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@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Thanks for sharing, you have an amazing outlook considering what you have been through, credit to you and I hope your son grows out of what he is going through. I was similar in that I went off the rails, smoked a lot of drugs and moved out of home at 16. It took an unpleasant experience on some drugs with me hallucinating about my mother watching over me which got me to move home and start again. Met my wife at 17 and never looked back.
Absolutely. I think @Rancid-Schnitzel has more reason than any of us to gripe about life but the outlook is amazingly positive and inspirational all things considered.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Heading South to the cooler climes?
Looks like we'll miss out in having that beer then huh?
BTW, out of interest how many stops you planning?
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Good thread.
I have a great life. My wife is beautiful, kindhearted and good fun. My wife and I both have great jobs with a decent amount of flexibility, intellectual challenge and very good remuneration. We have a great apartment and I have a nice car. We never want for anything and eat out at nice places regularly. COVID-permitting, we can travel anywhere we want and stay pretty much wherever we want when we get there. We live near the beach in a part of the world where the sun shines all year round. We pay fuck all in taxes. I play golf every weekend with a great group of mates.
If you'd asked me 5 years ago what my perfect life would like, that's pretty much it.
But, to be honest, I'm feeling dissatisfied, restless, irritable and a little helpless. Wife and I are and have been for the past 2 year trying to start a family with very little success. The clock is ticking for her and so we have gone the IVF route, which has taken a real physical toll on her and even more of an emotional toll on us both. We've basically got one more roll of the dice before we give up and live our lives as a childless couple, the hardest part of which is watching my wife come to terms with losing a large part of her "purpose" in life. It's difficult for us both right now to see our many blessings, because the truth is we'd give up almost all of them just to have our own little family.
Still working out what this all actually means in terms of my overall happiness, but a few thoughts include (a) that happiness is a completely relative concept, (b) I may have been wrong about at truly makes me happy, and (c) your own happiness can be massively influenced by the happiness (or otherwise) of others.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Lucky bastard!!!
Take solace in the fact it will take 3 days to drive down there.
Going to give the new Ranger a full airing out
Ah. Booboo'ed myself.
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@junior Thanks for sharing, sorry to hear what you are going through. You raise a good point that a lot of the time we have no idea what makes us happy, I think marketing has done an excellent job convincing us that wealth, cars, houses and stuff will make us happy.
Through my own personal experience, relationships, human connection, purpose, and creativity leads to contentment.
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@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
@junior Thanks for sharing, sorry to hear what you are going through. You raise a good point that a lot of the time we have no idea what makes us happy, I think marketing has done an excellent job convincing us that wealth, cars, houses and stuff will make us happy.
Through my own personal experience, relationships, human connection, purpose, and creativity leads to contentment.
No problem - good to get it off my chest.
Then again, I read something like what @Rancid-Schnitzel has been through and I really think I need to pull head out of my arse.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel Thank you, I think, for sharing. That is a tough read and made me think about the things that really impact upon my personal happiness and it is mainly my children. Both have grown into good people. Eldest did go off the rails for a couple of years, bad company (boyfriend in this case. Known by me as the ginger fluffybunny), this lead to drugs, depression and flunking school. She’s through all that thank God but I still worry about her, probably over so. You’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.
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@Catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Thank you, I think, for sharing. That is a tough read and made me think about the things that really impact upon my personal happiness and it is mainly my children. Both have grown into good people. Eldest did go off the rails for a couple of years, bad company (boyfriend in this case. Known by me as the ginger fluffybunny), this lead to drugs, depression and flunking school. She’s through all that thank God but I still worry about her, probably over so. You’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.
I worry so much about my boys.
I had my work do in Auckland Friday night, didn’t eat enough and drank too much which obviously lead to a 2am Burger King run from the hotel. The amount of feral munters in central Auckland causing shit, scrapping and being arrested was so eye opening. I don’t want my boys to get caught up in that shit when they’re late teens early 20s. Even pretty pissed I still had enough spacial awareness to keep out of any trouble. I hope they do as well.
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@junior said in Happiness Scale:
@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
@junior Thanks for sharing, sorry to hear what you are going through. You raise a good point that a lot of the time we have no idea what makes us happy, I think marketing has done an excellent job convincing us that wealth, cars, houses and stuff will make us happy.
Through my own personal experience, relationships, human connection, purpose, and creativity leads to contentment.
No problem - good to get it off my chest.
Then again, I read something like what @Rancid-Schnitzel has been through and I really think I need to pull head out of my arse.
Nah Mate, you shouldn’t think like that. It’s not like you’re complaining you couldn’t get the right colour of Ferrari or that you’re down to your last billion! Somebody is always worse off but that never means you shouldn’t be allowed to have issues or problems or to complain about them.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel fuck Rancid. Just read your post.
Not sure if there is anything your weird internet rugby friends can help with, but if there us please ask.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
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@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
I ... a 2am Burger King run from the hotel. The amount of feral munters in central Auckland causing shit, scrapping and being arrested was so eye opening.
hell yes. Crazy isn't it - the place genuinely goes feral. Makes me feel old when we're intermittently out in it
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Interesting thread.
In short it's been a tough, well odd, old year but all things considered I'm pretty happy with where I and my family are at.
The thread actually reminded me of my 'brag list' and writing one is something I encourage people to do. It's not often until you get a few things down on paper that you realise actually how much you have t o be proud of and how good things actually are. I looked back on mine yesterday and probably hadn't for about a year. I only edited a couple of the items but still said to myself 'Fark yeah!' so life is pretty good.
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Really interesting thread. Thanks everyone for sharing. I guess I should do the same.
I've always been a positive sort of person, but I find that being challenged as I get older. I think because shit keeps getting heaped on when I was planning for things to get easier.
My wife developed MS in her early 30's which got pretty bad to the extent she had to give up work and was in a wheelchair by 38. I spent the next 10 years as the sole earner and a pretty much full time carer too. Would get meals ready for her before I went to work Get up in middle of night to hoist her out of bed etc but eventually it got to the stage where she had to go into full time care as I couldn't cope any more on a diet of four hours sleep a night and she was only getting worse. Hadn't had a holiday for ten years and was working 70 hour weeks.
Massive guilt that she is in a home though. visit about 3 x week.
Then I met someone. More guilt. Both towards wife and new partner because she would like to move in together etc and I'm not prepared to go that far.
Job has become deeply unsatisfying but is well rewarded and at my age - basically hanging out for retirement. Life is work, go for a walk in evening drink too much sleep with weekends with new partner.
She has had a really tough last few years. Was made redundant and took six months to find a new job during which time I helped out financially obviously. Got a new job which she doesnt like and which pays much less so continued to support her. She had first grandson who was born with brain damage so got to spend lots of time at Akl Hospital. Fortunately he's now two and seems to be OK. His mother has had three miscarriages this year. Both of my partners other kids have had issues a bit beyond the normal kids I think. which places immense stress on her.
Her parents are now in their 90's with ongoing health issues but fiercely independent but really can't cope living independently but won't go into a retirement home. So our weekends are a non stop merry go round of visiting kids and parents to sort out their various issues.
Two weeks ago partners mother was hospitalised with a stroke from a brain bleed. Her husband is beside himself . It's sweet to see him just wanting to sit and hold her hand for hours on end but not so sweet to find cupboards full of (literally) shitty clothing etc. Mother was recovering well but on Friday had another massive stroke (on her 90th birthday) and is now in a pretty vegetative state. Husbands hoping she'll get better again and they can go home everyone else is hoping for a quick end. Meanwhile partners brother has cancer of esophagus and has had a series of ops and is now on chemo (again).
Partner is rushing into a job she hates (& where they are only paying the wage subsidy) then to hospital etc and is beyond strung out. I'm supporting her to the best of my ability financially and emotionally but it is tough. Effectively what with a couple of grand a month for my wife's care and several thou for partner I am eroding my retirement savings. Which is fine. It has to be done and it's only money, but as I said at outset this was supposed to be the cruisy years. No travel last two years which is how I keep sane and the prospect of having to work a couple of years longer before I do get to retire with the realization that I'm probably only going to be around 200-25 years if I am lucky and probably the last ten of those I will be health compromised so it irks me to lose a couple of the good years.
Honestly Level 4 when I could let go some of the guilt because I wasn't allowed to visit etc was like a holiday. Like others I have worked through and its bloody busy. Fewer staff means I'm covering even more roles. It's working my businesses are doing well which means people have jobs.
It all raeds a little self indulgent but am I happy. Not if I'm honest - except when reading the Grumpy Old Man thread
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@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
realization that I'm probably only going to be around 200-25 years
In classical math we'd put the lower number first
Fuck mate that is a laundry list of shit. Hope some of it resolves in the near future.
Keep seeing your doctor, eh?
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@dogmeat that made me cry a bit.
It wasn't because of all the bad things that happened but because you felt guilt for trying to make yourself happy. I don't know why reading that part upset me but it did.
I'm truly of the belief that we get one go on this planet in this form, so we must do our best to make ourselves happy but not at the expense of others happiness. Nothing I have read on here suggests you are making people unhappy so your should be guilt free in your own happiness!
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
Thanks mate. I remember a poster here a few years back. El Toro I think his name was. Saffa and Bulls supporter. Had been in a shocking car crash (someone else plowed into him) and he was left in a lot of pain and a very long period of recovery. He was clearly in a lot of distress but was also philosophical about it. He compared his situation to a rat in a bucket of water - an almost impossible situation but no option but to keep on swimming and trying to get out. The alternative is giving up and drowning. Have never forgotten that.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
Thanks mate. I remember a poster here a few years back. El Toro I think his name was. Saffa and Bulls supporter. Had been in a shocking car crash (someone else plowed into him) and he was left in a lot of pain and a very long period of recovery. He was clearly in a lot of distress but was also philosophical about it. He compared his situation to a rat in a bucket of water - an almost impossible situation but no option but to keep on swimming and trying to get out. The alternative is giving up and drowning. Have never forgotten that.
Yeah but many do ‘drown’. It’s so easy to see why male suicide rates are the way they are. I definitely believe you have to ‘harden up’ in some aspects of life or else you’ll just get walked over.....but by the same token don’t be ashamed to reach out when you need help.
So hard for men to do that sometimes.
Happiness Scale