Movie review thread...

Kruse

Willy's Wonderland

Nicholas Cage did some drugs, watched Meet The Feebles, woke up with an idea for a movie
Nicholas Cage, around the same time, pondered the question "Could I do an entire movie without speaking a word, and yet still over-act?"
Tit-watch: pretty much zero. There's the compulsory "teenagers having sex in a dangerous location, about to get murdered" scene... with a large-breasted teenage American girl riding cowboy-style, but with a bra on. Because that's how it's done.
This movie is trying to be weird, and kinda succeeds, but in the lamest of ways. "What's with the energy-drinks and pinball? Why isn't Nic Cage talking? Ahh... actually, I don't care."
The "It's Your Birthday" song is not a patch on Sebastian's classic "Sodomy"

2 animatronic Weasels, out of 5 just-watch-Meet-The-Feebles-again...s.
If you don't know what Meet The Feebles is, then fuck you, go find out, watch it, or I'll cut you.

Kruse

Infinite
Marky Mark woke up and thought... "The OId Guard - that was quite well received", and "The Matrix - that was ages ago, we could just steal scenes from that shamelessly"... actually "Kill Bill", that did quite well, let's just take some shit people will remember from that.

Tit-watch zero. Wahlberg gets his top off, for the ladies who like 50 year old man-breast
Story-line - as above. Somebody saw The Old Guard. Thought we could make a B-grade copy of that. But we can't be too obvious, so....
Drop in some ridiculous plot holes,
And every B-grade action movie cliche...
But throw cash and Marky Mark at it... it's gotta work, right?
We've got hero female sidekick lining up against baddie female sidekick on the sub-climax,
While main hero goes up against main baddie in the match-up which really matters,
and just gets more and more ridiculous. EVERY cliche ticked off here. Baddie gets away. Nope, Hero actually made it onto the plane. Baddie kills the Hero. Nope - super-hero powers now. Hand-to-hand fight on a plane which is rotating and gyrating randomly. Bomb... out into the air. Hero jumps after it. Tries to defuse. Baddie follows. Skydiving fight. Just... fucking get to the blue power-beam of faith colliding with the red power-beam of darkness already?
Fuck, that reminds me... the goodies really are all about "faith", and the bad guy is all about he's lost his "faith", but even when he sees a sign that he's been asking for, that maybe that whole "God exists, but he's just a bit of a fluffybunny" thing is correct... he sticks with the plan which was all along based on his loss of faith

Stupid movie. Great movie.
These days - it's all the same shit.

3 "the baddies knew where the goodies' base was the entire time, never suspected that's where they might have taken the critical character, and never attacked previously despite obviously having been able to at any time, 'winning the war'"
out of
5 "come on baddie, you've sucked it up an apparent 'infinite' amount of times (clearly wrong) - just suck it up once or twice more, and fucking get more scientists, with more science behind them, to just fucking invent the same thing, or better. For fuck's sake, you're just a kid who doesn't want to go to bed"s

Still - unbelievable/ridiculous premise, to just get highly-skilled muthafuckas battling against swarms of nearly-highly-skilled fluffybunnies, with guns, and cars, and hand-to-hand, and what-not. Shit... it's a recipe which is never going to fail with this dumb fluffybunny. I will download and watch every single one of these stupid admissions to the human culture archive.

voodoo

@kruse said in Re: Movie review thread...:

Willy's Wonderland

Nicholas Cage did some drugs, watched Meet The Feebles, woke up with an idea for a movie

Nicholas Cage, around the same time, pondered the question "Could I do an entire movie without speaking a word, and yet still over-act?"

Tit-watch: pretty much zero. There's the compulsory "teenagers having sex in a dangerous location, about to get murdered" scene... with a large-breasted teenage American girl riding cowboy-style, but with a bra on. Because that's how it's done.

This movie is trying to be weird, and kinda succeeds, but in the lamest of ways. "What's with the energy-drinks and pinball? Why isn't Nic Cage talking? Ahh... actually, I don't care."

The "It's Your Birthday" song is not a patch on Sebastian's classic "Sodomy"

2 animatronic Weasels, out of 5 just-watch-Meet-The-Feebles-again...s.
If you don't know what Meet The Feebles is, then fuck you, go find out, watch it, or I'll cut you.

Upvote solely for the Feebles reference

Kruse

Fast and Furious 9. :Probably some other shit, or is it called F9 - some other shit?
I don't know.

I can't be bothered spending too much time on this.

I'm starting to consider this movie franchise as the First Column of the attack by Idiocracy
This particular Column - is focusing on Physics
There's too many personal assaults on Physics to call out one-by-one, but some of my stand-outs include:
- Look, I'm not even going to go into the car/bridge/swing-over-the-canyon scene... cause that's not even in the top-10 worst. But, yeah, wow. Pirates of the Caribbean will be considering that stunt for a pirate ship in the next movie.
- Soon after the un-mentioned scene... they take time to talk about the physics to justify what they're about to do (mine-field)
- And then... completely ignore ALL the just-made-up physics they explained
- Magnets. Yeah - sure... like the ICP said - "How the fuck do they work?"
- But, for fuck's sake man... you can't just change how the fuck they work, from minute-to-minute in a single action-scene.

Over-all:

Tit-watch: zero
This is the inane enjoyable pathway to Idiocracy.
When we watch Fst+Frs20 - we'll be believing that a Hummer in reverse hooked up to a super-battery will be able to go back in time
2.5 Charlize Therons trying to look un-hot out of 5 John Cenas, only there because they'd already fucked up the chance of casting Roman Reigns

Kirwan

Just watched the Val Kilmer documentary, what a great film. Really personal, well edited, and doesn’t shy away from some of his stranger aspects.

Bovidae

@kirwan said in Re: Movie review thread...:

Just watched the Val Kilmer documentary, what a great film. Really personal, well edited, and doesn’t shy away from some of his stranger aspects.

On my list to watch when I subscribe to Amazon again. I read an article praising the documentary so that piqued my interest.

MiketheSnow

Running With The Devil
Nicolas Cage and Laurence Fishburne
Good yarn
3.5 cakes out of 5 bricks

Kiwiwomble

watched "sweet girl" on netflix, Jason mamoa action film thing, some good twists and turns for a "free" (already paid for) film

nzzp

Rewatched Unforgiven and Tombstone recently. Nearly 30 years old.

Tombstone: what a goddamn cast. Sanitised, but outstanding. Maybe Val's best role?
You gonna do somethin’ or just stand there and bleed?

Unforgiven. Fark yeah, Clint is the man. Even as a retiree age, he is just the man.
It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away everything he's got, and everything he's ever gonna have

Both solid 4.5 quick draws out of 5 repeater rifles

taniwharugby

rewatched Bravo Two Zero

If it wasnt based on a true (ish) story, you could be forgiven for thinking the movie makers did zero research before making it, just a clusterfuck before they even went out!

3 goat herders out of 5 more KM to Syria

Nepia

@taniwharugby said in Re: Movie review thread...:

rewatched Bravo Two Zero

If it wasnt based on a true (ish) story, you could be forgiven for thinking the movie makers did zero research before making it, just a clusterfuck before they even went out!

3 goat herders out of 5 more KM to Syria

Is it a movie? For some reason I thought it was a tv mini series. All I really remember of it though is when they're out in the open and falling back in pairs shooting and the atrocious supposed NZ accent of one of them.

taniwharugby

@nepia yes, although was a doco made on it, trying to debunk it, plus at least 3 books on it (Bravo Two Zero, The One That Got Away and Soldier 5)

Nepia

@taniwharugby said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@nepia yes, although was a doco made on it, trying to debunk it, plus at least 3 books on it (Bravo Two Zero, The One That Got Away and Soldier 5)

I think I've read the first two books, but that was years ago, I haven't read Soldier 5.

taniwharugby

@nepia soldier 5 was written by the kiwi guy (under the name Mike Coburn) and the British MOD fought to stop it being released, been so long since I read them, but I think Coburn wrote his book as he didnt think it was right the way McNab portrayed one of the guys who was killed (was the 2IC I thnk)

Kirwan

@bovidae said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@kirwan said in Re: Movie review thread...:

Just watched the Val Kilmer documentary, what a great film. Really personal, well edited, and doesn’t shy away from some of his stranger aspects.

On my list to watch when I subscribe to Amazon again. I read an article praising the documentary so that piqued my interest.

One of the best documentaries I've seen. Doesn't shy away from his turkeys, and the aspects of success he doesn't enjoy.

The autograph signing was a tough watch

Victor Meldrew

@catogrande said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@nostrildamus said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@nepia I'm pretty sure in one of those Taken sequels Neeson looked as dangerous as Frank Spencer. An old, frail Frank Spencer.

Taken 3. The arthritis years.

Taken 6. This one where they kidnap his budgerigar

MN5

@nzzp said in Re: Movie review thread...:

Rewatched Unforgiven and Tombstone recently. Nearly 30 years old.

Tombstone: what a goddamn cast. Sanitised, but outstanding. Maybe Val's best role?
You gonna do somethin’ or just stand there and bleed?

Unforgiven. Fark yeah, Clint is the man. Even as a retiree age, he is just the man.
It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away everything he's got, and everything he's ever gonna have

Both solid 4.5 quick draws out of 5 repeater rifles

You just shot an unarmed man.

Well he shoulda armed himself if he’s gonna decorate his saloon with my friend.

It’s barely even in Clint’s all time top five westerns, but it’s still awesome. Says everything.

nzzp

@mn5 ... So the top five westerns got Clint are:

Victor Meldrew

@nzzp said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@mn5 ... So the top five westerns got Clint are:

OK. I'll bite:

Unforgiven - IMHO his best film and the best Western ever made
Pale Rider- Mystical and the best shoot-out ever as a finale
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - the original
The Outlaw Josie Wales - Clint being Clint
High Plains Drifter - Truly weird

Catogrande

@victor-meldrew said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@nzzp said in Re: Movie review thread...:

@mn5 ... So the top five westerns got Clint are:

OK. I'll bite:

Unforgiven - IMHO his best film and the best Western ever made

Pale Rider- Mystical and the best shoot-out ever as a finale

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - the original

The Outlaw Josie Wales - Clint being Clint

High Plains Drifter - Truly weird

Hard to argue.

The Silver Fern

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