Parenting
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@taniwharugby it's such a shit period of life to learn about friendship, trust etc. on top of everything else kids have to learn.
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Teenagers are little fluffybunnies.
The Boy has had a rough trot in early high school because of his insecurity and anxiety, having made some social errors in his first 2 years (ages 13-15). Felt like he was isolated etc. Doesn't help himself by latching onto one or two friends to the point of being cloying.
Some of the braindead little shitwads at his school don't help. Part of it is just the teenage hormone bully shit, but part of it is that they're genuine little cocks whose parents are also cocks.
The last year or so he's gone through some shit with girls and mostly taken it out on us, but that dam finally broke last year. Right now at almost-17 he seems pretty happy - got his subjects sorted out for the HSC and he's enjoying everything he picked (except English right now because The Great Gatsby which I fully understand).
He's sort of accepting now that he's someone who values small friendship circles highly - much like me - and getting a sense of achievement for himself rather than the praise of others - much like me.
I've taken him out for nearly 10 hours of driving practice so far and while it isn't good for the cardiac side of things
I think he's really valuing a life skill , despite putting it off for nearly a year. -
@taniwharugby sounds like you're doing everything you can mate, Jnr is lucky to have the parents he does.
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Teenagers are little fluffybunnies.
Amen to that.
Also, NZZP Jr just wandered around tonight with his friends sporting an honest to god Aaron Smith topknot which his lady friend helped him put together.
Not only that, he actually carried it off. I. Have. No. Words.
Image below:
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@nzzp ugh.
The Boy is growing his hair out. Little fucker. Kind of suits his whole Spanish-guitar muso vibe.
Bald me fucking hates it. Jealous.
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@nzzp That is fucking awesome....
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@nzzp I'm down with the kids.
no wait
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@nzzp ugh.
The Boy is growing his hair out. Little fucker. Kind of suits his whole Spanish-guitar muso vibe.
Bald me fucking hates it. Jealous.
Let him do it while he can!
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@antipodean and in hindsight we have realised alot of his behaviour and slipping in school work probably started around the time he ad this boy became mates just after lockdown.
Just have to let them learn and hope the road ain't too bumpy.
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I've taken him out for nearly 10 hours of driving practice so far and while it isn't good for the cardiac side of things
I think he's really valuing a life skill , despite putting it off for nearly a year.Good luck! We're still alive and kind if still like each other.
More shortly ...
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@antipodean said in Parenting:
@nzzp ugh.
The Boy is growing his hair out. Little fucker. Kind of suits his whole Spanish-guitar muso vibe.
Bald me fucking hates it. Jealous.
Let him do it while he can!
This
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
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@booboo we use Life 360 and have since the Boy started high school.
In that way, they're kind of used to it. Mostly because they can track us as well.
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But I think there is a subscription? Mrs TA handles it
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@booboo Balancing the creepy/intrusion of privacy thing v looking after your kids welfare is a tricky one and I guess will come down to how often you monitor them, what for and when. No such apps available when the Ms Catos were younger but I had no qualms about reading their texts and such like. I rarely called them out on anything but I was usually aware if there was any trouble brewing and knew how to react. So, use it but be careful how you use it would be my advice.
Good luck!
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
I think this stuff is fine for the early years, then ever-more creepy afterwards. Every kid/parent has to draw that line somewhere based on their friendship group, maturity, lifestyle etc.
That said, did any parent ever look back and say "you know , I should have given my kid just a little bit more freedom"? They have their whole lives to be as free as they want, thats what Uni prepares them for. Until then, we live in protect mode.
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
I think this stuff is fine for the early years, then ever-more creepy afterwards. Every kid/parent has to draw that line somewhere based on their friendship group, maturity, lifestyle etc.
That said, did any parent ever look back and say "you know , I should have given my kid just a little bit more freedom"? They have their whole lives to be as free as they want, thats what Uni prepares them for. Until then, we live in protect mode.
Depends on how the parent uses it. If you just use the ability to check when calls aren't answered or deadlines aren't met and you tell her that's what you will do in those situations then fine. Set the boundaries and expectations for both sides.
I have tracking on the wife and my phone simply as a safety thing. Did it when overseas as she traveled alot and is a shocker at both getting lost and answering calls. We both know it's there and the reasons/times it would get used -
iOS Find My app is free if you are all in on Apple ecosystem. Lets you track location if it's ever necessary.
We are just adjusting to the kids having phones, as they go out with their friends now and I'm the Dad Taxi.
I tell them that I can read everything and check their internet usage, and set my expectations of how to use it. I think I've checked once, very early on with the boy.
Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ... :|
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ... :|
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ... :|
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
The Boy is Android, The Girl is Apple. So I let her Mum deal with the iOS controls bullshit and have the Google Mesh deal with anything else on our network.
It isn't anywhere near flawless - he can still cruise for illicit shit on 4G if he wants - but I realised long ago that I get more value out of projecting my IT credentials to them as I do putting in the actual work. They'll find a way if they want it.
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ... :|
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
The Boy is Android, The Girl is Apple. So I let her Mum deal with the iOS controls bullshit and have the Google Mesh deal with anything else on our network.
It isn't anywhere near flawless - he can still cruise for illicit shit on 4G if he wants - but I realised long ago that I get more value out of projecting my IT credentials to them as I do putting in the actual work. They'll find a way if they want it.
Yeah, that's the conversation I had with the wife. It's like trying to stop water falling through a sieve. Have to teach them how to use these things safely.
Kids know never to give our their name, age, school details or address, anything like that.
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my kids think I can do waaay more checking up on them than I can.
Our internet provider (Nova) dont give you the flexibility to go into the router settings to specify access on certain devices, kids dont know that as I used to have it on the old one, and were enough occasions thier wifi access stopped that they do get off in a 'reasonable' timeframe of when they are supposed to.
Kids have limited data so putting location on thier phones uses thier data, biggest issue with my kids (mainly Miss 12) is that she often goes out with her friends with ph on <20% and then it goes flat, so locating her wont work anyway!
