Once you stop eating them you'll find you don't really want to eat them. This is not even that tough to stick to if you have a small amount of self discipline. Avoiding carbo loaded food in the evenings means that the unused carbos the body doesn't burn will not turn to fat. There are various stages of the diet you can revert back to if you find yourself slipping. Pretty easy overall. Went from 90kgs down to 83 in the first 2 weeks and have managed to stay around that mark for the past 6 months.Â

Dodge

[quote name='Coastie'] 
Dodge, 
Take your point but you still need to drink loads of water and can burn up fat with the exercise on South Beach. The first 2 weeks is basically trying to get your body flushed of toxins brought on from lots of everyday foods you eat. As Bart points out your body also needs conditioning not to crave the foods that give you the sugar hits and stores the fat. Once you stop eating them you'll find you don't really want to eat them. This is not even that tough to stick to if you have a small amount of self discipline. Avoiding carbo loaded food in the evenings means that the unused carbos the body doesn't burn will not turn to fat. There are various stages of the diet you can revert back to if you find yourself slipping. Pretty easy overall. Went from 90kgs down to 83 in the first 2 weeks and have managed to stay around that mark for the past 6 months.Â 
[/quote] 
 
sorry, wasn't implying that you dehydrate, just that you lose water you normally retain in muscles etc.Â That always builds up again which is the main reason that weight lost on things like Atkins is so fast at first before slowing down.

True Dodge and I'd never use the low-carb thing for long periods (mostly because it shits me). But you could also say that an exercise routine of any kind will start to slow down its effects after a quick start - there is a point at about 6 weeks where your progress starts to taper off because your body wakes up to the exercises you're doing and you have to change to see more progress. 
 
The main thing about getting the weight off quickly through carb-cutting means you can actually do more exercise for longer periods which is the key thing.

Miller V Jackson

[quote name='baboon'] 
I have different take on diets that require 5 or 6 luittle meals a day. I tried 'em and they never work for me, it makes me feel like a cow, half-full, half-empty, continually grazing, never satisfied, and the meal frequency means i'm always thinking of food. [/quote] 
 
Yup. The 5-6 meal thing a day is more trouble than it's worth as far as I'm concerned. I just am not going to prepared 6 meals a day; Christ, three has me stretched. Sod mapping out 6 for a jokeÂ <img src='http://www.daimenhutchison.com/invision/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />

BartMan

6 meals is day is hard work, but works really well.Â You seem to be preparing food all day!Â much easier to dothat for 5 days, and then on weekends eat normal again.Â (like theÂ body for life but with 5 on 2 off, rather than 6 / 1.

Tim

A good, layman-friendly, article on general nutrition can be found here: 
 
[url="http://www.harvard-magazine.com/on-line/050465.html"]http://www.harvard-magazine.com/on-line/050465.html[/url] 
 
In my weight loss phases I have concentrated on reducing sugar and refined carb intake. Lowering GI of foods has been a goal. 
 
It is worth checking out the "zone diet" book too. Written by a prof of biochemistry.

BartMan

starting by knocking off bread is a good one - I a typical Kiwi, and bread n butter goes with ANY meal.Â Soon as I reduced intake to nothing but perhaps sandwich for lunch, weight started flowing off, andÂ started feeling so clogged too.

Tim

[quote name='BartMan'] 
starting by knocking off bread is a good one - I a typical Kiwi, and bread n butter goes with ANY meal.Â Soon as I reduced intake to nothing but perhaps sandwich for lunch, weight started flowing off, andÂ started feeling so clogged too. 
[/quote] 
 
Yep, cutting back the bread can be good, especially if you eat refined grain (white) bread. Can be difficult to be sure your is wholegrain too.

Irish Richard

Have dropped 5kgs in 8 weeks. 
 
Main tips:

Exercise (cardio) first thing in the morning for at least 30 mins
Before you do any cardio exercise in the evenings begin by lifting weights for 20-30 mins
Drop all carbs after 5pm
Do no more than 1 hour cardio at a time - or you will lose muscle
Stay off the drink
Rest when your body feels tired

safa

Not recommended by many doctors, but I lost a lot of weight on the ecstasy/speed diet while in London. For 2 years, I was very trim, and probably the most fun diet out there. Of course, my brain was mush by the end of it, but you can#t have everything... :idiot2:

My mate tried speed-walking for 1-2 hours a day, worked a treat

BartMan

yes IR - if you just lose cardio, you will lose fat, and muscle, more muscle than fat in fact! 
 
so combine resistance training with the weights, and you will lose more fat, and gain muscle. 
 
There is a study thing on the wall at the gym, I will try and find the figures tomorrow, interesting reading in thi study!

Rancid Schnitzel

Supplements like protein shakes are a great way to lose weight and take the hunger cravings away. Just have one when you might normally have a snack and it works wonders. 
 
A few months back I was a few kilos overweight. I've lifted weights for a number of years but farking hate cardio and wanted to avoid the treadmill as much as possible. Basically what I did was completely alter my diet. I still eat heaps but I don't eat or drink crap (e.g. potato chips, softdrink, cake, icecream etc). I have 5 protein shakes a day plus a big lunch and dinner. The results have been pretty amazing. I also do the little things which help like taking stairs instead of lifts or escalator and walking to the shops instead of driving. 
 
That may sound boring but believe me it works. Supplements can be pricey though.Â

BartMan

good call - the junk / snack food kills you.Â Cut out fizyy drinks (sugar in a bottle!), and the chips n dips etc, and you are halfway there.Â 
 
And you don't REALLY miss them when they aren't there. 
 
Like the Body for Life thing though, have 1 day off a week when you can give into your cravings, and have the shit food - you'll soon lose the taste for it!

Ollie Oliver

For me it's only been a week and I'm noticing huge changes. Cutting the crap out does wonders, not to mention transferring to low-fat bread/milk etc. I'm quite shocked to see this kind of progress so early on. Defintely encouraging. Cheers, fellas.

[quote name='Rancid Schnitzel'] 
Supplements like protein shakes are a great way to lose weight and take the hunger cravings away. Just have one when you might normally have a snack and it works wonders.[/quote] 
 
Good idea, just make sure to keep a regular water intake when on protein shakes, they tend to dry you out a little... mine do anyway 
 
[quote name='Rancid Schnitzel'] 
A few months back I was a few kilos overweight. I've lifted weights for a number of years but farking hate cardio and wanted to avoid the treadmill as much as possible. Basically what I did was completely alter my diet. I still eat heaps but I don't eat or drink crap (e.g. potato chips, softdrink, cake, icecream etc). I have 5 protein shakes a day plus a big lunch and dinner. The results have been pretty amazing. I also do the little things which help like taking stairs instead of lifts or escalator and walking to the shops instead of driving.[/quote] 
 
I do pretty much the same.Â Cutting out crap and doing the little things are a good motivational change also, you feel miles better in very little time.Â An idea I've found works is replacing regular tea/coffee with green tea.Â Once you get over the hippy taste it's really not that bad, plus it's proven to be fat-burning antioxidant... though it's also proven you need to consume atleast 6 cups a day in order to achieve any kind of results.Â Eating a bunch of dry almond nuts as a meal replacement is another - high in protein and vitamin E, low in saturated fat.

TSF

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Weight loss tips for fat cunts