No kids, any regrets?
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving.
Try getting them to do chores.
Anyway, for the benefit of you and @chimoaus : sliding doors.
While the obvious trope is to be (seethingly) jealous of your disposal income and free time and such, the reality isn't always that. As long as you've got someone in your life to have a laugh with, that is the main thing.
I take the point made above about someone to look after you in your old age, but quite frankly you've got the time and money to plan for that sort of shit so ...
I won't bank on the kids wiping my arse in my old age. My sister and I don't even live in the same city as my folks anymore. That is the way of the world
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan Hopefully I will have a Russian sex doll that can do that
Shit mate, there are some days I wish I was single and ready to mingle. But it doesn't motivate me to get off the couch.... Kids are great, but as many have intimated it totally farks with your love life and any other adult life you had is severely curbed. But reliving stuff from childhood with them is cool
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We've had ours pretty late in the piece (42 with an almost 4 year old and 9 month old) so that's meant more $$ stability, but less energy and more work commitments to juggle alongside parenting.
We always wanted kids and for a while we were lucky just to have one (loooong IVF journey). For a while we did have to consider what our plan B would be - adoption or no kids at all. Luckily things worked out but I have to admit we had some low/sad times when confronting the reality that we might not be able to have kids. Never got far along that path to wake up to the financial and time freedom that would be possible without the rug rats
We've got several couples in our wider group that haven't wanted or been able to have kids. I think the biggest thing we've learnt as a family is it's way easier to catch up with other people who have kids. You are on similar schedules or it's easier to have a coffee with a mate at the park while the kids play. Where your sans-kids friends would often rather a cafe or bar!!
But if you don't want kids then go for gold (with protection of course!) - no one should be pressured into kids and there are heaps of pathways to a satisfying and fulfilling life without them imo.
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do you mind if i add a supplementary question?
how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based
Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people
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My wife and I chose not to have kids, similar to @chimoaus , that there were hereditary issues we didn't want to pass on, nor did we think we were financially secure enough to support one (when we were younger)
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
Most of our friends and family have kids and we like spending time with them and their kids (and additionally) handing them back. I have the utmost respect for parents and but I am glad we also don't have that additional responsibility. Occasionally we also think what if? I think that is natural, but overall we are still happy with our decision. Given I have also spent most of the last 5 years (except 2020) doing a large amount international travel for work, I think my wife would have left me if we had to raise a child as well.
Thanks for posting @chimoaus , somewhat therapeutic just typing
cheers
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I really don't understand smug bastards with kids who call those who choose not to have them "selfish". Where is the rulebook for life that says you have to breed? In fact, you could probably mount a much better argument that having more than 1 kid is the far more selfish option.
Its truly weird to me
And for the record, I have 3 of the little fuckers, and I remind myself daily how much I love them
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Niece, nephews, pseudo-niece, god-daughter.
Collectively - way more than enough pseudo-responsibility for me... fly in, spoil the little shits, wind them up, fuck off home. Sorted.This year, I flew in, spoiled the little shits, wound them up, and then some fucking "it's just a flu" hit the world, and I was forced into living with the niece/nephews for 9 months or so, before eventually repatriating to NZ (and making sure it's in a different city).
For me, it looks far, far, fucking-far too hard to actually have kids... but I can see the obvious deep, deep, way-down-in-the-DNA satisfaction that comes from being a parent.So, in general... I'm quite satisfied being a self-centred, narcissistic, sole-income (and zero-additional-human-expenditure), prick.
And I've got the faux-kids for shit like christmas. And a motorbike. -
this thread has made me feel a bit better, just knowing there are others out there, we had two couples that we thought might not have kids...and both have announced during lockdown...just when i'd been in my head so much more, second guessing pretty much every decision ive ever made!
cheers @chimoaus
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@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there seems a long held societal expectation that people should have kids, and if you dont, there must be something wrong
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@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there is a societal expectation that people should have kids.
Yeah it is, as you get older it tends to keep coming even after you give a valid reason why, to the point sometimes you just make shit up, to kill the question coming again.
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The hardest part is being comfortable with the choice you make, or the path that you are made to take. I'm sure there are parents who hate it or just aren't happy. Then there are those who wanted to have kids and get torn up about the what ifs. Wanting the greener grass on the other side rather than being happy with what you have is a highly human trait
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@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there seems a long held societal expectation that people should have kids, and if you dont, there must be something wrong
Its unfair. We have mates that we assume are trying. But we will never ask them, why make them feel shit and inadequate? If and when it happens we will be more than happy to talk about it
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@voodoo said in No kids, any regrets?:
I really don't understand smug bastards with kids who call those who choose not to have them "selfish". Where is the rulebook for life that says you have to breed? In fact, you could probably mount a much better argument that having more than 1 kid is the far more selfish option.
Its truly weird to me
This, times heaps.
In a naively logical way, particularly, there is an argument that having multiple kids is a selfish option. But fuck - you've got DNA/biological imperative driving one to breed, breed, breed.Really - anybody who "chooses" to either have kids, or to not - and get to enjoy(?) their decision either way - should to some extent feel grateful.
It's the poor fluffybunnies who get forced into either option, not of their choosing - who I feel super, super sorry for. -
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there is a societal expectation that people should have kids.
Yeah it is, as you get older it tends to keep coming even after you give a valid reason why, to the point sometimes you just make shit up, to kill the question coming again.
"My uterus was unalterably damaged in a fisting mishap" should do the trick.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there is a societal expectation that people should have kids.
Yeah it is, as you get older it tends to keep coming even after you give a valid reason why, to the point sometimes you just make shit up, to kill the question coming again.
"My uterus was unalterably damaged in a fisting mishap" should do the trick.
Or "anal sex is the only way it feels right to us"
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Given how it seems people with kids do nothing but bitch and complain about them (and in the early years look absolutely exhausted and destroyed most of the time) perhaps the surprising thing is why so many people still actually want to have kids.
What I do find funny is some childless couples who spoil their pets rotten and almost treat them like kids.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel the urge to procreate is deep in our being. How else will the species endure?
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@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there is a societal expectation that people should have kids.
Yeah it is, as you get older it tends to keep coming even after you give a valid reason why, to the point sometimes you just make shit up, to kill the question coming again.
"My uterus was unalterably damaged in a fisting mishap" should do the trick.
Or "anal sex is the only way it feels right to us"
This could be a great thread-diversion, while staying true to the thread.
Suggestions for how to stop people from asking "when are you having kids?".... -
@Kruse said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
is the same as when a young couple gets married, people always ask 'when are you having kids' as there is a societal expectation that people should have kids.
Yeah it is, as you get older it tends to keep coming even after you give a valid reason why, to the point sometimes you just make shit up, to kill the question coming again.
"My uterus was unalterably damaged in a fisting mishap" should do the trick.
Or "anal sex is the only way it feels right to us"
This could be a great thread-diversion, while staying true to the thread.
Suggestions for how to stop people from asking "when are you having kids?"...."we have kids...we just dont let them outside"
