Mental Illness.
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@Smudge said in NZ Politics:
And she's outta here.
And predictably:
"It is clear to me that my mental health is being badly affected by the stresses relating to my work. This has led me to act in ways that are completely out of character."
She added she wasn't "trying to excuse my actions, but I do want to explain them".
"People should, rightly, expect the highest standards of behaviour from their elected representatives. I fell short," she said.
"I'm sorry. It’s not a behaviour I can explain because it's not rational in any way, and after medical evaluation, I understand I'm not well. The mental health professional I see says my recent behaviour is consistent with recent events giving rise to extreme stress response, and relating to previously unrecognised trauma.
That goes to the very thing I've been bitching about in this thread.
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My old man remarried and inherited 4 (adult) children.
Although years before 'mental health' became the issue it is today one of his step-daughter's epitomises the 3 points in the twitter post put up by @Rancid-Schnitzel.
She was a self-entitled whinging bitch. Horribly manipulative, dumb as a rock but cunning with it. Had married well and enjoyed the ex-pat life style in Hong Kong & Singapore. Treated the maids like dofshit on your shoe.
Excused all her bad behaviour (and inability to work) as being due to her mental health issues when the reality was she was a lazy, white trash, skank (without even being hot) who had lucked into marrying a CFO of a global corp and was milking it for all that she could.
She treated her 'mental health' issues like a social event, surrounding herself with likeminded women and attended psychologists, healers and shamans on an almost daily basis. she even phoned into one in LA for three hours a week. She bought a white merc and sold it three days later because one of her 'health professionals' told her white was bad for her karmic soul.
There was nothing wrong with her that I could see apart from a narcissism fueled by idleness and boredom.
Had to laugh when rich hubbie dumped her for the maid.
This is not to say that mental health isn't a serious issue and one that blights way to many lives. Merely that the twitter points resonated. I have met a number of (all) women over the years who actually reveled in their 'sickness' and used it to justify all sorts of unacceptable behaviours.
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@MiketheSnow said in Mental Illness.:
Spot on
The comments certainly hold water for me.
Strangely enough, in one psychoanalyst's book that I have read he pretty much described personal responsibility as being something that gives us, as humans, meaning. Meaning also thought to be one of the key factors in achieving some sort of "happiness" (it's the wrong word really but I won't go into that). So, I agree with this comment:
"But I am seeing a trend of less personal responsibility for bad behavior and a lot more talk about therapy as the only solution."
the interesting part being that it could end up making the situation worse. Not the therapy itself but the thought process. It seems that acting poorly actually makes us feel bad, so it is the act in the first place that starts a spiral, feeling better by therapy leads to more bad behaviour, feeling bad, etc, etc. A bit like it being O.K to commit sins (I'll use that word for context) if all you have to do is confess to be absolved of them...
That philosophy has been around for a while and really doesn't seem to have worked.
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@dogmeat said in Mental Illness.:
She was a self-entitled whinging bitch. Horribly manipulative, dumb as a rock but cunning with it. Had married well and enjoyed the ex-pat life style in Hong Kong & Singapore. Treated the maids like dofshit on your shoe.
I think that I know her - (or she could be one of hundreds that I knew like that).
@dogmeat said in Mental Illness.:
Had to laugh when rich hubbie dumped her for the maid.
That didn't narrow it done much either!
Good illustration of the point though. It really does all come back to the way we live and the environment that you describe is really toxic. It breeds shitty behaviour and really can bring out the worst side of human nature. Then as you mention they form a coven and excuse each other of it.
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@Snowy said in Mental Illness.:
It breeds shitty behaviour and really can bring out the worst side of human nature. Then as you mention they form a coven and excuse each other of it.
You must have observed heaps in HK. In the short times I have spent in both cities there seemed to be two main types of expats. Those that enjoyed the trappings way too much and basically treated the world like it was still the days of 1020's Raj.
the partners were the worst. Too much time on their hands, too much money, too bored to give a fuck.
We crave structure in our lives (most of us anyway). Without it some people can became pretty vile pretty quickly. Sort of related I reckon it's why so many struggle in retirement. Just give me the chance to struggle say i.
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@dogmeat said in Mental Illness.:
Just give me the chance to struggle say i.
Indeed. You can still have structure. Bacon at 8am, golf at 9, lunch at 1, sailing / fishing at 2, dinner at 7, movie, bed. Random intervals and venues for shagging to add some variety. Insert activities of your choice. The only difference is that it's shit that you want to do.
Meaning, or purpose, tend to be where people struggle in retirement although structure comes into it as you say.
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Given my time of life, this is a discussion I am having regularly. I firmly believe that I will be busier than ever in retirement but doing the shit I want to. As far as I can see the only thing I will miss is the regular salary.
The only issue I can see is what to do with the cat while I travel for 6 mths/year.
Anyone want an adorable (honest - well Yeah nah) cat.
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@Snowy said in Mental Illness.:
Meaning, or purpose, tend to be where people struggle in retirement although structure comes into it as you say.
having had some extended time off, this is what concerns me. I'm really struggling to define my purpose now the major stuff is being checked off ... it's really annoying.
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@dogmeat said in Mental Illness.:
@nzzp Brew more beer?
yeah, that only gets so far and sucks up so much time.
Filling in the time isn't the issue - it's just feeling a bit pointless. I'm really lucky that work (when going well) ticks the autonomy/mastery/sense of purpose. I'm struggling to slow down basically, have always been quite driven and my midlife crisis is trying to find the new meaning.
It'll come - just have to take the time to slow down, de-grump and find it.
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@nzzp said in Mental Illness.:
having had some extended time off, this is what concerns me. I'm really struggling to define my purpose now the major stuff is being checked off ... it's really annoying.
Can relate. It's really easy to kick back in retirement and drift. You have plenty of time and no deadlines, right? I've found I really need to think about and plan my life as the things which regulated much of it - work, kids, mortgage - weren't there anymore.
If you're not careful you can start getting anxious that you're wasting opportunities and time which can be pretty corrosive mentally.
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@nzzp said in Mental Illness.:
@Snowy said in Mental Illness.:
Meaning, or purpose, tend to be where people struggle in retirement although structure comes into it as you say.
having had some extended time off, this is what concerns me. I'm really struggling to define my purpose now the major stuff is being checked off ... it's really annoying.
You need to keep the brain active, we are all used to having a sense of purpose and structure that work provides. Having some sort of part time job to give you purpose, but to not affect your freedom to travel and do other things you enjoy, is difficult to obtain but IMHO ideal
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@nzzp said in Mental Illness.:
@Snowy said in Mental Illness.:
Meaning, or purpose, tend to be where people struggle in retirement although structure comes into it as you say.
having had some extended time off, this is what concerns me. I'm really struggling to define my purpose now the major stuff is being checked off ... it's really annoying.
If it's "only" annoying you're doing well although I suspect that it is a little more than that. It can be a lot more than that for some. Increase in suicide rate is a bit of a clue and it doesn't really ease up either.
@dogmeat said in Mental Illness.:
As far as I can see the only thing I will miss is the regular salary.
Apart from that side of it, any sort of retirement should have some sort of plan. I failed dismally in that regard and in hindsight I should have put as much effort into planning my very early (semi) retirement as I did my career. I failed so badly that I am going back to large jets which I really didn't think that I would do, but kind of looking forward to it. It's hardly meaningful but it's something I suppose.
Maybe this should go in the "happiness" thread but it is what I was getting at earlier about the blurred lines between mental illness and mental health.
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@Snowy said in Mental Illness.:
If it's "only" annoying you're doing well although I suspect that it is a little more than that. It can be a lot more than that for some. Increase in suicide rate is a bit of a clue and it doesn't really ease up either.
Good comment. Annoying at the moment as I'm deliberately tackling it over the next year or so. If things don't shift, then it goes from annoying to concerning.
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As @Smudge said: good thread. There is a lot to unpack with this stuff, and some really interesting things so far.
Agree with the comments about physical = mental links, and those immediately above from @dogmeat and @Snowy about people needing a purpose. Some of them result in that purpose being drawing attention to themselves to the detriment of almost everyone else.
Money is a means to an end - doing what you want - and free time shouldn't be wasted. You hear all the time about guys who hit retirement and degrade pretty quickly. Particularly if they were a workaholic. I'm not and want to be able to retire and still be fit enough to enjoy it.
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All that said: Mental health is often real, unrecognised, and goes untreated too often.
I went through a period of anxiety related to my own physical degradation. It was a spiral, but not to the point of kill-myself like some poor bastards.
I'd seen a counsellor who helped me acquire some tools - mental switches, if you like - to help move past things when they arose. I knew the real issues: Work was pissing me off, and the marital scene was declining (particulary as the MIL's mental health spiralled down). These things fed off each other, and resulted in physical outcomes of that anxiety like ED and insomnia.
When medicos found out my Dad died of heart issues, they put me on a few things, and I will say: beta blockers can fuck. you. up. Ditched those after a period of emotional instability.
What stopped the rot was mainly time. Getting mellow in my old age? Maturing in my 40s?
I couldn't control certain outcomes, but I could "play the game" at work and let people do their thing, even if I thought my option was better. Putting the frustration of my personal life in a box when I walked in the door at work was tough to do; there are so many fuckwits at a large corporation who could set me off.
One HR person even suggested antidepressants. I gave it some thought but then realised I was not actually doing much to help myself.
COVID was a blessing in this regard. Working from home is perfect when you're trying to solve problems:
- Fuckwits can't just come up to your desk and interrupt you in the middle of something important
- I could swear and mutter and wear my RBF all day without issue, as long as I put on a smile during meetings
- You get to shape your day around your life, not the other way around.
I still have my moments, but I'm getting better at moving them aside when they arise. I don't even shout at rugby games on the TV any more.