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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
I can't say the idea wouldn't appeal. I'd probably be happier
that is a startling, and sad, admission to come to
no judgement, there have been times when i have thought it too (see my post in the first couple of pages)
I'm waaaaay too lazy to contemplate it though. And this town is seriously not big enough to ever, ever pull it off
also, you know, i'm really happy at home
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
I can't say the idea wouldn't appeal. I'd probably be happier
that is a startling, and sad, admission to come to
no judgement, there have been times when i have thought it too (see my post in the first couple of pages)
I'm waaaaay too lazy to contemplate it though. And this town is seriously not big enough to ever, ever pull it off
also, you know, i'm really happy at home
You are right mate, it just feels like that part of life has passed by. Maybe it will come back, I won't hold my breath. I have too much to lose so would never do anything. I'm sure escorts see this thing all the time
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
It feels ridiculous not to want to indulge, and knowingly blocks the partner, only to be shocked when the partner finds it elsewhere
when it is said out loud like that, it is really.
there isn't a single piece of anything out there about how a successful marriage works that doesn't include intimacy. And yet...
Billy Connolly summed it up pretty well "women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved" and i reckon he's pretty much spot on.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
It feels ridiculous not to want to indulge, and knowingly blocks the partner, only to be shocked when the partner finds it elsewhere
All too common, easy to fix, and usually heartbreaking for all concerned, kids, family, the whole whanau.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
I'm sure escorts see this thing all the time
i'm sure it's a big part of the business
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@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
It feels ridiculous not to want to indulge, and knowingly blocks the partner, only to be shocked when the partner finds it elsewhere
All too common, easy to fix, and usually heartbreaking for all concerned, kids, family, the whole whanau.
My mate did, some family bonds will never be healed, and his kids are probably forever affected. But I expect he is happy now
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@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
It feels ridiculous not to want to indulge, and knowingly blocks the partner, only to be shocked when the partner finds it elsewhere
All too common, easy to fix, and usually heartbreaking for all concerned, kids, family, the whole whanau.
Much easier to talk about it on here with a bunch of virtual mates
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
"oh he needs to put in effort" which normally means "no not that effort, this other effort on top of all the other effort" while also ignoring the fact that constant refusal actually wears people down to the point where trying is too hard.
Yep - one of the things that psychologists keep coming back to: if you whip a dog often enough, soon he goes looking elsewhere.
An article I showed her long ago had half a dozen simple things to help bring it around - they certainly resonated with me. I think a lot of women forget after a certain point in the relationship that intimacy isn't just about sex.
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i get irrationally mad when even close friends of ours, the wife makes a joke about how little the husband gets. and how he needs to be "lucky" and shit.
the fuck lady? why is that funny?
and in case any random reads this and feels the need to get all "chauvinist pig" i am far from advocating marital obligations and the legs being open for business when ever and where ever.
i am saying if you can't find a way to be intimate with your partner regularly, then something is wrong. And your partner wanting it is not a bad thing that you should have a go at them for. At the very least be happy they still desire you!
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@mariner4life yeah that's annoying when it feels like a crime to want to shag your spouse! Its not just the act, its the wanting each other which is just as much a part of it, it just makes you feel more connected, no pun intended. Busy lives are partly to blame, not that there's any more guarantee if you live with a stay at home spouse
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
i get irrationally mad when even close friends of ours, the wife makes a joke about how little the husband gets. and how he needs to be "lucky" and shit.
the fuck lady? why is that funny?
It isn't. That is straight up power play bullshit.
A friend of the wife's is married and often has spats with her husband and father of her four children. She's a bit of a glamour but I reckon there is an ugly duckling story in her background. Anyhoo, Mrs TA said that Mrs Glamour once said they probably have more sex than the average couple. I was silent.
Later on, when I was having a laugh at the amount of shoes Mrs TA owns, she said "Well be glad you're not married to Mrs Glamour - she's got heaps more than me".
I bit my tongue about Mr Glamour getting heaps more than me as well.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life yeah that's annoying when it feels like a crime to want to shag your spouse! Its not just the act, its the wanting each other which is just as much a part of it, it just makes you feel more connected, no pun intended. Busy lives are partly to blame, not that there's any more guarantee if you live with a stay at home spouse
if anything, it probably means less.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life yeah that's annoying when it feels like a crime to want to shag your spouse! Its not just the act, its the wanting each other which is just as much a part of it, it just makes you feel more connected, no pun intended. Busy lives are partly to blame, not that there's any more guarantee if you live with a stay at home spouse
Which I often thought was the case: if we went back to a breadwinner/home maker split, things would improve. Not necessarily, as it turns out.
But the "busy lives" argument doesn't hold water for me: we're all busy if we choose to be. I'm not killing myself at work because I choose to avoid that. She has that option but choses to kill herself. She's not busy when she's spending hours a day on her iPad after dinner and in bed.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life yeah that's annoying when it feels like a crime to want to shag your spouse! Its not just the act, its the wanting each other which is just as much a part of it, it just makes you feel more connected, no pun intended. Busy lives are partly to blame, not that there's any more guarantee if you live with a stay at home spouse
Which I often thought was the case: if we went back to a breadwinner/home maker split, things would improve. Not necessarily, as it turns out.
But the "busy lives" argument doesn't hold water for me: we're all busy if we choose to be. I'm not killing myself at work because I choose to avoid that. She has that option but choses to kill herself. She's not busy when she's spending hours a day on her iPad after dinner and in bed.
Don't get me wrong mate, after a busy day if she was up for it and let me know, I'd be all over that
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan shit yeah. Even happened once this year after I got home from rugby.
Made me wonder if she'd been watching Magic Mike while I was out
I know a couple who are pretty playful, and she definitely gets triggered by stuff she watches on Netflix. And its not like he does anything special around the house or with the kids (in fact the opposite). He just picked a live one. Its just not fun when there isn't much action and when there is its just keen to be over
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
Its just not fun when there isn't much action and when there is its just keen to be over
this thread is constantly heart breaking
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In relation to the sex thing, my strategy is as follows. I never initiate, that way I am never frustrated or resentful for being turned down. My wife also gets the benefit of not having to turn me down which often makes her feel guilty and anxious. When she is "ready" she will let me know and it's a bonus, this often fluctuates depending on health, stress etc. But the key is that I don't care when it happens, I'm just ready for when it does. And when it does happen, I know she is in the "mood" which makes for far better sex anyway.
Another thing which works in our house is we have a whiteboard for short term and long-term tasks that need doing. She can write things on the board she needs help with, and I can visually see what is on her mind or what I can assist with. I am fucken terrible at remembering things and that used to piss her off when I would forget. With the board I can't forget as it is right in front of me until I do it and cross it off.
Happiness Scale
