Parenting
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he lost his ipad after the theft incident until the end of July. Doesn't seem to have had the desired reaction given this week.
They are now ipad-less, TV-less, and Playstation-less. Lets see how that plays out.
All need to be earned back (except the eldest's ipad, which is still gone until the end of July no matter what).
I reckon that TV thing is going to bite come the weekend
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
I honestly don't know what to do next. How the fuck do you discipline kids who don't seem to give a fuck about anything?
Make them dig holes until they're exhausted.
TBH mine aren't too bad. The boy is in a mood over something (think he got friendzoned) and his Mum is fretting over what it is in case it is serious. It isn't; he's just a moody fat fuck. Trying to get him to the gym is an effort, and I don't want to come right out and say "look mate, despite all the bullshit you'll hear about physical side not being important, it is a fact that the ladies prefer them a guy in shape. You're smart, can play a guitar and sing. If you put some muscle on and shed some lard, you'll slay like a fucking barbarian".
On the other side, my daughter and I get on like a house on fire. She's got all the talent the boy has, and is hard working to boot (he's a cruiser - natural ability FTW). Her flaw is wanting to live by the recognition of others, so if she doesn't get accolades she can be hard work.
Kids are fucked. Everyone thinks they can do better. Just a fact.
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i knew my kids had definitely got the message last night when i took them running with me and there wasn't one word of complaint. just instant "yes dad".
And they smashed it. They are just lazy fucks.
I don't want to say it too much, but i have a sneaky suspicion that if my youngest can learn to put himself out there, and learn deal with disappointment, he can be anything he wants in sport. I'm not deluded enough to say he'll be a pro sportsman for sure, but definitely he'll be more than handy.
He's got great hand-eye, he's quick, and effortlessly fit. And he absolutely 100% hates to lose. At the moment it's a character flaw, but if he can harness it....
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And guys i know we all go through much the same thing, and in all reality it's easy to think your kids are just the worst, when in all reality they are the same as anyone's, but it's so easy to slip in to a mindset that you are the only one dealing with this shit, and you are the only one who doesn't have their shit together.
We're all just making this up as we go along.
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@mariner4life one of the things I find especially tough is the wife and I are often at odds with how to handle this stuff. She wants to engage and solve problems, I basically say "fuck 'em - they'll learn the hard way".
It is especially galling with the boy who, being a male, doesn't appreciate having a ton of words / advice thrown at him.
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Late to this thread but as many of you know I have a 10 year old and 12 year old ( this friday ). In some ways you might say I have four kids cos I adore their little siblings too ( 1 and 3 ).
Oldest ( much more like me in looks and personality ) went off the rails a bit when the ex and I separated, I think it affected him a bit more being a bit older, he's also just much more of a fluffybunny than his little bro. He went through a horrible and embarrassing stage of stealing all sorts of shit( @mariner4life I feel the pain ) and what scared me so much was a ) how good he was at it and b ) how easily he bullshitted about it. Thankfully those days appear past and both boys genuinely have hearts of gold now. The ex and I made a point of not arguing in front of them and to this day we don't, in fact her and I and her hubby ( a good drinking buddy of mine ) are a real united front in terms of the parenting side of things, my other half ( no kids ) is also starting to play a part in all of this as well. Us four and the kids had an awesome and competitive game of Scattegories just the other night. A few drinks and laughs, fuck it was good fun.
It's actually pretty simple and straightforward, if not always easy but the fact is we all get on and have the kids interests at heart. For birthdays and Xmas's I make a point of spending pretty much the same on the little ones as I do on my biological kids, after all what sort of fluffybunny would I be if I didn't ? there isn't a word for what I am to them, I'm not an uncle, a stepdad.....I'm just "family". I'm their big brothers Dad. Simple as that.
I relate to a lot of what you guys say about the kids being lazy, shit I'm the same and sometimes I'd rather lie around on the couch and watch TV or game with them ( and their skills at this are beyond anything I can muster ) and while this is fun we've really taken loads of opportunities each weekend to go on bushwalks around Welly, of which there are heaps. My other half will pack us lunch and off we'll go, my youngest does have a tendancy to lag behind and whinge a bit but positive reinforcement sorts that, the oldest loves to go ahead and show what an "athlete" he thinks he is, no idea where he gets that.
They don't come with instruction manuals but I reckon being a good parent is as simple as time. I can afford to take them and do things that might cost a bit of money but I also remind them ( particularly my oldest who is very materialistic ) that one of the most fun days we had was while I was waiting for a rather large sum of money from my house settlement. I LITERALLY had 20 bucks to my name ( a badly timed redundancy during my marriage split didn't help matters ) and I needed that to fill up the car to drop them home and we spent the whole afternoon lobbing stones at sticks in the river. Free, easy ( but still memorable ) fun. I've confessed all these years later that I didn't even have enough to get them an ice cream just to keep it real and there was no way I was gonna ask anyone for a loan. When they were drooling over my new work car the other day and all it's bells and whistles I reminded them I'm still the same old Dad and even a car ( and I will admit it is fucken sensational ) doesn't make me any cooler.
Let's keep this thread going for when we're all experiencing the teenages years. fuck me days, I'll finally get as grey as the rest of you.
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@NTA yeah TR Jnr frustrates me with his lack of motivation...has the ability to be much better at pretty much anything, but no drive...only time he is remotely competitive is with his sister, which is over pretty much anything...at present, they would argue about how wet water is!
Miss 11 told me just now that the reason she does nothing is cos I dont pay her...I said but I aint gonna pay you unless you do something, explained that is how it works in the real world and my boss wants me to go to work and do stuff before I get paid, she reckons thats different, couldnt tell me how
LOve the little fluffybunnies to peices, but man they do my head in most of the time, when they are asleep they are pretty awesome though!
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@taniwharugby the fuckers never go to sleep fast enough though!
go to sleep! i wanna watch stuff on TV that's violent and also has tiddies!
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@mariner4life fark all TR Jnr watches is people playing video games, mountain biking and car stuff on Youtube
I intend introducing him to Fightclub this weekend (the movie, not actual )
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@mariner4life one of the things I find especially tough is the wife and I are often at odds with how to handle this stuff. She wants to engage and solve problems, I basically say "fuck 'em - they'll learn the hard way".
It is especially galling with the boy who, being a male, doesn't appreciate having a ton of words / advice thrown at him.
And here we go - she got home from work and goes in to sit next to him on the coach in the rumpus room while he's on the PS4. He gives her nothing. Just plays his game.
I walk into the office after a phone call, and there she is, typing an email to the year coordinator
I go back to him and explain what is happening, and about sorting out what he needs to in his head, because his Mum is writing an email to his year coordinator right now.
He's frustrated, says he's being quiet because he feels like lashing out at everyone. "That's fine and I don't want to give you an end date, but you need to think about how to sort through this and get back to something like normal.".
I'm betting he made a move on this girl he fancies and got the arse, maybe in front of others. That's going to be a hard blow to take first time around.
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
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Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
yikes...with TR Jnr, as I said above, TR Jnr has a 'girlfriend' although they havent met, she 'added' him on Snapchat and they been chatting loads...I hassle him about him having an 'ad' on Snapchat asking for a girlfriend haha
ANywho, he asked me not to tell his mum, which I have said I wont (she knows anyway, we aint that stoopid kid)...but he also wants to meet her this weekend, and I asked how he intends doing it without his mum finding out, or lying to her...
We have alwyas tried to talk to him and make sure he understands he can talk to us about anything, particularly since lockdown I think we've been able to 'open up' a bit more, which is good.
He is a good looking kid, lost a bit of his puppy fat, and getting a bit of size, but like @NTA says above, I told him, get a bit of shape, and the girls will be all over you...also try to make a big point about the fact that he is likely to have a few girlfriends before he finds the right one and when he is hurting, his family will always be here...told him I had to go to the UK to find his mum
BUt then, as I also mentioned, he is the easy one at the moment...
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
yikes...with TR Jnr, as I said above, TR Jnr has a 'girlfriend' although they havent met, she 'added' him on Snapchat and they been chatting loads...I hassle him about him having an 'ad' on Snapchat asking for a girlfriend haha
ANywho, he asked me not to tell his mum, which I have said I wont (she knows anyway, we aint that stoopid kid)...but he also wants to meet her this weekend, and I asked how he intends doing it without his mum finding out, or lying to her...
We have alwyas tried to talk to him and make sure he understands he can talk to us about anything, particularly since lockdown I think we've been able to 'open up' a bit more, which is good.
He is a good looking kid, lost a bit of his puppy fat, and getting a bit of size, but like @NTA says above, I told him, get a bit of shape, and the girls will be all over you...also try to make a big point about the fact that he is likely to have a few girlfriends before he finds the right one and when he is hurting, his family will always be here...told him I had to go to the UK to find his mum
BUt then, as I also mentioned, he is the easy one at the moment...
My boys both have playdates with girls. Fuck it makes me proud what little casanovas they are.
I grabbed them from school recently and a girl said hi to both of them by name. They just responded with a simple "hi". I said something like "oh she looks nice, whats her name?" and they both shrugged their shoulders. What a pair of Playas.
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@MN5 haha when we were in KMart last night and a nice looking teen girl walked by and I see she caught his eye, but also she checked him out and I gave him the old nudge nudge wink wink, and he's like 'shuddup dad' haha
I love moments like that!!
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
Yeah it's tough. My boys will soon be at college and statistically speaking a large percentage of however many hundred kids there will be fuckwits. We try and tell them just to stay away from people who don't bring value to your life but there will be massive slip ups as we all know.
Potential cyber bullying really worries me as a Dad.
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@taniwharugby the fuckers never go to sleep fast enough though!
go to sleep! i wanna watch stuff on TV that's violent and also has tiddies!
I feel that pain but more because I want to give the Mrs one and not have to worry if the punk son is still awake these days.
My daughter is an adult splits her time between home and her bf parents house. She’s never home in the weekend which I like. But soon to be teen son is a fucken night owl and his room is next to ours - with our next house I could give 2 shits about a pool or deck. It’s all about the distance the kids rooms are from mine. I’ve spent far too much money on wd40 this past year.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
I feel that pain but more because I want to give the Mrs one and not have to worry if the punk son is still awake these days.
OMG, THIS!!!
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@NTA I think your instincts are good here. Probably a girl has set him off. As we all know there is not a lot you can do as a parent, when it comes to love. You’ll prod and make it worse.
If you have an uncle of his or a rugby mate that is funny and your son likes them it can be a good idea to get them to talk to him about the opposite sex. In a friendly Informal way. My cousin’s son goes to the same high school as Jr. So my cousin will pick him up or drop him off home sometimes. He asks on the drive the questions I can’t. “I bet he girls love you eh skux?” or “man I hated it when I got bullied”. It works and he gets real answers from my boy. I do the same with his son. Works for us but may not for everyone.
I don’t need to tell you self harm is very much an issue to be taken seriously. But hes a very brave kid for letting you know and I hope you commended him on his honesty. Our girl did it for 5 minutes and it turned out to be a fad in school. So hopefully your boy has moved on too.