Dad advice sharing thread.



  • @mariner4life yeah double-confirmed with him later, once the trippin bitchez in our household were out of earshot.


  • Banned

    @raznomore said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    I have an 11 year old son. He is probably the most innocent kid at his school. He's well liked by the kids and a teachers dream. He and I have a very close relationship and he is suddenly talking to me about a girl he likes. I asked him if he had told her how he feels and he said no. But then he said "But i guess if I don't do anything about it I won't get anywhere". I liked that he realises this, I say shit like that to him is sports(you miss 100% of the shot you don't take etc..). He's so bloody sensitive Im concerned she'll crush him if its not reciprocated. That's life, it has to happen to grow and I can live with him learning that lesson. But I have absolutely no idea what to do if he ends up with a mrs...

    Any tips?

    He sounds like a lovely kid and I share your concern about the effect rejection can have on him. Any rejection I suffered destroyed my confidence. Some people can just brush that shit off but others can get laid low about it. I think the most important thing is to build up his self-esteem and self-confidence.

    If it does go well then I don't think there are too many concerns in terms of doing certain stuff too early. My son was labelled a manwhore by the girls at his school last year, but even at 13 it all seemed very innocent. The problem is the distraction. With all the farking texting and social media bullshit they don't concentrate on school or stuff they need to do. He's at an all boys school now and he's far more focused.


  • Banned

    @NTA said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    At this end I've been trying to sound out the boy on who he's interested in. It is a pretty blank wall so far, though it is hard to get conversation through to him when he's on the PS4 all the time 😉

    He's going to see Captain Marvel today with a bunch of his primary school friends he doesn't get to see that often as they all ended up at different high schools. Mrs TA and I (and Miss TA) will totally NOT be observing them from within the same cinema. 😉

    He won't tell you shit. My son was telling me he wasn't interested in girls and then a few days later one of his mates comes around and tells me how he was churning through them and was getting quite the reputation. Lucky bastard.



  • @Rancid-Schnitzel this girl that is (still) chasing TR Jnr, at 13 has already gained a 'reputation' without actually doing anything (physical) but that label will stick with her, all because she has had about 7 or 8 boyfriends since school started 6 weeks ago.

    I expect once she gets to that age of activity, she will either be that label, or the other (opposite) label.

    He wont tell me who he actually likes, reckons I wont know her, but I said if I don't know her, what difference will it make if he tells me her name...

    I have made a point of talking about this stuff with him in hope that when it comes time to talk properly, he feels he can talk to me about it.


  • Banned

    @taniwharugby said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @Rancid-Schnitzel this girl that is (still) chasing TR Jnr, at 13 has already gained a 'reputation' without actually doing anything (physical) but that label will stick with her, all because she has had about 7 or 8 boyfriends since school started 6 weeks ago.

    I expect once she gets to that age of activity, she will either be that label, or the other (opposite) label.

    He wont tell me who he actually likes, reckons I wont know her, but I said if I don't know her, what difference will it make if he tells me her name...

    I have made a point of talking about this stuff with him in hope that when it comes time to talk properly, he feels he can talk to me about it.

    I guess it's good that they're the ones being chased after. I hear stories about some kids who have asked almost every girl in the grade of they'll be his girlfriend. In the end he got a blind girl, I shit you not.

    I dated a woman with a son the same age as mine who kept coming home lamenting that no girl would like him. That can't be easy.



  • @Rancid-Schnitzel ha yeah I said to him, if you dont make it easy for them, they like you more...

    When I was his age I never thought I'd get a GF (I did go to an all boys school though...)

    We always knew he'd be fine when it came to talking to girls, its more stopping talking and talking shit to fill the silence he has issues with haha

    Alas, still growing up too fast though!



  • It is giving kids the confidence to talk in the first place that is the hard bit.

    And also with boys: making them understand that teenage girls are just as frothing mad for it as they are, just that they appear aloof and in control because they're also low on self-confidence.



  • JKjnrs first hardball cricket season is done and dusted. Fair to say...he is hooked.

    Batting and bowling really improved over the season. Fielding too actually, really sharp when it comes to throwing down the wickets, just needs to work on those first time clean pickups.

    Ended up as leading bowler for his team is terms of number of wickets, strike rate, average and economy. Batting not as good as just doesnt hit the boundaries the other kids do but gets bat on ball a lot and keeps runs ticking over. Only got out 5 times in the 15 games he played so thats pleasing.

    Made his reps team too for takapuna and won the north harbour competion as well as a quadrangular tournament where they smashed each of University, Cornwall and Howick-Pak who are much bigger and strong clubs. First time takapuna has done this at that age level so pretty big acheivement for the boys.

    Now on to the rugby season!



  • Am not sure if this word exists, if it doesn't it should, and I'm claiming it (and anyway I came up with it myself):

    "Dadsplaining": hormonal teenage daughter's impression of exceedingly patient father's answer to question about geography homework while getting interrupted every second word.

    Rearrange the following four words: Wall head against bashing

    She got over it.



  • Have not had any luck getting my middle boy interested in doing team sports. He is 18 months younger then number 1 and can be hard work. But hes a tough little bugger and I think he would really enjoy the contact. But at 5 he just can't grasp the concept of team work so any attempts so far have not gone well.

    For now his sport consists of bike rides in the forest. Which he loves.

    Am thinking of seeing if he has any friends who would join up at the same time to ease his transition. But a lot of parents seem weary of signing up a 5 year old to rugby.

    Anyone successfully navigated this? I personally don't care what sport he plays but need him to grasp the concept of shared effort towards a goal. Rugby would be better as its hard to be in two places at once with the elder playing most weekends. But still being too young for the club to be happy to have him there with out a parent watching him.



  • @mooshld said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Have not had any luck getting my middle boy interested in doing team sports. He is 18 months younger then number 1 and can be hard work. But hes a tough little bugger and I think he would really enjoy the contact. But at 5 he just can't grasp the concept of team work so any attempts so far have not gone well.

    For now his sport consists of bike rides in the forest. Which he loves.

    Am thinking of seeing if he has any friends who would join up at the same time to ease his transition. But a lot of parents seem weary of signing up a 5 year old to rugby.

    Anyone successfully navigated this? I personally don't care what sport he plays but need him to grasp the concept of shared effort towards a goal. Rugby would be better as its hard to be in two places at once with the elder playing most weekends. But still being too young for the club to be happy to have him there with out a parent watching him.

    I'm keen for both my boys to play team sports, but kids are kids. The older loves it; the younger is just not interested. Keep offering, but if you force them, they are unlikely to thank you for it, won't enjoy it, and won't be any good at it. It's tough, so good luck.

    I guess I'm saying after raising a couple of kids, that nature has a shedload more to do with sport than nurture. I think you can support it, but if the interest isn't there, it's bloody hard to get it there.



  • @mooshld said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Am thinking of seeing if he has any friends who would join up at the same time to ease his transition. But a lot of parents seem weary of signing up a 5 year old to rugby.

    This^^^

    I think its a good approach for any team sports. Try and find a mate to go along and join up with them. In team sports, it can be a bit daunting if you dont know anyone else, particularly at that age.



  • @JK said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @mooshld said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Am thinking of seeing if he has any friends who would join up at the same time to ease his transition. But a lot of parents seem weary of signing up a 5 year old to rugby.

    This^^^

    I think its a good approach for any team sports. Try and find a mate to go along and join up with them. In team sports, it can be a bit daunting if you dont know anyone else, particularly at that age.

    yep. My youngest is probably the more athletic of my two kids, but he is pretty shy early on. Loves to compete, and fucking loves to win (a little too much for a 7 year old), but just needs a little push to get him to join up and join in if it is new (2nd year in his soccer team so he is all good there. But last year for rugby was his first with a new club, so he needed some coaxing. he's all good after 1 training though).

    I'm glad i give him that little push though, because he is a bit of a gun, and i love watching him go about his work.

    The eldest has zero fucks to give about that, and just naturally assumes everyone is going to be his mate (which is both a blessing and a curse), so rocks in and does his thing.



  • @mariner4life said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    fucking loves to win (a little too much for a 7 year old)

    Apple. Tree.



  • @NTA said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @mariner4life said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    fucking loves to win (a little too much for a 7 year old)

    Apple. Tree.

    yea look, i am aware of that. I am trying to be better. It's 7 years since i stopped playing rugby, the competitive thing should have died out by now. I just want to be able to lose at cards gracefully...

    And i make all the right noises about participation and effort and stuff. And never focus on the result when it comes to my appraisal of their game. And try very hard to praise things that help the team. But you still need to tell them it's really fucking good to win. Thankfully they both know that, i know a lot of kids that don't get that part.



  • @mariner4life don't mishear me: kids have to be taught to fight for the win, and suck it up if they lose.



  • @mooshld have you thought about miniball? Its skills based for the first few years so he doesn't have to be part of a team so much. But the kids are slowly brought into team play

    My son is 11 and has done it since 6yo-10yo. It's really been good for him - he hated league/union because he was all arms and legs. Not very coordinated. But now he is very athletic and it's totally because of the miniball. He's taken an interest in footy too(and considering he's going to Keebra Park High next year it's a plus). Now that he's more confident.



  • Thanks for all the advice. I will see if he has a mate we can rope into it. If not then I won't push and just bring him along to see if he catches the bug. Otherwise will keep up the trail rides on the bike. As for miniball. We don't have that here sadly but it looks cool.



  • @mariner4life yea my boys team suffered s heavy defeat last year, didn't dwell too much on it but I asked them what they learned from losing.

    One kid gave the answer I was after; it sucks.

    So I said to them it is ok to lose, but you shouldn't like it, it should be what drives you.



  • Took my eldest to his first Top 14 game on the weekend. Awesome dad experience. He was so excited the whole game and the Racing people really put on a show with the pre match intros. Racing won by a point and it was a great atmosphere. Already planning the next game to go to.

    Went to check him last night before going to bed, and he had snuck into his rugby kit to sleep in.



  • @mooshld ooh now that is gold!!



  • JK Jnr rugby update....

    Ended up in J5 and at the top of the weight range. Decided to do this and be with his mates rather than going up a grade and being with kids he didnt know....well that was the idea anyway.

    Apparantly huge debate at the club when it came to team selections and his team last year has been totally split up with 3-4 of them going in to each of the different teams. They just took the view that it wasn't good for the club or the comp having a team that was so dominant (their closest game was a win by about 10 tries over a pretty solid massey team).

    At first all us Dads were a bit gutted as the boys are all good mates (from the same primary school) but can understand the rationale and so do the boys so it is what it is. Also gives an opportunity for some of the boys to shine a bit more in their respective teams plus make some new friends.

    First training was last week and went well. Seems a good bunch of lads and the two he has got from his team last year are pretty decent (with good dads too). They kids are all fizzing for their first game. Unfortunately we will miss it as off to the states for a few weeks but yeah can't wait for those rugby saturday mornings to get underway.



  • @JK that does make sense. Good for the kids to get a chance to make new friends too. If it's meant to be a lot of those kids will meet back up when they hit reps.... wait, you're in the North Harbour catchment aren't you? 😛

    On that note, did the Harbour union release their research into rep teams at younger ages being a barrier to participation etc?



  • @Paekakboyz said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @JK that does make sense. Good for the kids to get a chance to make new friends too. If it's meant to be a lot of those kids will meet back up when they hit reps.... wait, you're in the North Harbour catchment aren't you? 😛

    On that note, did the Harbour union release their research into rep teams at younger ages being a barrier to participation etc?

    Nah haven't heard anything. Our club was against it as far as I am aware.



  • @Paekakboyz apparently someone high up in NRU was keen on doing this as well (am guessing most boards had discussed what NH was doing prior as it was announced around the same time as NH, but was shot down quickly...so I think at some point NZR will make the decision for all unions)

    My boys team are at that all important U14 age this year, where it seems they are making it far too easy for kids not to play!

    We have boys in our team at 40kg, and I know one other team has 2 100kg kids, who are both athletes, not just big lumps!



  • @taniwharugby seems like people do agree that dropping participation levels are an issue, particularly through secondary age years. If they've got some solid info/data to back up that approach then all good. I would have thought NZR would get involved as part of the conversation, as having different unions drop in/out of any level of rep comps would have an impact on scheduling etc.



  • @JK said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Son is stepping up to hardball cricket this year. Its a year early for him so playing against older kids plus he's small so a little apprehensive but he dominated in his 8 a side T20 last year for year 3s and made the year 4 (a year up) rep squad.

    Any tips for the step up? Will be first time wearing pads, helmet etc.

    Had a bit of a net session with him on sat morning and to be honest I didnt like facing him that much with the add speed he gets bowling with the heavier ball. Couple of waist high full tosses came through and I was just happy to get out of the fkn way

    Time to start thinking about cricket again...

    Had the registrations email come through this week and looks like JKjnr can repeat under 10s so first year hardball or move up to under 11. Can see the benefit of both but leaning towards repeating under 10s to give him more time to improve his batting. Does mean he won’t be playing with most the team he played with last year and move away from a very encouraging coach which is a bit of a bugger



  • @JK has jnr given any indication of what he'd prefer?



  • @Paekakboyz said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @JK has jnr given any indication of what he'd prefer?

    Yeah he initially was keen to repeat U10 as bowling wont be as fast but he would also then need to deal with the shite bowling he encountered last year that sometime doesnt even land on the pitch!

    Anyway, since I've posted it looks like the 3 other lads in his team from last year are all keen to play under 11 (well thats what the parents say) so looks like we are going for that. Club said would apply for a dispensation from Auckland Cricket for them to play U11s BUT the kids would need to be available for Under 10 reps if selected



  • @JK said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Batting not as good as just doesnt hit the boundaries the other kids do

    Hadn't really looked at this thread but was just scrolling through -that is an even more pertinent comment from his last season given what has happened since. Need to fix that this year Dad, could cost us another World cup one day (kidding - would rather another Kane than Brendan).



  • That was a timely bump from JK. We have #2 on the way so I'll be looking to the fern collective for advice on how to manage two mini-humans!!



  • @Paekakboyz There might be better places to look bro. Just saying.
    Our advice on pretty much anything is usually questionable.

    And congrats. And good luck.



  • @Snowy hey, even getting advice to weigh down one end of the 'things to do' scale is useful!

    I think the 'usually' was surplus to requirements 🙂

    Cheers!!



  • @Paekakboyz said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    That was a timely bump from JK. We have #2 on the way so I'll be looking to the fern collective for advice on how to manage two mini-humans!!

    Congrats mate!



  • Dunno if this is the right thread but it seemed like a parenting thing to me.

    MR to 5 yr daughter “miss x, have you seen your older brother”
    5 yr daughter “He’s taking a dump”.

    Brought a tear to my eye.



  • @MajorRage you've done well mate!



  • @MajorRage said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    Dunno if this is the right thread but it seemed like a parenting thing to me.

    MR to 5 yr daughter “miss x, have you seen your older brother”
    5 yr daughter “He’s taking a dump”.

    Brought a tear to my eye.

    Got a bit dusty here reading that .

    Well done mate



  • @Paekakboyz bit late in the piece for the advice I'd give 😉

    Seriously though, congrats!



  • @taniwharugby ha ha the ol Northland pull out maneuver aye!!



  • @Paekakboyz said in Dad advice sharing thread.:

    @taniwharugby ha ha the ol Northland pull out maneuver aye!!

    never fails...


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