No kids, any regrets?
-
@JC said in No kids, any regrets?:
Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
Damn bro, sorry to hear that. Sounds like you have a pretty resilient missus there that despite being dealt a tough hand and some terrible service is soldiering on.
-
@JC said in No kids, any regrets?:
Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
Thoughts for you
-
@JC thanks for sharing your story, and really sorry to hear about what you and your wife have had to go through. That you got through that as a couple is a testament to you both.
The wife and I are friends with a couple that also couldn't conceive and it makes us feel guilty that we had a kid by accident when we see what they went through with no result.
We were 100% not ready for that kid but we do feel really blessed that it happened. You just never know what life is going to throw at you so you have to cherish the good.
-
Don't have kids because I can't. Insides were decimated by severe endometriosis. Three surgeons tried their best to cut 'n' scrape 'n' laser, but nope. Two days a month I'm incapacitated by pain (equivalent to late stage labour) the cramps seize up my gut, lower back, hips, and sciatic nerve. So that all sucks. Sibling has 4 kids with easy breezy pregnancies all.
Some days I'm glad I don't, especially when my anxiety disorder is bad. I look at others stressing about kid stuff and don't think I would cope. But other days it bites quite hard. And yes, when you are a woman, people are complete fuckwits if you don't have kids. The interrogation can be really cruel, and assumptions made.
The superiority of some parents, the shit like oh, you are selfish, or only a mother really knows how to love etc etc is hard to take. Honestly I wish people wouldn't ask why if you don't have kids. Like literally it's none of your fucking business. If it's a medical thing, it's so painful to talk about. Ditto for mental health or financial.
It's actually shocking how there is still so much stigma if a woman is childless. Oh, she is cold or dried up or other fucking shit. Like you're only worth something if you have a uterus that works, and God forbid if you don't feel the desire to breed. If we could reach a point where its like have kids if you want/not having them is equally cool, no explanation required, yay.
Oh, and don't wish for the whole single and ready to mingle way. There is nothing worth taking home nowadays. Not that you'd want to in a pandemic, amirite.A very long post to say sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped. Shrug. That's the way it goes.
-
That’s shit sorry to hear @Mokey
-
@Mokey said in No kids, any regrets?:
And yes, when you are a woman, people are complete fuckwits if you don't have kids. The interrogation can be really cruel, and assumptions made.
The superiority of some parents, the shit like oh, you are selfish, or only a mother really knows how to love etc etc is hard to take. Honestly I wish people wouldn't ask why if you don't have kids. Like literally it's none of your fucking business. If it's a medical thing, it's so painful to talk about. Ditto for mental health or financial.
It's actually shocking how there is still so much stigma if a woman is childless. Oh, she is cold or dried up or other fucking shit. Like you're only worth something if you have a uterus that works, and God forbid if you don't feel the desire to breed. If we could reach a point where its like have kids if you want/not having them is equally cool, no explanation required, yay.
Oh, and don't wish for the whole single and ready to mingle way. There is nothing worth taking home nowadays. Not that you'd want to in a pandemic, amirite.A very long post to say sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped. Shrug. That's the way it goes.
My missus goes through the same nonesense.
We put it down to the women are jealous as fuck.
-
@Mokey think of us as all your children... sorry that was meant to make you feel better!...
For every amazing human being out there that can’t have children it’s horribly balanced out by so many fuckwits who don’t deserve kids. NZ seems to have no shortage of those.
-
@Mokey said in No kids, any regrets?:
Don't have kids because I can't. Insides were decimated by severe endometriosis. Three surgeons tried their best to cut 'n' scrape 'n' laser, but nope. Two days a month I'm incapacitated by pain (equivalent to late stage labour) the cramps seize up my gut, lower back, hips, and sciatic nerve. So that all sucks. Sibling has 4 kids with easy breezy pregnancies all.
Some days I'm glad I don't, especially when my anxiety disorder is bad. I look at others stressing about kid stuff and don't think I would cope. But other days it bites quite hard. And yes, when you are a woman, people are complete fuckwits if you don't have kids. The interrogation can be really cruel, and assumptions made.
The superiority of some parents, the shit like oh, you are selfish, or only a mother really knows how to love etc etc is hard to take. Honestly I wish people wouldn't ask why if you don't have kids. Like literally it's none of your fucking business. If it's a medical thing, it's so painful to talk about. Ditto for mental health or financial.
It's actually shocking how there is still so much stigma if a woman is childless. Oh, she is cold or dried up or other fucking shit. Like you're only worth something if you have a uterus that works, and God forbid if you don't feel the desire to breed. If we could reach a point where its like have kids if you want/not having them is equally cool, no explanation required, yay.
Oh, and don't wish for the whole single and ready to mingle way. There is nothing worth taking home nowadays. Not that you'd want to in a pandemic, amirite.A very long post to say sometimes life just doesn't work out how you hoped. Shrug. That's the way it goes.
Can definitely relate to this as I sorta suspected when I ended up with a 44 year old with no kids. This whole spiel is basically her and her situation word for word. I feel for anyone in this situation.
She’s a fucken excellent step mum and auntie though. All of that makes her happy.
-
@Mokey said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Virgil yeah, while there are awesome mums and dad's out there, I give hard side eye to 'parent' being a measure of love/care/selflessness. If all parents were great there wouldn't be any traumatised/hungry/maimed/dead kids.
It’s a shitty society we live in where a woman is judged by how many kids she has or doesn’t have. It’s not like the world is over populated as it is.
Been too many stories in the news the past week with babies been killed, either by freak accident ( the dog one) or murdered by a relative.
-
@Virgil said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Mokey said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Virgil yeah, while there are awesome mums and dad's out there, I give hard side eye to 'parent' being a measure of love/care/selflessness. If all parents were great there wouldn't be any traumatised/hungry/maimed/dead kids.
It’s a shitty society we live in where a woman is judged by how many kids she has or doesn’t have. It’s not like the world is over populated as it is.
Been too many stories in the news the past week with babies been killed, either by freak accident ( the dog one) or murdered by a relative.
You’re not wrong Virg. So many stories of some fucken ferals ( I miss @jegga and his liberal use of that word ) getting their kids taken or as you say stories like you’ve mentioned.
The kind of shitheads who have kids when they don’t deserve or want them and just look at them as a ticket to have more cash to spend on Cody’s and smokes.
-
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo Thanks for sharing, yes can be tough that is for sure. The wife had some big regrets in her 30's when friends etc were having kids, but now we are past that age it's not really an issue. We couldn't bring ourselves to tell the MIL at the time, she took it pretty hard. My mum was ok as she already had plenty of grandkids.
The only "gloat" time is when I catch up with a bunch of mates and their families and we have a massive bbq late into the night and having to see/hear them deal with their kids first thing the next morning.
I generally smile and roll over for some more sleep
Mine can make coffee now and cook bacon and eggs in such situations. They first 8 or so years though......useless
-
-
Some heartbreaking stories for those of you that can't have kids. Makes me feel guilty for chosing not to! When people ask why I haven't got any, my relpy is usually either "I don't like them" or "you think a child should be raising children?" If they know me well enough the last one shuts them up.
I think my neighbours had fertility treatment, either that, or a freak of nature gave them triplets. They definitely weren't planning on that, but great parents nonetheless. It does work for some I suppose.
@Virgil said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Mokey think of us as all your children... sorry that was meant to make you feel better!...
That pobably didn't work.
I think "I blame the parents" would be the normal cliche, which seems a little unkind as well in this instance. If we were all well behaved Polish chicks it might have worked, but a bunch of grumpy, juvenile middle aged men, not so much.
-
@Snowy did you watch the series Dexter? He struggled with his family life while doubling as a serial killer!
-
@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy did you watch the series Dexter? He struggled with his family life while doubling as a serial killer!
Yes, seen all of the TB shows and read all of the textbooks. Very, ummm, educational.
-
@booboo thanks. Endo is terrible. And the worst aspect is, so many women are dismissed when it comes to bad periods. Just 'unlucky' or 'complainers'. I had several doctors shrug, then at last one who was all oh hell no, you are getting referred to a obgyn. Very nice specialist diagnosed me in oh about 20 seconds, surgery 6 weeks later.
I just hate thinking of all the infertile chicks who might have had a different outcome if someone had taken them seriously rather than patting their head and recommending ibuprofen and a wheatie pack. -
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
Some heartbreaking stories for those of you that can't have kids. Makes me feel guilty for chosing not to! When people ask why I haven't got any, my relpy is usually either "I don't like them" or "you think a child should be raising children?" If they know me well enough the last one shuts them up.
I think my neighbours had fertility treatment, either that, or a freak of nature gave them triplets. They definitely weren't planning on that, but great parents nonetheless. It does work for some I suppose.
@Virgil said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Mokey think of us as all your children... sorry that was meant to make you feel better!...
That pobably didn't work.
I think "I blame the parents" would be the normal cliche, which seems a little unkind as well in this instance. If we were all well behaved Polish chicks it might have worked, but a bunch of grumpy, juvenile middle aged men, not so much.
Why ?
You're not obligated to and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise can get fucked and mind their own business, people like that are almost as bad as politicial piston wristed gibbons telling you who they think you should vote for.
