No kids, any regrets?
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
Work life balance is all fucked up. And if you are both ambitious and busy there's only so much energy to go around
She's been flagged as someone who could aspire to higher levels of her work - even ExCo - so that will be a particularly interesting to watch unfold.
I, on the other hand, have made it my mission at every corporate restructure to ask whether voluntary redundancy is an option.
So far, so bad.
I feel your pain mate, something to be said for a stay at home mum
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Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
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@JC Sorry to hear that, and sorry your wife has to go through it. My wife has some health issues which have some major impacts on her wellbeing so I can empathise.
That fertility "expert" sounds like a right fluffybunny. One thing that irks me a bit about the IVF system is so many couples are promised the earth and spend a near fortune for very little success.
I have no idea how that system is regulated and what sort of profits the clinics make but I do wonder if couples really understand the long-term cost vs the success rate.
I guess they are dealing with some of the most vulnerable people who are willing to spend and do anything for the chance however small. Sounds like a recipe for corruption and dishonesty.
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@chimoaus To be fair the money was never an issue. It was getting information that was the real problem. It wasn’t as if you could just google everything like you can now. The medical profession is full of arrogant pricks and this woman was one. She was a med school professor who worked for the NHS and funnelled patients to her private practice where she could do whatever she liked. I didn’t appreciate that that would be the first of innumerable times that my wife would be judged. As others have said, she has been asked literally hundreds of times if she didn’t want kids. She’s also been told by a hundred well meaning idiots that oh well, at least she has her freedom, and in some ways she’s lucky etc. Not helping. But then, if I’m honest, not much does help.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have a good life. But that’s always there.
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@mikey07 said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus my Wife’s a midwife and she says some of the Drs that do the IVF have the absolute worst God syndrome.
What's the difference betwwwn God and a surgeon?
God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
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@JC Sounds like a lot to deal with, it always amazes me how humans cope with trauma and grief, such strong emotions that can be bloody hard to live through. Having good relationships is a start and it sounds like you have that which is fantastic.
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@JC and thats the thing, people judge someone about thier life choices, without knowing that in many cases they arent decisions they have made themselves.
Dr/midwife told me that had TR Jnr been born only 20 years earlier, the complications during labour likely have seen me lose one of my wife or son...yet when he was born it was a relatively straight forward c-section.
I was surprised Mrs TR wanted to have a 2nd given her pregnancy wasnt straight forward (neither were) and the toll it took on her, mentally and physically was tough to watch..didnt help having to big boppers either (one an ounce under 10pd and the other well bver 10pd)
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@JC said in No kids, any regrets?:
Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
Damn bro, sorry to hear that. Sounds like you have a pretty resilient missus there that despite being dealt a tough hand and some terrible service is soldiering on.
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@JC said in No kids, any regrets?:
Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
Thoughts for you
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@JC thanks for sharing your story, and really sorry to hear about what you and your wife have had to go through. That you got through that as a couple is a testament to you both.
The wife and I are friends with a couple that also couldn't conceive and it makes us feel guilty that we had a kid by accident when we see what they went through with no result.
We were 100% not ready for that kid but we do feel really blessed that it happened. You just never know what life is going to throw at you so you have to cherish the good.
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Don't have kids because I can't. Insides were decimated by severe endometriosis. Three surgeons tried their best to cut 'n' scrape 'n' laser, but nope. Two days a month I'm incapacitated by pain (equivalent to late stage labour) the cramps seize up my gut, lower back, hips, and sciatic nerve. So that all sucks. Sibling has 4 kids with easy breezy pregnancies all.
Some days I'm glad I don't, especially when my anxiety disorder is bad. I look at others stressing about kid stuff and don't think I would cope. But other days it bites quite hard. And yes, when you are a woman, people are complete fuckwits if you don't have kids. The interrogation can be really cruel, and assumptions made.
The superiority of some parents, the shit like oh, you are selfish, or only a mother really knows how to love etc etc is hard to take. Honestly I wish people wouldn't ask why if you don't have kids. Like literally it's none of your fucking business. If it's a medical thing, it's so painful to talk about. Ditto for mental health or financial.
It's actually shocking how there is still so much stigma if a woman is childless. Oh, she is cold or dried up or other fucking shit. Like you're only worth something if you have a uterus that works, and God forbid if you don't feel the desire to breed. If we could reach a point where its like have kids if you want/not having them is equally cool, no explanation required, yay.
Oh, and don't wish for the whole single and ready to mingle way. There is nothing worth taking home nowadays. Not that you'd want to in a pandemic, amirite.A very long post to say sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped. Shrug. That's the way it goes.
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That’s shit sorry to hear @Mokey
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@Mokey said in No kids, any regrets?:
And yes, when you are a woman, people are complete fuckwits if you don't have kids. The interrogation can be really cruel, and assumptions made.
The superiority of some parents, the shit like oh, you are selfish, or only a mother really knows how to love etc etc is hard to take. Honestly I wish people wouldn't ask why if you don't have kids. Like literally it's none of your fucking business. If it's a medical thing, it's so painful to talk about. Ditto for mental health or financial.
It's actually shocking how there is still so much stigma if a woman is childless. Oh, she is cold or dried up or other fucking shit. Like you're only worth something if you have a uterus that works, and God forbid if you don't feel the desire to breed. If we could reach a point where its like have kids if you want/not having them is equally cool, no explanation required, yay.
Oh, and don't wish for the whole single and ready to mingle way. There is nothing worth taking home nowadays. Not that you'd want to in a pandemic, amirite.A very long post to say sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped. Shrug. That's the way it goes.
My missus goes through the same nonesense.
We put it down to the women are jealous as fuck.
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@Mokey think of us as all your children... sorry that was meant to make you feel better!...
For every amazing human being out there that can’t have children it’s horribly balanced out by so many fuckwits who don’t deserve kids. NZ seems to have no shortage of those.
