No kids, any regrets?
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Apologies if this has been discussed but I am interested to hear from those who chose not to have children and how the decision is sitting with you the older you get.
My wife and I chose very early not to have children, mainly due to some inheritable health issues we didn't want to pass on. I suspect we would not have had children either way as my wife never really wanted children. I had the snip very young, I think I was 27 and the doctor remarked I was the youngest he had done.
I am in my 40's now and sometimes reflect on how my life would have been with children. In a selfish way I wonder what old age will be like when I lose my partner, or she loses me. I am very fortunate that I have 9 nieces and nephews, so my siblings did their part to keep the world crowded.
I feel slightly guilty at the financial freedom and spare time I have and I feel a bit of resentment from siblings who are constantly stressed and in financial difficulty.
For those without kids, what were your reasons and how are you finding it?
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@chimoaus We had a crack at having them with no success and we chose not to do IVF and just not have kids. I think my mum is gutted about it the most.
I don't know where I'm at mentally with the decision. Sometimes I think I would have liked to have kids but that is very fleeting. I may think about it every couple of years.
I enjoy the freedoms of not having kids but can understand that I am also missing out on something very special that comes with being a human.
I would never gloat about the freedom of not having kids.
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@Hooroo Thanks for sharing, yes can be tough that is for sure. The wife had some big regrets in her 30's when friends etc were having kids, but now we are past that age it's not really an issue. We couldn't bring ourselves to tell the MIL at the time, she took it pretty hard. My mum was ok as she already had plenty of grandkids.
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Decided early on in a fleeting moment of honest self reflection and determined I wasn't emotionally mature enough to raise a child well despite female friends assuring me I'd make a great dad based on how I interacted with kids. Time went by and found a partner who wasn't interested in having kids either. Haven't regretted it.
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo Thanks for sharing, yes can be tough that is for sure. The wife had some big regrets in her 30's when friends etc were having kids, but now we are past that age it's not really an issue. We couldn't bring ourselves to tell the MIL at the time, she took it pretty hard. My mum was ok as she already had plenty of grandkids.
The only "gloat" time is when I catch up with a bunch of mates and their families and we have a massive bbq late into the night and having to see/hear them deal with their kids first thing the next morning.
I generally smile and roll over for some more sleep
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
I would never gloat about the freedom of not having kids.
Having had them, I would
I was reading your posts in the parenting thread and I think that would be the part I'm missing out on. Helping/moulding someone to make the right decisions. Then I read TR's post about the potential for gangs to be at a party and I was like nah F*** that!! I would stress balls
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Interesting thread. I’ve always wanted kids, but still didn’t have them until I was in my mid thirties.
That said, I don’t think just because I wanted them everybody should. If you are happy, then you made the right decision.
Sounds like you have the best of both worlds, with family having them instead. Hop those kids up on sugar and exit stage left!
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parenting is fucking hard. And anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or neglecting them
They create a shit load of work. They cost a lot of money. The up your stress levels and seriously affect your mood.
Then you are always worried if you are giving them enough. Enough time? enough emotional support? enough discipline? enough rope? Are you building good members of society. or are you failing them? Are we bonded? Are my kids the only ones like this? It's constant mental stress
They are also enormous handbrakes from allowing you to do what you want to do. Especially if you like doing things with your partner, or aren't a selfish asshole.
The decision not to have them should never, ever be looked down upon
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
You are on a whole different timetable with kids mate; theirs!
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@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
I was reading your posts in the parenting thread and I think that would be the part I'm missing out on. Helping/moulding someone to make the right decisions. Then I read TR's post about the potential for gangs to be at a party and I was like nah F*** that!! I would stress balls
Here's the thing: kids are a form of immortality plan.
You see the best of yourself in them, which you'd selfishly like to think reflects your personal glory to others you'll never meet.
But you also know that can happen for the worst traits or behaviours you see in yourself.
You try to guide them, but like you, it is lived experience that counts. So they don't always listen.
There is a sense of constant worry about whether they'll be OK (gangs, random fluffybunnies with knives, car accidents, drinking, drugs, etc) and so you get an understanding of what your parents were going through - even if they never showed it like my Mum the nurse who liked to pretend nothing could get to her.
Ultimately you try to get them to download everything useful but you also need to let them go. This is something Mrs TA is having trouble with, which is understandable given the bond created by carrying them around for months. It is different to my relationship with them.
Women raise children.
Men raise adults.That's how I explain it.
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
Or where they sit.
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
And when they DO finally get in the car, they fight over who took longer...
Or where they sit.
Nah easy for me: because I'm taller than the wife unit, the boy sits behind her as I put my seat riiiiiight back. Fuck 'im.
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
You will never be the parent you thought you'd be, because the kids aren't the kids you thought you'd have!
