Modern Day Parenting
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<p>That article was very good and as a parent you can see how that shit can happen. I'm tough but fair with my boys (7 and 10) which seems to freak out some of the more "laissez faire" parents who come to visit. Unfortunately my wife (to a lesser extent) and my mother in law (to a farking huge extent) indulge the shit out of them. We don't live in Norway anymore so I understand if the MIL wants to compensate for that, but even when we lived there the boys got a new present every time they visited. They could visit the toy shop and choose whatever they wanted. I could only dream about that! My parents are pretty lean on presents, but they give their time and attention which is much much more important.</p>
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<p>I don't see a problem in giving my kids the things I never had, but it's vital that they respect the hard work needed to pay for them. They can't take these things for granted. When they stop being grateful for these things and believe they're entitled to them, then you're pretty much farked.</p> -
It's not so much an issue caused by being generous with kids, it's because some parents never taught their kids basic manners and appreciation of what they receive. Don't say yes to everything, ensure they have to humble themselves and thank people that give them things, and above all make them understand that unless they are paying, they don't get to choose. <br>
I see parents with kids in supermarkets setting themselves up for exactly the problems in the article by asking their spoiled little brats to choose what brand of whatever they want. Then there are tantrums if there is a disagreement. <br>
If I'm paying, I choose. If I want to treat you I may ask you to select something but make sure they understand that was my choice. <br>
A lot of these problems coms from parents that have both worked in careers for a long time establishing wealth before having kids at a later age. One of them then gives up work and turns their parenting into their job. They have the affluence and drive to be helicopter parents, obsessing and paying way too much attention to their kids without giving them either the room or responsibility to grow into a rounded person. <br>
It's also a symptom of this bullshit no losers at sports stuff. Sports are great for teaching life lessons. Being humble. Realising not everything goes your way. Realising there are assholes out there that you don't need to emulate because they will get their comeuppance eventually. -
<p>when my <strike>brats</strike> kids have been given money for Christmas, Birthday or earnt it, we quickly learnt that they must hand over the money to buy or they think we bought it and they still have money, so none of this I'll pay now and we will take $$$ out of your money box!</p>
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<p>TR Jnr had his iPod stolen form school last year (form a locked cupboard along with a handful of the schools devices) that he had paid for with his own money, he was devastated about it, and said he didn't want to buy another in case he lost that one somehow...harsh life lesson.</p> -
The helicopter parent is a fairly recent thing, but fighting siblings is a cliché for a reason...<br><br>
Competition is a strange thing, and can teach some really good lessons, and also some really awful lessons. Society as a whole does better when everyone cooperates rather than competes, but teaching that is hard work... -
<p>This thread could be very good, for once in a positive way. Parenting is really fucking hard, and sometimes it can feel (even though you know the opposite is true) that you are the only one going through this shit. It's very easy to convince you that other peoples kids are angels, and yours are the terrors. It's never the case, but that is a trap.</p>
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<p>I have two boys, 7 and 4. The eldest is really smart, and has a surprising competitive streak, that can be his downfall. But he's outgoing, in to a lot of things, active, and not too much trouble at all. His downfall is he'll do anything to get a laugh, which is going to make his schooling difficult. He's also completely self-centred, and has no concept of anyone else, and this shows in many different, equally annoying ways. His thing at the moment is his ipad, given his way, he'd be on it 24/7 (watching fucking videos of people playing minecraft, what a fucking weirdo) and gives attitude when he gets told to put it down. Little shit. Needs a clip around his ears.</p>
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<p>The youngest is very different, a victim. Hates to be in trouble (which he is, a lot, because he's always a stubborn little shit who just wants to do what ever he feels like), yells back (which gets him no where) pulls the "you don't love me" card. Im actually a little worried about him, and he has a year to sort it out before he hits school. I've tried all levels of response, from attempted reason, calmness, straight-up ignoring, to the most obvious response of explosive anger. </p>
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<p>It's amazing to me how two boys, bought up the same way, can be so different.</p>
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<p>Mrs Mariner is overly worried about the youngest, as her younger brother is a complete fuck-up, who was a real "victim" at home, moved out, turned to drugs, never made anything of his life, and is now a 36-year old deadbeat, who hasn't had a job in a decade (at least), been to prison a couple of times, is never clean, and can't be a decent father to his beautiful daughter. So Mrs Mariner is terrified our youngest is heading down that path. I'm too much of an optimist to think like that, but how the fuck do you know?</p>
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<p>Parenting is hard as fuck. Balancing your life is hard has fuck. This thread could be really helpful to a bunch of guys in similar situations. </p> -
I've seen bullying mentioned a couple if times on this thread, my boy was bullied and it was heartbreaking to see what if did to him. Worse still the school denied there was a problem and instead said my son had "issues" . We got through it without their help but it must tear some parents up sending their kid every day to a place that makes them miserable.
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550718" data-time="1451963333">
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<p>This thread could be very good, for once in a positive way. Parenting is really fucking hard, and sometimes it can feel (even though you know the opposite is true) that you are the only one going through this shit. It's very easy to convince you that other peoples kids are angels, and yours are the terrors. It's never the case, but that is a trap.</p>
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<p>Yeah for sure...a whole bunch of stuff NTA said about his boy is exactly like mine, and add in some of what you have added about yours, it does make you feel more 'normal even if your kids aint ;)</p>
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Hooroo" data-cid="550719" data-time="1451963760">
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<p>We don't have Kids and this thread helps with that.... :)</p>
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<p>Haha, yep talk to many parents and you'd wonder why they bothered, or it gives you reason not to be a parent ;)</p>
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<p>It aint all bad.... :whistle: :mocking:</p>
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<p>It's interesting how kids can come from exactly the same home environment and have been basically treated the same, but can be totally different. My boys are a classic example of that. They have to be approached and handled in very different ways. My eldest is a smart, big strong boy, but is a farking dreamer which makes him a clumsy moron at times. Its almost like he's in a permanent daydream. I have to be hard with him and continually remind him to get his shit together. My 7 year old is a nutcase, but a ridiculous smart and talented nutcase. Perhaps he has an artistic temperament or something, because he's a brilliant drawer. Despite his talents he's often doubting himself and I realise that he needs to have smoke blown up his arse now and then. In other words, one that doesn't worry enough and one that worries too much.</p>
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<p>This shit ain't easy.</p> -
<p>As for bullying, we were at a park one day and there was a bunch of kids, and the biggest was pushing my eldest around, made him cry. I told him he had two choices, stand up for himself, or walk away. He ran up and drop kicked the kid in the back and legged it!!</p>
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<p>I was kind of proud of him, i never expected that choice. But that wasn't the outcome i was looking for. And i was really at a loss of what to do next. </p>
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<p>Thankfully the other kids mother came up at that point, and both kids got sorted out (i think we made them shake hands).</p>
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<p>My best mate up here is quite the fighter, and unfortunately/fortunately he has been teaching the youngest to fight. Watching him put his hands up to protect his head, pick his spot, and then throw a punch is equal parts funny and terrifying. I have already warned my mate that he can take the phonecalls from school if this goes bad. The eldest is just lucky he's big, because he's soft as fuck. </p> -
<p>People who don't have kids must wonder wtf people want them in the first place. Get parents of young kids together and you'll pretty much get nothing but bitching and complaining. That video above is basically a rant about how kids fark up your life.</p>
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550725" data-time="1451964932"><p>
As for bullying, we were at a park one day and there was a bunch of kids, and the biggest was pushing my eldest around, made him cry. I told him he had two choices, stand up for himself, or walk away. He ran up and drop kicked the kid in the back and legged it!!<br><br>
I was kind of proud of him, i never expected that choice. But that wasn't the outcome i was looking for. And i was really at a loss of what to do next. <br><br>
Thankfully the other kids mother came up at that point, and both kids got sorted out (i think we made them shake hands).<br><br><br><br>
My best mate up here is quite the fighter, and unfortunately/fortunately he has been teaching the youngest to fight. Watching him put his hands up to protect his head, pick his spot, and then throw a punch is equal parts funny and terrifying. I have already warned my mate that he can take the phonecalls from school if this goes bad. The eldest is just lucky he's big, because he's soft as fuck.<br></p></blockquote>
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My boys big, that's why they picked on him. To look staunch in front of their mates, the two worst little shits were named Zaran and Gage. Do I need to expand any more on that or do the names paint enough of a picture? -
<p>Chicks are different, they'll sit around and tell stories about the lovely things their kids do, and the things they do together. Blokes like to vent about how much their kids piss them off, little cock-blocking pub-stoppers. </p>
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<p>RS it's so true how different siblings can be. Mine are polar opposites in so many ways. One is outgoing, everyones mate, and a performer;the other is an introvert who hates the attention of a crowd, needs to warm to people before interaction, and is often happiest playing by himself. One is logical and analytical; one is creative and imaginative. One needs to be stimulated; the other is happiest finding his own fun. It makes it very hard to keep them both happy at the same time.</p> -
<p>jegga the thought of ongoing bullying is a real worry (thank fuck i have boys, girls are fucking evil to each other). I know i copped it as a kid (i was small), and the thought of it happening to them just sucks. How did you get through it?</p>
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<p>2 daughters, oldest was bullied all through high school, but did really well at brushing it off (mostly), was into everything & is now at uni doing a bachelor of science majoring in chemistry (don't tell Winger, but she's right into climate change & we have some really good discussions about it around the dinner table when she's home). On uni - be prepared, it costs a small fortune for parents if you live out of town.</p>
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<p>She put the bullying down to having to learn life lessons & all in all she is a bloody good kid & still does what she's asked/told.</p>
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<p>The youngest, well you read above what she's like now, but until 15 she was super talkative & wouldn't shy away from anything or anyone, very empathetic, everybodies friend, loved school & very artistic (most of those qualities came from the wife I reckon).</p>
<p>She turned 15 & became a different kid. Pretty much became the bully & when we confronted her about that, got into self harming (I don't get that shit, I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to causing pain to myself on purpose).</p>
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<p>Fighting between them was the norm though, argued over everything, including who got more pieces of hokey pokey in a bowl of ice cream.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="550727" data-time="1451965363">
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<p>My boys big, that's why they picked on him. To look staunch in front of their mates, the two worst little shits were named Zaran and Gage. Do I need to expand any more on that or do the names paint enough of a picture?</p>
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<p>Sounds very similar to what my eldest experienced. Him and his mate are the biggest in the class and could rule the roost if they were so inclined. But they're not and spend their time playing Harry Potter or whatever the fark they get up to. Anyway, some little rat of a kid started to tease the mate calling him fat shit etc. The mate told ratboy to leave him alone and tried to ignore him. Ratboy was having none of it and continued insulting him. Mate gave him one final warning. Ratcreature kept at it. Mate (who is half Samoan btw) picked rodent up and dumped him WWE style on the dirt. Ratboy cries to teacher and of course mate gets the worse punishment because, according to VP, its a "blame game".</p>
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<p>Anyway, realising he can get away with this shit, ratboy starts up again. Son steps in and tells him to leave mate alone. Ratboy spies new victim and this charming little shit starts calling him a fag and a poofter. Once again son says stop, gives him fair warning, then snap. He grabs the little prick and mate gets a bit carried away and kicks him in the leg. Ratboy cries to teacher once more. The VP (who has recently graduated from the school of fairies, warm fuzzy kittens and anti-real world) once again refers to "blame game" and tells son and mate that they could have gone to prison. I tell her exactly what I think about that, but she assures me that ratboy won't tease son anymore. He better not, I say. 2 days later, ratboy is at it again and this time repeatedly calls son a fluffybunny. Son basically has a meltdown at that point because he's not allowed to hit the prick and despite being assured by the VP the kid will leave him alone, he's worse that ever. I lose my shit at VP. Principal (who is an old-school hard bitch) steps in and realises the kid is poison and bans him from leaving the classroom at lunchtime. He also has to carry a type of passport that plots his movements.</p>
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<p>Was a lovely experience all-round.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550729" data-time="1451965439"><p>Chicks are different, they'll sit around and tell stories about the lovely things their kids do, and the things they do together. Blokes like to vent about how much their kids piss them off, little cock-blocking pub-stoppers. <br>
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RS it's so true how different siblings can be. Mine are polar opposites in so many ways. One is outgoing, everyones mate, and a performer;the other is an introvert who hates the attention of a crowd, needs to warm to people before interaction, and is often happiest playing by himself. One is logical and analytical; one is creative and imaginative. One needs to be stimulated; the other is happiest finding his own fun. It makes it very hard to keep them both happy at the same time.</p></blockquote>
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I'm with you on the kids being polar opposites at times. Fucks me off when one is keen as anything to do something ( park, windmill, Te papa, aquarium....whatever ) and the other is adamant he doesn't want to go. My youngest is really affectionate always giving me kisses and hugs whereas his brother isn't at all so when he does give me a hug ( like he did when I showed him the Star Wars tickets ) it kinda meant more which is a bit unfair. -
<p>bullying stories are fucking heartbreaking, and anger-inducing at the same time. </p>
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550750" data-time="1451968121"><p>bullying stories are fucking heartbreaking, and anger-inducing at the same time.<br></p></blockquote>
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I was bullied at school and whilst I sorted it out years later on account of being considerably angrier, bigger and knowing how to throw a punch it's not something I ever want my boys going through. I always encourage them to talk to me about everything which what my parents only did every now and again, never consistently. I found out one little bitch in my oldest sons class was getting her older brother to intimidate my boy and ( from what I could gather ) practice wrestling moves on him. I was fucken furious and found out who this kids Dad was and while my first inclination was to go and smack the fluffybunny thankfully the ex talked me out of it and the school intervened and there's been no issue since. -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="MN5" data-cid="550753" data-time="1451968601">
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<p>I was bullied at school and whilst I sorted it out years later on account of being considerably angrier, bigger and knowing how to throw a punch it's not something I ever want my boys going through. I always encourage them to talk to me about everything which what my parents only did every now and again, never consistently. I found out one little bitch in my oldest sons class was getting her older brother to intimidate my boy and ( from what I could gather ) practice wrestling moves on him. I was fucken furious and found out who this kids Dad was and while my first inclination was to go and smack the fluffybunny thankfully the ex talked me out of it and the school intervened and there's been no issue since.</p>
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<p>Getting involved with the other parents if the school don't take care of it must be pretty damn dicey. I know I'd freak out if either of my sons were bullies, but some parents probably think its cool.</p>
