Parenting
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@mariner4life ha I get that too...I know you will say no, but...
Since lockdown, I have managed to reduce the angry-dad stuff, remain calm, but by-fuck my daughter does my head in with her attitude and mood, cant wait until the next step in her development happens (which aint gonna be far away...)
Isn’t it expected of us dads to be angry and grumpy?
Kids today ( cliche I know) are really really lucky they are bought up in this era. How many of us felt the wrath of our parents mum and dad when we acted up?Didn’t any of us any harm.. oh wait...
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@mariner4life ha I get that too...I know you will say no, but...
Since lockdown, I have managed to reduce the angry-dad stuff, remain calm, but by-fuck my daughter does my head in with her attitude and mood, cant wait until the next step in her development happens (which aint gonna be far away...)
Kids today ( cliche I know) are really really lucky they are bought up in this era. How many of us felt the wrath of our parents mum and dad when we acted up?
Didn’t any of us any harm.. oh wait...
I kind of disagree with this. I am happy I was brought up in the era I was brought up in. I learnt lessons that stuck with me and it shaped me as an adult.
I think the kids, from what I see, are unlucky to be brought up without discipline.
Seeing it creep into work too. We interviewed a guy recently that looked good on paper but all he wanted to know was about job flex and working from home.
I just had to tell him it simply wasn't an option in this type of role.
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@mariner4life ha I get that too...I know you will say no, but...
Since lockdown, I have managed to reduce the angry-dad stuff, remain calm, but by-fuck my daughter does my head in with her attitude and mood, cant wait until the next step in her development happens (which aint gonna be far away...)
Kids today ( cliche I know) are really really lucky they are bought up in this era. How many of us felt the wrath of our parents mum and dad when we acted up?
Didn’t any of us any harm.. oh wait...
I kind of disagree with this. I am happy I was brought up in the era I was brought up in. I learnt lessons that stuck with me and it shaped me as an adult.
I think the kids, from what I see, are unlucky to be brought up without discipline.
Seeing it creep into work too. We interviewed a guy recently that looked good on paper but all he wanted to know was about job flex and working from home.
I just had to tell him it simply wasn't an option in this type of role.
I think I was brought up in the same era as you and if I was going for a new job I'd definitely be asking for WFH options (at least one day a week) to go with my 4 day work week.
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@Hooroo I hear stories all the time (not just up here) of guys employing young fellas these days, and thier work ethic is pretty shit (generalisation I know)
They stop to look at thier phones every 5 sec, vape, need sick days all the time, dont turn up, late...it is certainly different environment to when I got my first jobs.
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@Hooroo I think just because people (most) aren't using physical discipline that discipline has gone out the window. But I figure that you weren't making a blanket statement there.
I reckon the non-physical discipline approach is more taxing. You're going through all those anger/annoyance triggers (especially when tired... so all the bloody time) that @mariner4life mentioned to then work out alternate strategies, what to say, how fast to escalate, and all that jazz. In saying that even at my most tired and wound I just don't consider any kind of smack - but I definitely yell and play the guilt card. Which then makes me feel guilty once I calm down.
Given we've got a nearly 4 year old there are limits on what you can communicate or get across. Can only imagine the challenges as she (and her lil bro) get older. We just keep reinforcing taking some deep breathes when you get angry/sad/upset, then a variety of ways to calm shit down. Hopefully it's laying a foundation for some type of self regulation but who knows!
Guess my takeaway is cutting yourself some slack and that our kids are going to do some dumb and borderline psycho shit at times. My background is in education and psychology, especially development and learning. But fucked if knowing about how young brains are wired helps a lot in the heat of the moment!
Umm so yeah, I don't really have much advice soz brah. But for what it's worth I think the vast majority of us ferners are GCs and good parents. While I'd be terrified of what you might do at my 21st (if you were my dad) I think your kids have a really good bloke as a dad.
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@taniwharugby well they are probably resigned to decades of student loans, never owning a house, a crippling future tax bill supporting old folks, and a general malaise about the state of the world!!
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i still give my kids the occassional smack, but it's fucking rare, they have to have been really fucking bad, and i always feel like a piece of shit afterwards. I think the last one my youngest got the shits for losing NBA and chucked the playstation remote at his brothers head hard enough that, because it missed, it dented the wall. I could have killed him.
Certainly absolutely nothing like the floggings i got as a kid. Holy shit. One open hand on the ass compared to repeated whacks with the wooden spoon, or metre ruler, or what ever the weapon of choice was at that particular time.
I am trying really hard to focus on that 80:20 thing. If i am a good parent 80% of the time, and a bad parent 20% of the time, i am going okay.
But when the behaviour of the last couple of weeks raises its head...
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When the kids Girl 9 and Boy 6 get past the listening/reasoning stage I calmly start taking their doors off and say 1 day 1 week or 1 month, if they haven't settled i move straight to the next time frame, now by the time I get to 1 week you can see the already know they need to change their additude and fast.
Also helps to grease pins before the situation to avoid losing it just because you can't get the door off
And of course stick to the time line, don't put it back on for good behavior but use any requests to reiterate that this is what happens with bad behavior
Not so much fun when kids are like this but in some sence it's good to know that it is still somewhat normal
It was also only this Tuesday that their doors went back on too
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Again, I'm not a parent so just pick up what I see from Family Guy/American Dad...….
My wife and I love that show - so neatly reflects the era (or at least our experiences).
I don't have kids, but I am the eldest so I got to witness my parents becoming more laissez faire. Speaking to friends about raising kids and starting strict turning to "who gives a fuck, nothing works, they don't listen" I'm convinced that kids go through rebellious stages. Ideally you want that earlier in life as the multiplier of teenager/ young adult years makes bad decisions have the propensity for being much worse.
What else can you do other than set expectations, enforce the boundaries and seek consistency in punishment? Then hope they don't turn into fuckups.
Take comfort that every parent I know who is honest makes the same complaints. No doubt ours did too and we're ok.
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Nobody's perfect, cut yourself some slack. It's not easy.
We have had similar issues to what you describe, although my kids are younger. Boredom seems to be the best weapon.
Take away internet/allowance/lifts to friends/sport/whatever and have them earn stuff back.
Reward good behaviour, starve bad. Read a book on parenting toddlers once saying that kids crave any attention, good or bad. So if you have to feed the good attention, and try not to react as much to the bad. Was for toddlers, but my minimal experience with teenagers they seem to be fucking the same.
My kids have discovered divide and conquor so have to triple check I'm not condradicting the wife.
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@Virgil haha my almost 15 yr old would hate that!
He has been spending alot of time in there talking to a girl on the phone this last couple of weeks, he doesnt think I know...kids thnk parents are dumb
I remember those days, except with the 5m phone cable attached to the wall!
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@mariner4life
What about a lock to effectively lock the cavity slider open? -
@mariner4life
What about a lock to effectively lock the cavity slider open?my kids aren't real private, so i doubt they would care
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
Take their bedroom door off it’s hinges,
I’m saving that punishment for when they get a bit older. Kids love their privacy.it's really hard to take cavity sliders out...
Not if you know what your doing. I’ve done it many times, yes is a prick in a finished house but not ia possible if your willing to cut away the architrave, risk damaging the paint and face the lonely hood of never getting it back inside again...
I manage a door hanging business btw, happy to pop over at your expense to help out...
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@mariner4life
What about a lock to effectively lock the cavity slider open?my kids aren't real private, so i doubt they would care
..they will when they get older... I mean what do teenage boys like to get up to on their own...
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@mariner4life
What about a lock to effectively lock the cavity slider open?my kids aren't real private, so i doubt they would care
..they will when they get older... I mean what do teenage boys like to get to go on their own...
gawd, i can't even think like that. he's in primary school!!
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
Take their bedroom door off it’s hinges,
I’m saving that punishment for when they get a bit older. Kids love their privacy.it's really hard to take cavity sliders out...
Not if you know what your doing. I’ve done it many times, yes is a prick in a finished house but not ia possible if your willing to cut away the architrave, risk damaging the paint and face the lonely hood of never getting it back inside again...
I manage a door hanging business btw, happy to pop over at your expense to help out...
I've got one that's dropped, and i am too scared to try and fix it.