Modern Day Parenting

taniwharugby

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550718" data-time="1451963333">
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This thread could be very good, for once in a positive way. Parenting is really fucking hard, and sometimes it can feel (even though you know the opposite is true) that you are the only one going through this shit. It's very easy to convince you that other peoples kids are angels, and yours are the terrors. It's never the case, but that is a trap.
 
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Yeah for sure...a whole bunch of stuff NTA said about his boy is exactly like mine, and add in some of what you have added about yours, it does make you feel more 'normal even if your kids aint ;)
 
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Hooroo" data-cid="550719" data-time="1451963760">
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We don't have Kids and this thread helps with that.... :)
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Haha, yep talk to many parents and you'd wonder why they bothered, or it gives you reason not to be a parent ;)
 
It aint all bad.... :whistle: :mocking:
 
 
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Rancid Schnitzel

It's interesting how kids can come from exactly the same home environment and have been basically treated the same, but can be totally different. My boys are a classic example of that. They have to be approached and handled in very different ways. My eldest is a smart, big strong boy, but is a farking dreamer which makes him a clumsy moron at times. Its almost like he's in a permanent daydream. I have to be hard with him and continually remind him to get his shit together. My 7 year old is a nutcase, but a ridiculous smart and talented nutcase. Perhaps he has an artistic temperament or something, because he's a brilliant drawer. Despite his talents he's often doubting himself and I realise that he needs to have smoke blown up his arse now and then. In other words, one that doesn't worry enough and one that worries too much.
 
This shit ain't easy.

mariner4life

As for bullying, we were at a park one day and there was a bunch of kids, and the biggest was pushing my eldest around, made him cry. I told him he had two choices, stand up for himself, or walk away. He ran up and drop kicked the kid in the back and legged it!!
 
I was kind of proud of him, i never expected that choice. But that wasn't the outcome i was looking for. And i was really at a loss of what to do next. 
 
Thankfully the other kids mother came up at that point, and both kids got sorted out (i think we made them shake hands).
 
 
 
My best mate up here is quite the fighter, and unfortunately/fortunately he has been teaching the youngest to fight. Watching him put his hands up to protect his head, pick his spot, and then throw a punch is equal parts funny and terrifying. I have already warned my mate that he can take the phonecalls from school if this goes bad. The eldest is just lucky he's big, because he's soft as fuck.

Rancid Schnitzel

People who don't have kids must wonder wtf people want them in the first place. Get parents of young kids together and you'll pretty much get nothing but bitching and complaining. That video above is basically a rant about how kids fark up your life.

jegga

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550725" data-time="1451964932">
As for bullying, we were at a park one day and there was a bunch of kids, and the biggest was pushing my eldest around, made him cry. I told him he had two choices, stand up for himself, or walk away. He ran up and drop kicked the kid in the back and legged it!! 
I was kind of proud of him, i never expected that choice. But that wasn't the outcome i was looking for. And i was really at a loss of what to do next. 
Thankfully the other kids mother came up at that point, and both kids got sorted out (i think we made them shake hands). 
My best mate up here is quite the fighter, and unfortunately/fortunately he has been teaching the youngest to fight. Watching him put his hands up to protect his head, pick his spot, and then throw a punch is equal parts funny and terrifying. I have already warned my mate that he can take the phonecalls from school if this goes bad. The eldest is just lucky he's big, because he's soft as fuck. </blockquote>
 
My boys big, that's why they picked on him. To look staunch in front of their mates, the two worst little shits were named Zaran and Gage. Do I need to expand any more on that or do the names paint enough of a picture?

mariner4life

Chicks are different, they'll sit around and tell stories about the lovely things their kids do, and the things they do together. Blokes like to vent about how much their kids piss them off, little cock-blocking pub-stoppers. 
 
 
RS it's so true how different siblings can be. Mine are polar opposites in so many ways. One is outgoing, everyones mate, and a performer;the other is an introvert who hates the attention of a crowd, needs to warm to people before interaction, and is often happiest playing by himself. One is logical and analytical; one is creative and imaginative. One needs to be stimulated; the other is happiest finding his own fun. It makes it very hard to keep them both happy at the same time.

mariner4life

jegga the thought of ongoing bullying is a real worry (thank fuck i have boys, girls are fucking evil to each other). I know i copped it as a kid (i was small), and the thought of it happening to them just sucks. How did you get through it?

Chazs Raiders

2 daughters, oldest was bullied all through high school, but did really well at brushing it off (mostly), was into everything & is now at uni doing a bachelor of science majoring in chemistry (don't tell Winger, but she's right into climate change & we have some really good discussions about it around the dinner table when she's home). On uni - be prepared, it costs a small fortune for parents if you live out of town.
 
She put the bullying down to having to learn life lessons & all in all she is a bloody good kid & still does what she's asked/told.
 
The youngest, well you read above what she's like now, but until 15 she was super talkative & wouldn't shy away from anything or anyone, very empathetic, everybodies friend, loved school & very artistic (most of those qualities came from the wife I reckon).
She turned 15 & became a different kid. Pretty much became the bully & when we confronted her about that, got into self harming (I don't get that shit, I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to causing pain to myself on purpose).
 
Fighting between them was the norm though, argued over everything, including who got more pieces of hokey pokey in a bowl of ice cream.

Rancid Schnitzel

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="550727" data-time="1451965363">
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My boys big, that's why they picked on him. To look staunch in front of their mates, the two worst little shits were named Zaran and Gage. Do I need to expand any more on that or do the names paint enough of a picture?
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Sounds very similar to what my eldest experienced. Him and his mate are the biggest in the class and could rule the roost if they were so inclined. But they're not and spend their time playing Harry Potter or whatever the fark they get up to. Anyway, some little rat of a kid started to tease the mate calling him fat shit etc. The mate told ratboy to leave him alone and tried to ignore him. Ratboy was having none of it and continued insulting him. Mate gave him one final warning. Ratcreature kept at it. Mate (who is half Samoan btw) picked rodent up and dumped him WWE style on the dirt. Ratboy cries to teacher and of course mate gets the worse punishment because, according to VP, its a "blame game".
 
Anyway, realising he can get away with this shit, ratboy starts up again. Son steps in and tells him to leave mate alone. Ratboy spies new victim and this charming little shit starts calling him a fag and a poofter. Once again son says stop, gives him fair warning, then snap. He grabs the little prick and mate gets a bit carried away and kicks him in the leg. Ratboy cries to teacher once more. The VP (who has recently graduated from the school of fairies, warm fuzzy kittens and anti-real world) once again refers to "blame game" and tells son and mate that they could have gone to prison. I tell her exactly what I think about that, but she assures me that ratboy won't tease son anymore. He better not, I say. 2 days later, ratboy is at it again and this time repeatedly calls son a fluffybunny. Son basically has a meltdown at that point because he's not allowed to hit the prick and despite being assured by the VP the kid will leave him alone, he's worse that ever. I lose my shit at VP. Principal (who is an old-school hard bitch) steps in and realises the kid is poison and bans him from leaving the classroom at lunchtime. He also has to carry a type of passport that plots his movements.
 
Was a lovely experience all-round.

MN5

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550729" data-time="1451965439">Chicks are different, they'll sit around and tell stories about the lovely things their kids do, and the things they do together. Blokes like to vent about how much their kids piss them off, little cock-blocking pub-stoppers. 
 
 
RS it's so true how different siblings can be. Mine are polar opposites in so many ways. One is outgoing, everyones mate, and a performer;the other is an introvert who hates the attention of a crowd, needs to warm to people before interaction, and is often happiest playing by himself. One is logical and analytical; one is creative and imaginative. One needs to be stimulated; the other is happiest finding his own fun. It makes it very hard to keep them both happy at the same time.</blockquote>
 
I'm with you on the kids being polar opposites at times. Fucks me off when one is keen as anything to do something ( park, windmill, Te papa, aquarium....whatever ) and the other is adamant he doesn't want to go. My youngest is really affectionate always giving me kisses and hugs whereas his brother isn't at all so when he does give me a hug ( like he did when I showed him the Star Wars tickets ) it kinda meant more which is a bit unfair.

mariner4life

bullying stories are fucking heartbreaking, and anger-inducing at the same time.

MN5

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550750" data-time="1451968121">bullying stories are fucking heartbreaking, and anger-inducing at the same time. </blockquote>
 
I was bullied at school and whilst I sorted it out years later on account of being considerably angrier, bigger and knowing how to throw a punch it's not something I ever want my boys going through. I always encourage them to talk to me about everything which what my parents only did every now and again, never consistently. I found out one little bitch in my oldest sons class was getting her older brother to intimidate my boy and ( from what I could gather ) practice wrestling moves on him. I was fucken furious and found out who this kids Dad was and while my first inclination was to go and smack the fluffybunny thankfully the ex talked me out of it and the school intervened and there's been no issue since.

Rancid Schnitzel

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="MN5" data-cid="550753" data-time="1451968601">
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I was bullied at school and whilst I sorted it out years later on account of being considerably angrier, bigger and knowing how to throw a punch it's not something I ever want my boys going through. I always encourage them to talk to me about everything which what my parents only did every now and again, never consistently. I found out one little bitch in my oldest sons class was getting her older brother to intimidate my boy and ( from what I could gather ) practice wrestling moves on him. I was fucken furious and found out who this kids Dad was and while my first inclination was to go and smack the fluffybunny thankfully the ex talked me out of it and the school intervened and there's been no issue since.
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Getting involved with the other parents if the school don't take care of it must be pretty damn dicey. I know I'd freak out if either of my sons were bullies, but some parents probably think its cool.

MN5

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Rancid Schnitzel" data-cid="550755" data-time="1451969155">Getting involved with the other parents if the school don't take care of it must be pretty damn dicey. I know I'd freak out if either of my sons were bullies, but some parents probably think its cool.</blockquote>
 
Yeah I agree but I was willing to get in there and sort it out if the school didn't.

jegga

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550730" data-time="1451965673">jegga the thought of ongoing bullying is a real worry (thank fuck i have boys, girls are fucking evil to each other). I know i copped it as a kid (i was small), and the thought of it happening to them just sucks. How did you get through it?</blockquote>
 
The school decided my son was the problem , probably because that was the easy route. First they said he had Asperger's , went a specialist who said " wtf are they talking about?" ( I'm paraphrasing here) , then they decided he had behavioural problems and made him do this course about how to deal with his anger. Then they decided I might be to blame , interviewed me and the woman running the course what I did with my son in a typical weekend. I pulled out my phone and showed her photos of us swimmng with a pod of dolphins and my boy catching his first kingfish ( that was an awesome weekend, obviously not a typical one), I got a sour look from her in response . Anyway I thought thinks had settled down on the bullying front but in fact they had got worse and he was so low I was really worried about him. His mum , him and I had a sit down with him and got him to tell us what was going on. It was pretty hard to hear what these little shits were getting away with . We told him he had to take up a sport , to get him meeting other people and more active and a big talk about self respect . Lastly him and I went to mymother in law who used to run anti bullying program's in schools ( I know I should have done this earlier) and she backed up what I was saying about self respect and how you carry yourself and feel about yourself can make you a target . 
He chose boxing , on the first session the coach told all the kids if he found out they were bullying of hitting other kids they'd get kicked out. He lost weight and got fit which helped his self esteem as well, he doesn't get bullied anymore thank fuck and he's a lot happier (mostly when he's winding me up but that's another story I guess). He's still boxing, this will be his third year . 
The little shits that were bullying him who were apparently not the problem? One if them stomped on a kids wrist and almost broke it and thd other one barely turns up to school and they are both stoners at 13 years old . I realise schools have limited options when dealing with bullies bug making out to my boy that there was something wrong with him stank , the more sympathetic side of me says those little shits are going to be train wrecks as adults and intervening earlier might have avoided that.

jegga

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Rancid Schnitzel" data-cid="550755" data-time="1451969155">
Getting involved with the other parents if the school don't take care of it must be pretty damn dicey. I know I'd freak out if either of my sons were bullies, but some parents probably think its cool.</blockquote>
 
It turned out I know one of the parents who was bullying my son, he redefines loser. I didn't bother talking to him about it, he's a waste of space .

No Quarter

The bullying thing is a real worry. In the past it was easier to leave that shit at school. I was bullied like many others, but my home life was really good, and my oldest brother who was at Uni would say "don't worry about it, once you leave college you leave those losers behind and life gets better". 
I watched a farking heartbreaking documentary on it a while back, where a teenage girl was getting it at school, and then even worse on social media. M4l is right, girls can be fucking evil. This girls mother did everything she could to support her daughter, but the school didn't really do shit about it and she ended up taking her own life. The group of girls bullying her had very little remorse, and the mother recounted driving past them on the way to the funeral seeing them all laughing with each other. The kind of story that really gets your blood boiling. 
I'm not sure exactly what I'll do if it happens to my boy. There is no easy answer. Often the bully comes from a really shitty home life so approaching their parents isn't always easy. Probably the best thimg to do is ensure he can talk to me about it and we work through it together, so he isn't alone.

MajorRage

Interesting thread.
 
Have an almost 4 year old boy and an almost 2 year old girl. We try to do good cop, bad cop but where I'm bad for the boy and good for the girl. But I'm coming to the conclusion that it doesn't work. 4 year old boy is just too attached to Mummy, so anytime I deny him something or tell him off, he just cries to Mummy. I am really worried about bullying for him too, as he's extremely shy, very slow to warm and lets himself get pushed around.
 
Main reason I worry, is that I think it's similar to me. I let myself get pushed around when younger, and I'm infuriated at myself for it. Yeah, I wasn't very big, and was 4 eyed, and pretty shit at sports, and my parents were teachers at primary schools, so I was a very easy target. I just wish that I'd stuck up for myself once or twice and actually tried to kick some arse. I may have got my head kicked in a couple of times, but it would have been worth it, as bullies only go for the easiest targets. (side note, my bullies are all complete losers at life, who all peaked at high school - I won).
 
As for the daughter ... well, she's almost 2 and I'm her Daddy. She can't do a single thing wrong in my eyes. 
 
I'm sure that will change.

taniwharugby

TR Jnr was bullied by a kid who TBH should not have been at a mainstream school, quite bad ADD, pretty much needed constant attention by a teacher, which this school could not provide, but his mother kicked up such a fuss threatening to take legal action and blah blah blah if they didnt let him in...anywhoo, he was 2 years older than TR Jnr (6 at the time) and he sometimes put his arm round his neck in a strangling move, threatened to kill him...school was pretty good about it all, although that didnt stop it immediately.
 
Fortunately TR Jnr is pretty thick skinned about most stuff, so aside from the physical side, it didnt phase him.
 
Whangarei being what it was, turned out it was my sister-in-laws step-nephew...rather than approach the mother who we know is very precious about her boy at the best of times, 'we' thought if her kid saw TR Jnr in a social situation (with his Aunt, Grandad etc) realising he 'knew' him, it would resolve the issue, which it did fortunately, although my more agressive apprach woulda worked too I am sure 
 
I've taught my son how to throw a punch, often have him beating on the punch bag (told him when his sister winds him up, to beat it up instead...) but try to tell him that hitting someone is a last resort, although if they hit you first...
 
I was a midget at school, but was lucky I played rugby and league and was ok at both, so the big Maori boys looked out for me, and a couple of kids down the road that used to pick on me, stopped pretty promptly when they heard I was mates with this kid who I reckon in Standard 3 was as big as I am today!

Mokey

I have three nieces (7, 5, 3). The eldest is very smart and high achieving but can be a little madam in the wrong company. Middle is gentle, talented artistic type who gets pushed around by her sisters and has lots of boy friends, youngest is an adorable honey one minute, psychotic screeching biting hellraising diva the next. My BIL already has a gun, but I think he will flee long before the girls and my sister get in synch, because God help the world if that happens.
 
When I babysit, I am very strict. They bloody well use manners, talk in inside voices and tidy up toys. I was the same as a kindy teacher overseas, tough with boundaries, quick with hugs. And had kids who lined up every day for their turn. Whiny voices, fighting, tantrums etc result in nothing. Sometimes it is really, really hard, but if you drum it into them when they are younger, they wont grow up to be revolting spoilt horrors. Kiddies are never too young to be taught pwease and ta. Or 'you are the best aunty in the whole world'.

The Silver Fern

Modern Day Parenting