No kids, any regrets?
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Interesting thread. I’ve always wanted kids, but still didn’t have them until I was in my mid thirties.
That said, I don’t think just because I wanted them everybody should. If you are happy, then you made the right decision.
Sounds like you have the best of both worlds, with family having them instead. Hop those kids up on sugar and exit stage left!
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parenting is fucking hard. And anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or neglecting them
They create a shit load of work. They cost a lot of money. The up your stress levels and seriously affect your mood.
Then you are always worried if you are giving them enough. Enough time? enough emotional support? enough discipline? enough rope? Are you building good members of society. or are you failing them? Are we bonded? Are my kids the only ones like this? It's constant mental stress
They are also enormous handbrakes from allowing you to do what you want to do. Especially if you like doing things with your partner, or aren't a selfish asshole.
The decision not to have them should never, ever be looked down upon
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
You are on a whole different timetable with kids mate; theirs!
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@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
I was reading your posts in the parenting thread and I think that would be the part I'm missing out on. Helping/moulding someone to make the right decisions. Then I read TR's post about the potential for gangs to be at a party and I was like nah F*** that!! I would stress balls
Here's the thing: kids are a form of immortality plan.
You see the best of yourself in them, which you'd selfishly like to think reflects your personal glory to others you'll never meet.
But you also know that can happen for the worst traits or behaviours you see in yourself.
You try to guide them, but like you, it is lived experience that counts. So they don't always listen.
There is a sense of constant worry about whether they'll be OK (gangs, random fluffybunnies with knives, car accidents, drinking, drugs, etc) and so you get an understanding of what your parents were going through - even if they never showed it like my Mum the nurse who liked to pretend nothing could get to her.
Ultimately you try to get them to download everything useful but you also need to let them go. This is something Mrs TA is having trouble with, which is understandable given the bond created by carrying them around for months. It is different to my relationship with them.
Women raise children.
Men raise adults.That's how I explain it.
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
Or where they sit.
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
Or where they sit.
Nah easy for me: because I'm taller than the wife unit, the boy sits behind her as I put my seat riiiiiight back. Fuck 'im.
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
You will never be the parent you thought you'd be, because the kids aren't the kids you thought you'd have!
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
Women raise children.
Men raise adults.that may be true in your house, but it's a massive generalisation that seriously undersells a lot of the women i know
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also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
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I have a daughter who’s in her mid 20’s from a very short lived relationship ( 3 months but long enough). Have lost count how many times I’ve helped her move flats...
I currently have 2 more daughters ( I know right) with my wife, that didn’t happen till I was 38. They are currently 10 and 8.
We did suffer a mid carriage before we had them, twin boys, lost them at 18 weeks. Even now I think how differently our lives would would have turned out if they had survived. Twin boys, can you imagine it.Still I wouldn’t swap my girls for anything in the world... maybe except when they give me glimpses of what teenage girls are going to be like...
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
See, even a cat coming in meowing that the sun is rising and none of us are on the way to set an ambush at the drinking hole can be greeted with immense irritation - I just never know what mood I'll be in. Things that don't work properly (like anything IT drives me insane). Kids give a false sense of competence as an uncle because for some reason they'll do what you ask the first time you ask.
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
All good, happy to hear from all. I have a feeling parents need somewhere to vent
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
Oh man, I went to England last year to see my brother who was going to have a cancer op. Just wanted to give him a bit of support before the operation.
His two teenage kids are hopeless. Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving. I couldn't take it and after the 5th or 6th time I shouted "F***ing Hurry Up" My brother just laughed but I could tell that his misses wasn't happy.
They moved though, real quick.
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@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving.
Try getting them to do chores.
Anyway, for the benefit of you and @chimoaus : sliding doors.
While the obvious trope is to be (seethingly) jealous of your disposal income and free time and such, the reality isn't always that. As long as you've got someone in your life to have a laugh with, that is the main thing.
I take the point made above about someone to look after you in your old age, but quite frankly you've got the time and money to plan for that sort of shit so ...
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
All good, happy to hear from all. I have a feeling parents need somewhere to vent
i'll take my rant to another thread
but there are a lot of times when i have an enormous amount of envy towards people who don't have kids. Most of it involves me not being able to do things i want to do. because i too can be a selfish asshole.
Mrs Mariner and I have wondered what our life would be like right now without children.
But, and here is the kicker, then something little will happen, like they'll snuggle up to you on the couch, or a conversation you have one-on-one with them in teh car, or they'll show some level of development, and those thoughts all disappear, and life without them becomes impossible to picture
i love those little assholes.
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@antipodean Yeah, I love being an uncle, I hope to be that person they can talk to as they get older about anything and not worry I'm going to tell their mum everything.
One nephew doesn't have a Dad so I like to be the male role model and hopefully show him how to treat woman properly etc.
