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Just spent 8 days in St Lucia watching my son play cricket for 4 of them (supposed to be 5 but rain killed one day).
Nice to be in the heat again for a while, a real joy having the opportunity to do this. They won all their matches, my son didn't play anywhere near his best (which tbh isn't that high) but he got stuck in and kept on trying. Managed to bowl the only maiden of the entire tour which I think is something he could be proud of. His last spell was crazy. Got tonked for 6 on his first ball, then bowled 4 dot balls followed by a wide. Next over the maiden. Last over he didn't get hit for runs again, but his last 2 balls were wides as he was knackered.
Anyway got to know a few other parents a lot better (some good, some absolute English posh dickheads), drunk a few pitons, did 6 hours on the treadmill in total & had a cracking day out on a catamaran. Also ready 2 Ant Middleton motivation books as I'm struggling to get my shit together at the moment from a macro point of view, so that was good.
Holiday for the soul, this one.
See GOM for further thoughts.
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Happiness Scale - fk me dead it has been difficult in some parts lately, and ridiculously easy in others.
I've finally reached a zen status at work, mainly because my boss took a couple of weeks off to get his big girl panties on. I think we got tired of trying to solve everyone's problems, and have both swallowed a bucket of chill pills in terms of managing expectations for undeserving fuckwits.
Even after being thrown under the bus a couple of times, I just smiled and pointed out the failings of the offender in front of the right audience and the issue went away. Sometimes you have to rise above it all to get a view from 10,000 feet and understand the battlefield. I've made jokes about quitting, tho the boss and I both know that we're a package deal; if he's not there to deal with the strategic shitheads, I walk. If I'm not there to provide the data, he walks.
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Anyway what's bugging the shit out of me at the moment is - quelle surprise - the wife.
My daughter has a bit of an issue with tinnitus in her right ear at the moment. My theory is too much fucking airpod time for a start. She's also one of those kids with misophonia, presenting as an issue with hearing people chew. Yeah sure it's fucking rude if you can hear them, but life is going to get in the way of anyone's ability to deal with that if you don't build mechanisms for it. (Medically there is a nascent connection between tinnitus and misophonia, which I find scientifically interesting).
It's been going on for a few days now so Mrs TA is in full hunter mode, trying to nail down any medical professional with a clue, because she wants it sorted and gone. She's getting frantic now because Miss TA has exams coming up (Year 11 & 12) and needs certain things in place to deal with her anxiety, one of which is headphones to block out noise.
Again: life doesn't give a fuck about all this so you'll have to learn to deal with it at some point. I digress.
At the same time, Mrs TA is having a few medical issues of her own, including a bit of hormonal treatment to balance her humours. Thus, when she's starting to tear up about Miss TA's situation, I gently pointed out - not in so many words - her own medical change is probably sending her a bit batshit crazy.
It is also Mother's Day this weekend, which no doubt weighs heavily on her because of her's Mum's death 18 months ago. Her birthday follows next week, and as a grim reminder of the marching of time, it doesn't help.
In the interval since my last dump of this type of information, I have once again gently suggested Mrs TA look at therapy, which was rebuffed because... well I can only assume she thinks it doesn't help despite her recommending the kids jump in over their anxieties. She also has a BA in Psych so my theory is She Knows Everything.
Like the work situation above, I'm learning to rise above this particular branch of shit. I've reconciled myself to our relationship functioning at the basics and our mortgage being comfortably small over the next 18 months until my daughter turns 18.
The truth will set you free.
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I can’t upvote any of that mate, ‘cos although you sound as though you’ve reached some form of equilibrium it is probable that all that has happened is that you’ve resigned yourself to a situation. @Frank is right it does seem that you are doing all the compromising and that is not healthy in a relationship. On the face of it if you have a giver and a taker, emotionally speaking, in a relationship, it might seem the perfect fit but in reality the giver gets fed up at some point.
It’s similar to why the relationship between a sadist and a masochist only works for a while. Eventually the sadist refuses to beat the masochist because that actually becomes more sadistic.
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@Frank said in Happiness Scale:
Sounds like you are the one doing all the compromising and understanding. Not good.
It is what it is. You can't have a rational discussion unless both parties are coming to the table with a clear and open mind.
More importantly (and I am serious) - are you getting any?
Enough that it doesn't bother me any more. Again: resetting expectations and not letting it define me.
Starting an exercise kick again which will at least stroke my ego (if not stroking anything else
) once I start achieving some goals. First one is to get back under 100kg. -
@Catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
although you sound as though you’ve reached some form of equilibrium it is probable that all that has happened is that you’ve resigned yourself to a situation.
The difference is not immediately discernible. Perhaps it is unhealthy, and at the moment I don't see how to change that.
I can keep suggesting things, or making a song and dance about what I see as the issue. It doesn't lead to any form of resolution or change.
If I put myself into a stressful state about it - like when I was dealing with my own anxiety about the relationship a few years ago - it definitely doesn't help me.
If she won't seek out help for herself, I doubt very much whether I'll get any traction suggesting marriage counselling.
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After months of endless rain here, it's been good weather for the last 2 weeks. Because of the sodden ground, the bloke who brings his tractor in to mow my field hasn't been able to for months and I've had to line-trim the field this week to a reasonable height so he can.
3 acres and fatigued back, legs and ankles and couple of pounds weight-loss later, it's 95% done. A quick couple of hours today and it'll be a soak in a bath, out on the Honda for a couple of hours then back to a 5L keg of hazy IPA....
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@Victor-Meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
After months of endless rain here, it's been good weather for the last 2 weeks. Because of the sodden ground, the bloke who brings his tractor in to mow my field hasn't been able to for months and I've had to line-trim the field this week to a reasonable height so he can.
3 acres and fatigued back, legs and ankles and couple of pounds weight-loss later, it's 95% done. A quick couple of hours today and it'll be a soak in a bath, out on the Honda for a couple of hours then back to a 5L keg of hazy IPA....
Upvote for this
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@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
Trying for a happiness boost with a kayak fish tomorrow morning, with (hopefully) low winds and a glorious sunny morning on the cards
Wish me luck Ferners. Could be cold. I am looking forward to it.Lovely morning out.
Bloody cold, 4 degrees to kick off about 630, and had a shocker getting the yak on the trolley and down to the water. Glorious though, being out on the water as the sun rises is just magic. Got an undersized snapper on my new lure, but was out at the top of the tide and it was bloody hard going - no interest from fish at all.
Then my feet got cold (literally cold feet), so rather than hang about for the bite to start up I figured I should commit to family requirements. Stunning start to the day, and I definitely filled my bucket (just not with fish). Learned a lot about gear to take for winter fishing - and will definitely be out there doing that again.
Lowlight was a bloke in a tinny rocking up ... yaks are stealth - don't come and have a chat you scare the fish!
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Anyway what's bugging the shit out of me at the moment is - quelle surprise - the wife.
In a move that has amazed onlookers (me), she booked herself in to see a psychologist.
I'm happy this moment has finally arrived. Not thrilled about the fact that both kids are also seeing a psych as it is a bit of a drain on the finances, but hopefully something good comes of it
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Anyway what's bugging the shit out of me at the moment is - quelle surprise - the wife.
In a move that has amazed onlookers (me), she booked herself in to see a psychologist.
I'm happy this moment has finally arrived. Not thrilled about the fact that both kids are also seeing a psych as it is a bit of a drain on the finances, but hopefully something good comes of it
Genuinely thrilled for you fella.
From what you’ve said you may find the kids don’t need it. I have no direct experience but a sister in law has dragged the whole family down with her shit.
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@MajorRage I don't disagree. Perhaps a bit of smoothing out with Mrs TA will help stabilise a few other things.
The daughter unit is presently in a slump because of what a boy may or may not think of her, because she overthinks shit. Same 16 yo who was in the car with me - not 2 weeks ago - discussing how other peoples' opinions were worthless. Hormones are fun. Not.
The Boy (now 20) is having his existential shit. Mate, you live at home rent-free, get pretty much everything you want, and yes, one day you're going to have to leave the safety of this nest and find your own way. It'll suck more than when I had to do it, but we managed. And yeah, you're going to die some day. Maybe it's all pointless, but please wake the fuck up to yourself and let's get through this Goth phase eh?
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Happiness Scale
