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@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Back on the serious therapy side of things: Catharsis time!
Fuck, I need to get a holiday in. While I love working from home, and have vocally stated my preference to go back to the office rarely, I realise that I'm slowly getting more and more disengaged with life in general. Rugby season should help with that, but I'll then be operating at two speeds, which is also producing a bit of anxiety in itself.
I've also thought about what happens if I wanted a new job - can I keep these arrangements in some fashion? Because the flexibility is working for me, and I have no aspirations to become Mr Career Man, so maybe I'm just better off having this job that is good enough. Work to live and all that.
I'm also on the flat part of the curve in this work, where a year ago I was learning Google Cloud Platform and building things from scratch. Now I have to get it into production and make it supportable, which is boring as bat shit.
Throw in the fact that we've brought in a team to help, and they're all enthusiastic and stuff, but I keep having to re-state proper ways of doing this, given I've been doing data work since before some of them started school. I then question myself as to whether I'm just a grumpy old man The way they're proposing to do things is nice and fast and Agile and all that, but I've read this book before, and know it isn't going to work over the longer term when I'm the one left holding the can.
Physical relationship with the wife has slowed to a crawl since new year, as she takes over her new position with more managerial responsibility; not that she doesn't push that shit to the limit with working after hours and on weekends. "Oh but this needs to be delivered by X" says she, failing to look ahead and see the lineup of stuff that will always need delivering by X. Or Y. Or Z.
I feel like there is very little time left for me. I don't bother bringing it up; her fallback is to tie everything back to her Mum's dementia and ongoing existence - it isn't much of a life - and really that situation hasn't significantly changed in over a year now, for any of us. But I feel like the wife isn't looking for meaningful ways of dealing with this, and in that she's just like her Mum: pretend like we're just tough women who can deal with anything, when really they're a fucking mess.
I've also noticed us getting a bit snippy with each other; her snippiness is probably in response to mine, which is driven by the fact I do not feel loved/wanted/appreciated. I do my best to keep a lid on that.
At least I've got the kids.
Have started teaching the boy to drive now he's on his learner's permit. Occasionally (very) stressful but it's a life skill, and he can pick me up from the pub in a year or so when I don't need to supervise. His guitar work continues to impress me, as he picked up a classic guitar recently and is working hard on Spanish styles and learning themes from his favourite anime. He's gotten over some of the bullshit he was feeling last year, and maturing into his own person, which is good to see. Also being able to pick his own subjects to study for his HSC has given him an enthusiasm for schoolwork.
The Daughter Unit is my rock as far as support networks go, despite the recent acquisition of a boyfriend (they're both 13). More than ever, I am appreciating the frank and honest discussions we have about life in general, and specific issues when they arise. She's smart, funny, and a little bit weird, but it is her maturity that gets to me sometimes; she got dressed for an outing recently, and I thought she should easily be mistaken for someone several years older.
The skinny little bastard who managed to grab her eye is punching waaaaay outside his narrow-arsed weight division.
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
Unfortunately I can sympathise and relate to the wife/Partner situation. Thankfully she’s at least making an effort and willing to talk about it but it’s difficult shifting from honeymoon mode to (unnecessary stress) and barely time for a hug. I’ve made it quite clear that that isn’t good enough for me and hopefully things will improve. It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
He’s even grumpier in real life than on the fern
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@mn5 said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Back on the serious therapy side of things: Catharsis time!
Fuck, I need to get a holiday in. While I love working from home, and have vocally stated my preference to go back to the office rarely, I realise that I'm slowly getting more and more disengaged with life in general. Rugby season should help with that, but I'll then be operating at two speeds, which is also producing a bit of anxiety in itself.
I've also thought about what happens if I wanted a new job - can I keep these arrangements in some fashion? Because the flexibility is working for me, and I have no aspirations to become Mr Career Man, so maybe I'm just better off having this job that is good enough. Work to live and all that.
I'm also on the flat part of the curve in this work, where a year ago I was learning Google Cloud Platform and building things from scratch. Now I have to get it into production and make it supportable, which is boring as bat shit.
Throw in the fact that we've brought in a team to help, and they're all enthusiastic and stuff, but I keep having to re-state proper ways of doing this, given I've been doing data work since before some of them started school. I then question myself as to whether I'm just a grumpy old man The way they're proposing to do things is nice and fast and Agile and all that, but I've read this book before, and know it isn't going to work over the longer term when I'm the one left holding the can.
Physical relationship with the wife has slowed to a crawl since new year, as she takes over her new position with more managerial responsibility; not that she doesn't push that shit to the limit with working after hours and on weekends. "Oh but this needs to be delivered by X" says she, failing to look ahead and see the lineup of stuff that will always need delivering by X. Or Y. Or Z.
I feel like there is very little time left for me. I don't bother bringing it up; her fallback is to tie everything back to her Mum's dementia and ongoing existence - it isn't much of a life - and really that situation hasn't significantly changed in over a year now, for any of us. But I feel like the wife isn't looking for meaningful ways of dealing with this, and in that she's just like her Mum: pretend like we're just tough women who can deal with anything, when really they're a fucking mess.
I've also noticed us getting a bit snippy with each other; her snippiness is probably in response to mine, which is driven by the fact I do not feel loved/wanted/appreciated. I do my best to keep a lid on that.
At least I've got the kids.
Have started teaching the boy to drive now he's on his learner's permit. Occasionally (very) stressful but it's a life skill, and he can pick me up from the pub in a year or so when I don't need to supervise. His guitar work continues to impress me, as he picked up a classic guitar recently and is working hard on Spanish styles and learning themes from his favourite anime. He's gotten over some of the bullshit he was feeling last year, and maturing into his own person, which is good to see. Also being able to pick his own subjects to study for his HSC has given him an enthusiasm for schoolwork.
The Daughter Unit is my rock as far as support networks go, despite the recent acquisition of a boyfriend (they're both 13). More than ever, I am appreciating the frank and honest discussions we have about life in general, and specific issues when they arise. She's smart, funny, and a little bit weird, but it is her maturity that gets to me sometimes; she got dressed for an outing recently, and I thought she should easily be mistaken for someone several years older.
The skinny little bastard who managed to grab her eye is punching waaaaay outside his narrow-arsed weight division.
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
Unfortunately I can sympathise and relate to the wife/Partner situation. Thankfully she’s at least making an effort and willing to talk about it but it’s difficult shifting from honeymoon mode to (unnecessary stress) and barely time for a hug. I’ve made it quite clear that that isn’t good enough for me and hopefully things will improve. It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
He’s even grumpier in real life than on the fern
Truth.
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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@mn5 said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Back on the serious therapy side of things: Catharsis time!
Fuck, I need to get a holiday in. While I love working from home, and have vocally stated my preference to go back to the office rarely, I realise that I'm slowly getting more and more disengaged with life in general. Rugby season should help with that, but I'll then be operating at two speeds, which is also producing a bit of anxiety in itself.
I've also thought about what happens if I wanted a new job - can I keep these arrangements in some fashion? Because the flexibility is working for me, and I have no aspirations to become Mr Career Man, so maybe I'm just better off having this job that is good enough. Work to live and all that.
I'm also on the flat part of the curve in this work, where a year ago I was learning Google Cloud Platform and building things from scratch. Now I have to get it into production and make it supportable, which is boring as bat shit.
Throw in the fact that we've brought in a team to help, and they're all enthusiastic and stuff, but I keep having to re-state proper ways of doing this, given I've been doing data work since before some of them started school. I then question myself as to whether I'm just a grumpy old man The way they're proposing to do things is nice and fast and Agile and all that, but I've read this book before, and know it isn't going to work over the longer term when I'm the one left holding the can.
Physical relationship with the wife has slowed to a crawl since new year, as she takes over her new position with more managerial responsibility; not that she doesn't push that shit to the limit with working after hours and on weekends. "Oh but this needs to be delivered by X" says she, failing to look ahead and see the lineup of stuff that will always need delivering by X. Or Y. Or Z.
I feel like there is very little time left for me. I don't bother bringing it up; her fallback is to tie everything back to her Mum's dementia and ongoing existence - it isn't much of a life - and really that situation hasn't significantly changed in over a year now, for any of us. But I feel like the wife isn't looking for meaningful ways of dealing with this, and in that she's just like her Mum: pretend like we're just tough women who can deal with anything, when really they're a fucking mess.
I've also noticed us getting a bit snippy with each other; her snippiness is probably in response to mine, which is driven by the fact I do not feel loved/wanted/appreciated. I do my best to keep a lid on that.
At least I've got the kids.
Have started teaching the boy to drive now he's on his learner's permit. Occasionally (very) stressful but it's a life skill, and he can pick me up from the pub in a year or so when I don't need to supervise. His guitar work continues to impress me, as he picked up a classic guitar recently and is working hard on Spanish styles and learning themes from his favourite anime. He's gotten over some of the bullshit he was feeling last year, and maturing into his own person, which is good to see. Also being able to pick his own subjects to study for his HSC has given him an enthusiasm for schoolwork.
The Daughter Unit is my rock as far as support networks go, despite the recent acquisition of a boyfriend (they're both 13). More than ever, I am appreciating the frank and honest discussions we have about life in general, and specific issues when they arise. She's smart, funny, and a little bit weird, but it is her maturity that gets to me sometimes; she got dressed for an outing recently, and I thought she should easily be mistaken for someone several years older.
The skinny little bastard who managed to grab her eye is punching waaaaay outside his narrow-arsed weight division.
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
Unfortunately I can sympathise and relate to the wife/Partner situation. Thankfully she’s at least making an effort and willing to talk about it but it’s difficult shifting from honeymoon mode to (unnecessary stress) and barely time for a hug. I’ve made it quite clear that that isn’t good enough for me and hopefully things will improve. It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
He’s even grumpier in real life than on the fern
Truth.
It certainly wasn’t an insult put it that way
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
I'm just jealous of all these little pricks with no responsibility and their European holiday experiences n shit.
It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
I think it is evolutionary - once the provider has been secured, the effort drops away. A mate of mine is up to his third wife, but comes from money so had a pre-nup in place in each case. He basically said to each one of them that there are standards and that he's not demanding, just has needs.
There is stress in everyone's life, but really think about what is important, yeah? Nobody on their deathbed will regret not spending more time at their desk.
I've impressed on both kids that while this mantra of Happyness they're getting sold is total bullshit, neither should they judge their own self worth on the word of others. If their school results aren't great, I don't actually care, while the wife goes mental because that's how she lives her life. My HSC result was well below par and I still earn as much as her. I don't kill myself at work, but know enough to make it look like I'm flat strap.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
Daughter Unit was telling me about a girl in her year, who was always spoiled ever since they were together at Primary School - iPhone at 11, acrylic nails at 12, stacks of makeup etc.
Anyway this little cow ran off the rails a bit with her parents, who were always off travelling and leaving her with the aunt anyway, and she's been kicked out. Vapes, drinks stacks of red bull, and now there's a little bitch feud going on with her former best frenemy who is also a toxic bint. But it isn't happening face to face, oh no - these days they're making TikToks about each other
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@frank said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
pretend like we're just tough women who can deal with anything, when really they're a fucking mess.
That's really a modern Western woman thing.
My brother's wife is exactly like that.The happiest women I know are the stay at home or work part time ones. Same with the blokes for that matter. This idea that your happiness and sense of worth should be measured by your career or the useless shit you own isn’t healthy.
My experience is also that the actual strong and independent women are the ones who don’t need to tell people they are every 5 seconds. They just get on with it. The self proclaimed strong independent women have a tendency to clutch pearls and faint at even the slightest offence or obstacle. And theres no independent thought, just this ridiculous and sometimes dangerous hivemind.
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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
I'm just jealous of all these little pricks with no responsibility and their European holiday experiences n shit.
It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
I think it is evolutionary - once the provider has been secured, the effort drops away. A mate of mine is up to his third wife, but comes from money so had a pre-nup in place in each case. He basically said to each one of them that there are standards and that he's not demanding, just has needs.
There is stress in everyone's life, but really think about what is important, yeah? Nobody on their deathbed will regret not spending more time at their desk.
I've impressed on both kids that while this mantra of Happyness they're getting sold is total bullshit, neither should they judge their own self worth on the word of others. If their school results aren't great, I don't actually care, while the wife goes mental because that's how she lives her life. My HSC result was well below par and I still earn as much as her. I don't kill myself at work, but know enough to make it look like I'm flat strap.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
Daughter Unit was telling me about a girl in her year, who was always spoiled ever since they were together at Primary School - iPhone at 11, acrylic nails at 12, stacks of makeup etc.
Anyway this little cow ran off the rails a bit with her parents, who were always off travelling and leaving her with the aunt anyway, and she's been kicked out. Vapes, drinks stacks of red bull, and now there's a little bitch feud going on with her former best frenemy who is also a toxic bint. But it isn't happening face to face, oh no - these days they're making TikToks about each other
Yep. Unfortunately I know how quickly everything can be snuffed out. We only get one shot at all this. Why waste life on something that isn’t important or doesn’t give you any joy. That’s I think where women and men differ. And sex is a good example.For men sex is escapism. A chance to have a bit of pleasure and block the rest of that shit out. It’s about the moment. Whereas (many but obviously not all) women view it as a time consuming activity that gets in the way of everything. There has to be a right time and good luck finding the right time. You shouldn’t need to travel to some island getaway just to get intimate. Make time.
My “step daughter” is having some online issues already (she’s 11). But hardly surprising since she’s on the iPad fucking 24/7. It’s incredibly frustrating as I fought long and hard to get my youngest to kick the habit. I also found out far too late that it had a huge impact on my eldest. It’s just poison and I count myself blessed that I grew up without it.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
For men sex is escapism. A chance to have a bit of pleasure and block the rest of that shit out. It’s about the moment. Whereas (many but obviously not all) women view it as a time consuming activity that gets in the way of everything. There has to be a right time and good luck finding the right time. You shouldn’t need to travel to some island getaway just to get intimate. Make time.
I saw a video on YouTube from a female sex therapist, after looking up a reddit thread on r/deadbedroom and one of her pieces of advice to couples was "just do it". Once things are warmed up a bit, everyone actually enjoys themselves.
Comes from the different ways in which the female and male brains work about sex in terms of the desire vs stimulation angle.
EDIT: and the worst bit about that? Mrs TA figures herself a psychologist, because she has an Honours degree with a psych major. Therefore she should understand ALL of this. But nah, too much effort, and it is all about me as the male wanting sex, right? Clearly she gets nothing out of it
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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Anyway, fuck it: two things to sort out for work, then beer.
i just picked up the first cartons i have bought since the first week in january!!
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@mariner4life I've been knocking off the case I got from the co-op brewery I'm invested in. Not cheap, but fuck it: support the boys.
A mate of mine needed a piece of network hardware I had lying around (yes, we're nerds) and despite just wanting it to go to a good home, he gave me a 4 pack of Bent Spoke Cranking IPA for it.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
I'm just jealous of all these little pricks with no responsibility and their European holiday experiences n shit.
It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
I think it is evolutionary - once the provider has been secured, the effort drops away. A mate of mine is up to his third wife, but comes from money so had a pre-nup in place in each case. He basically said to each one of them that there are standards and that he's not demanding, just has needs.
There is stress in everyone's life, but really think about what is important, yeah? Nobody on their deathbed will regret not spending more time at their desk.
I've impressed on both kids that while this mantra of Happyness they're getting sold is total bullshit, neither should they judge their own self worth on the word of others. If their school results aren't great, I don't actually care, while the wife goes mental because that's how she lives her life. My HSC result was well below par and I still earn as much as her. I don't kill myself at work, but know enough to make it look like I'm flat strap.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
Daughter Unit was telling me about a girl in her year, who was always spoiled ever since they were together at Primary School - iPhone at 11, acrylic nails at 12, stacks of makeup etc.
Anyway this little cow ran off the rails a bit with her parents, who were always off travelling and leaving her with the aunt anyway, and she's been kicked out. Vapes, drinks stacks of red bull, and now there's a little bitch feud going on with her former best frenemy who is also a toxic bint. But it isn't happening face to face, oh no - these days they're making TikToks about each other
Yep. Unfortunately I know how quickly everything can be snuffed out. We only get one shot at all this. Why waste life on something that isn’t important or doesn’t give you any joy. That’s I think where women and men differ. And sex is a good example.
A friend of mine got divorced because the intimacy in his marriage died. Everything else was fine. For those who are going through the same issue I'd ask you one question: For how long are you prepared to forego that in your life?
Actually another question: How would you feel if after years your partner decides she isn't happy either and the solution for her is starting again somewhere else?
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
You’ve always been a grumpy bugger 😏Not sure if 40s is old but it certainly sometimes feels like it.
I'm just jealous of all these little pricks with no responsibility and their European holiday experiences n shit.
It just astounds me how women can get so hung up on stuff and just completely block their partners out. I have a crazy stressful life as well, but I’ll always make time. What is a relationship without intimacy? A friendship? No thanks.
I think it is evolutionary - once the provider has been secured, the effort drops away. A mate of mine is up to his third wife, but comes from money so had a pre-nup in place in each case. He basically said to each one of them that there are standards and that he's not demanding, just has needs.
There is stress in everyone's life, but really think about what is important, yeah? Nobody on their deathbed will regret not spending more time at their desk.
I've impressed on both kids that while this mantra of Happyness they're getting sold is total bullshit, neither should they judge their own self worth on the word of others. If their school results aren't great, I don't actually care, while the wife goes mental because that's how she lives her life. My HSC result was well below par and I still earn as much as her. I don't kill myself at work, but know enough to make it look like I'm flat strap.
But looks like your kids are great and that’s awesome. It isn’t easy navigating the ridiculous world we now inhabit. Smart phones and social media are an absolute curse.
Daughter Unit was telling me about a girl in her year, who was always spoiled ever since they were together at Primary School - iPhone at 11, acrylic nails at 12, stacks of makeup etc.
Anyway this little cow ran off the rails a bit with her parents, who were always off travelling and leaving her with the aunt anyway, and she's been kicked out. Vapes, drinks stacks of red bull, and now there's a little bitch feud going on with her former best frenemy who is also a toxic bint. But it isn't happening face to face, oh no - these days they're making TikToks about each other
Yep. Unfortunately I know how quickly everything can be snuffed out. We only get one shot at all this. Why waste life on something that isn’t important or doesn’t give you any joy. That’s I think where women and men differ. And sex is a good example.
A friend of mine got divorced because the intimacy in his marriage died. Everything else was fine. For those who are going through the same issue I'd ask you one question: For how long are you prepared to forego that in your life?
Actually another question: How would you feel if after years your partner decides she isn't happy either and the solution for her is starting again somewhere else?
That’s the thing isn’t it. Do you hang around hoping it will all fix itself in the end or do you cut your losses and try to start again? And if you start again are you likely to find more happiness or companionship? It isn’t easy.
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@mariner4life yeah absolutely gagging to get home sometime, I think probably a lot driven by the olds getting pretty ancient and me being a distant bugger, the thought of missing out on spending time with them again scares the shit outta me. To the point where I've occasionally had thoughts of chucking it all in and heading back to start again.
Holding out hope for getting back later this year for a decent amount of time.
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@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
but then got a book entitled “Brewing beers like those you buy
I'll have to look that up. I have a wine-making book with a similar name written by a professor of food science at Reading University. Use his "Red Burgundy" recipe using blackberries and it's really good.
Not a huge beer drinker but a decent kit, say Woodfordes, is worth paying a little more for - the stuff seems to go down well with those who know their beer. Which I don't.
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@victor-meldrew I don't think it is in print anymore but might be available via one of the interweb's book stores.
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@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew I don't think it is in print anymore but might be available via one of the interweb's book stores.
Just ordered. £5.99 on Amazon.
Mrs Meldrew: "Well that's the summer sorted for you then...."
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I've run this page through some sentiment analysis programs and the exec summary for happiness is:
get more action (don't marry a career woman or a psych major with unresolved issues), enjoy your rugby, and brew your own beer. -
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew I don't think it is in print anymore but might be available via one of the interweb's book stores.
Just ordered. £5.99 on Amazon.
Mrs Meldrew: "Well that's the summer sorted for you then...."
Brilliant! By the time you source the equipment and ingredients your first batch should be ready by the time lockdown has eased and travel is acceptable. As a related point I enjoy Wadworths 6X and Fullers London Pride.
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@victor-meldrew Oh and a quick tip, if you intend to use a Baby Burco for boiling everything up in, get one without an exposed element.
Happiness Scale