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@dogmeat that made me cry a bit.
It wasn't because of all the bad things that happened but because you felt guilt for trying to make yourself happy. I don't know why reading that part upset me but it did.
I'm truly of the belief that we get one go on this planet in this form, so we must do our best to make ourselves happy but not at the expense of others happiness. Nothing I have read on here suggests you are making people unhappy so your should be guilt free in your own happiness!
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
Thanks mate. I remember a poster here a few years back. El Toro I think his name was. Saffa and Bulls supporter. Had been in a shocking car crash (someone else plowed into him) and he was left in a lot of pain and a very long period of recovery. He was clearly in a lot of distress but was also philosophical about it. He compared his situation to a rat in a bucket of water - an almost impossible situation but no option but to keep on swimming and trying to get out. The alternative is giving up and drowning. Have never forgotten that.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
Thanks mate. I remember a poster here a few years back. El Toro I think his name was. Saffa and Bulls supporter. Had been in a shocking car crash (someone else plowed into him) and he was left in a lot of pain and a very long period of recovery. He was clearly in a lot of distress but was also philosophical about it. He compared his situation to a rat in a bucket of water - an almost impossible situation but no option but to keep on swimming and trying to get out. The alternative is giving up and drowning. Have never forgotten that.
Yeah but many do ‘drown’. It’s so easy to see why male suicide rates are the way they are. I definitely believe you have to ‘harden up’ in some aspects of life or else you’ll just get walked over.....but by the same token don’t be ashamed to reach out when you need help.
So hard for men to do that sometimes.
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@Hooroo said in Happiness Scale:
@dogmeat that made me cry a bit.
It wasn't because of all the bad things that happened but because you felt guilt for trying to make yourself happy. I don't know why reading that part upset me but it did.
I'm truly of the belief that we get one go on this planet in this form, so we must do our best to make ourselves happy but not at the expense of others happiness. Nothing I have read on here suggests you are making people unhappy so your should be guilt free in your own happiness!
we make ourselves so miserable sometimes, and I think our brains are wired to look at what's not there, rather than what is.
My wife sometimes gets upset if we don't deliver 100% awesomeness and parental support to the kids. I have to keep reminding her that our kids live an awesome life, they live in a warm house with stable parents who love them and each other, and they are looked after (aka pampered pooches). It's not going to hurt them if they get some extra screen, or eat nuggets two nights in a row.
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@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Not that it's any consolation, but you win mate. Hands down. You deserve for shit to go your way, I hope RS Jnr pulls his head out of his arse in time
Thanks mate. I remember a poster here a few years back. El Toro I think his name was. Saffa and Bulls supporter. Had been in a shocking car crash (someone else plowed into him) and he was left in a lot of pain and a very long period of recovery. He was clearly in a lot of distress but was also philosophical about it. He compared his situation to a rat in a bucket of water - an almost impossible situation but no option but to keep on swimming and trying to get out. The alternative is giving up and drowning. Have never forgotten that.
Yeah but many do ‘drown’. It’s so easy to see why male suicide rates are the way they are. I definitely believe you have to ‘harden up’ in some aspects of life or else you’ll just get walked over.....but by the same token don’t be ashamed to reach out when you need help.
So hard for men to do that sometimes.
Around the time my wife died, I’d developed a terrible cough which was so bad I actually tore a muscle in my back. Anyway, the night she died I came home and my dad suggested that I have some whisky for the cough and to help me sleep (old man old school medicine). That one glass of whiskey kind of scared me because it suddenly seemed to dull the pain and calm me down. I understood then why people might hit the bottle. It won’t help the situation but by God it helps take the pain away, even if for a brief moment.
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Can relate to those with family members going through Alzheimer's. Over the last two years words such as sundowning and shadowing have taken on a new meaning. Also sandwich-generation too...
What began as family health chaos in 2019 for us just felt like it spilled over globally in 2020.
Eighteen months ago we had Mum with increasingly mid-stage Alzheimer's being stoically (and slightly stubbornly) looked after at home by Dad with COPD. Which was very precariously working, up until Dad's health tipped over.
A series of hospital admissions for Dad clarified that his COPD (stoically "oh, I've known about that for years") was now Stage Four. Google then clarified that there is actually no stage five for COPD, and we lost Dad a few hours before 'that' RWC semi final.
As an aside, I'd never heard of hospital-induced delirium in the elderly until last year, but it is pretty awful. When the sundowning Alzheimer's patient is the most sane one in a conversation, it might almost be funny if it wasn't so horrific to listen to/to try and untangle...
A subtle but scary shift is when you realise you're now essentially parenting your parents. And when you hear yourself unintentionally talking to your Mum the same way as you've just finished talking to the five year old...
So that left us with an anxious Mum - who'd just moved out of her home of 51 years into a rest home - four days later losing her husband of 56 years who she'd been expecting to follow her there. And with a family home with 51 years of stuff that had been chaotically reorganised over the last few years by someone with Alzheimer's.
Pro-tip; if you are ever trying to find the family phone book in a cluttered home ahead of a funeral, and the person with Alzheimer's has absolutely no idea where she has hidden it - check the record (LP) collection. It only took us three days, and it was literally the last place left to look - but there was a slight logic to where it was I guess
Most of the last twelve months have been unravelling all that, and sorting out and selling the house under power of attorney around Covid. Risperidone can be controversial for Alzheimer's patients, but brief use of it [in a home with nurses on site 24/7] got Mum through those first couple of months, and kept her in a rest home that isn't a full "Dementia lockdown" one - and one where she is very well looked after.
Two bits of random advice:
- Make sure you and your family members have enduring power of attorney's set up, it makes a huge difference.
- The healthcare system is 'easy' to navigate if someone has the proverbial heart attack, massive fall, or car crash where the ambulance and the system immediately takes hold. For chronic end of life conditions it seems to be very easy to fall into the gaps. If you see that happening to family, stay close by if you can.
My day job looked very precarious during lockdown, but somehow it has survived. I was also 'borrowed' into another work group at the time, so between two day jobs (and writing too much on TSF) Levels 4 and 3 just vanished. Hanging out for a Christmas holiday though.
Because 2020: in April my job looked like toast, and Mrs Steppa's job looked as safe as houses. But guess who is now unexpectedly in the middle of a restructure process at work - because 2020!
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Seriously though. Kia kaha team - I don't have OnlyFans but feel free to slide into my DMs if you ever need a yarn or to vent.
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@Paekakboyz said in Happiness Scale:
Seriously though. Kia kaha team - I don't have OnlyFans but feel free to slide into my DMs if you ever need a yarn or to vent.
fuck that, i want nudes!
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@Kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
@Paekakboyz said in Happiness Scale:
no onions...just the last ep of the Mandalorian...
It's up there with Empire Strikes Back and Revenge of the Sith. The emotions are so strong.....
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@voodoo said in Happiness Scale:
Fucking StarWars nerds hijacking every thread now 😎
take youre pick
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Jesus H Christ.
This thread took a turn for the deep over the weekend. And it's been extremely enlightening, if not always in a positive way.
I don't really have any large scale problems, just internal ones really that I need to solve. And two things have put that all into perspective. The rest of this thread and a chat with my 6 year old daughter. I can't speak for others (but I suspect it's the same), the 6 year old girl perspective on things is always so enlightening and refreshing. Her logic is just so straight forwards, and somehow or other, just seem to contain the right level of emotion. Saturday was classic for that. I was hungover as a dog and my daughter asked why I was so poorly. So I was honest and she replied "Daddy everybody should have fun, but don't get why you'd have fun doing something that makes you feel sick".
Solid advice that. She then gave me a large hug as she said that always makes her feel better so she leaned back and asked if I felt better. Amazing times. Of course a few hours later she had a massive tantrum over something stupid, but you gotta take the good with the bad
Anyway, ultimately all must do what you need to to do to keep your head above water. The outside looking in, is never the same as the inside looking out. If that were the case, we'd certainly still have Chris Cornell, Dan Vickerman & a few other people who I actually knew who lived amazing lives.
Thanks for sharing everybody, and like others, if ever want to chat / discuss something that perhaps not comfortable in person, TSF is always here.
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@MajorRage said in Happiness Scale:
Jesus H Christ.
This thread took a turn for the deep over the weekend. And it's been extremely enlightening, if not always in a positive way.
I don't really have any large scale problems, just internal ones really that I need to solve. And two things have put that all into perspective. The rest of this thread and a chat with my 6 year old daughter. I can't speak for others (but I suspect it's the same), the 6 year old girl perspective on things is always so enlightening and refreshing. Her logic is just so straight forwards, and somehow or other, just seem to contain the right level of emotion. Saturday was classic for that. I was hungover as a dog and my daughter asked why I was so poorly. So I was honest and she replied "Daddy everybody should have fun, but don't get why you'd have fun doing something that makes you feel sick".
Solid advice that. But then of course she gave me a large hug as she said that always makes her feel better so she leaned back and asked if I felt better. Amazing times. Of course a few hours later she had a massive tantrum over something stupid, but you gotta take the good with the bad
Anyway, ultimately all must do what you need to to do to keep your head above water. The outside looking in, is never the same as the inside looking out. If that were the case, we'd certainly still have Chris Cornell, Dan Vickerman & a few other people who I actually knew who lived amazing lives.
Thanks for sharing everybody, and like others, if ever want to chat / discuss something that perhaps not comfortable in person, TSF is always here.
Haha that made me chuckle. Reminds me of the time my boys said I smelt like a petrol station after a rather large night on the rums.
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@MajorRage said in Happiness Scale:
Solid advice that. She then gave me a large hug as she said that always makes her feel better so she leaned back and asked if I felt better. Amazing times. Of course a few hours later she had a massive tantrum over something stupid, but you gotta take the good with the bad
Agreed. My daughter is 13 now, and we have had the best conversations about all sorts of shit over the last couple of years. We share concerns for her mother's mental health with all this work bullshit, for example.
However, I've been informed she likes a boy, and even showed me where he lives and told me what his name is.
Poor bastard.
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Happy, healthy, unwealthy.
But the unwealthy is directly linked to my life & career choices.
But I definitely favour unwealthy over unhealthy.
Made the most of 2020 despite losing a lot of work and income.
It’ll come back.
Just celebrated 10 years with my partner Nerys. 10 months was the longest relationship prior to meeting her.
Both very happy.
Just had a belated 54th birthday celebration this past weekend with 3 days skiing in the Brecon Beacons National Park, Wales with lads half my age.
Unapologetically life is great.
But Nerys and I are both glass 7/8 full people.
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This thread is kind of therapeutic. Not because there are those that have had it tougher, not at all, but because we (as men) are speaking so freely about it.
It's something that our Dads probably never got to do and likely held it in.
I salute any of you that have managed to take action because of this thread.
Happiness Scale
