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@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
I think I have turned her down only a handful of times in 25 years
I have never, ever turned it down and reading this thread I am really glad!
i have, to make a point. i fucking hated myself. what a dipshit.
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@mariner4life my age it might not work again
Plus for reasons outlined earlier in this thread I suffered a ten year drought so got to make up for lost time...
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@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life my age it might not work again
Plus for reasons outlined earlier in this thread I suffered a ten year drought so got to make up for lost time...
oh, i have not repeated the mistake
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
I think I have turned her down only a handful of times in 25 years
I have never, ever turned it down and reading this thread I am really glad!
i have, to make a point. i fucking hated myself. what a dipshit.
Did it once, on principle - she had been out with her hot divorced friend and came home raring to go. But she was on the bleed.
The principle I was trying to enforce was, if I wanted it and she knocked me back because she was on the bleed, then I should take the same stance.
Idiot.
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Also: please stop with the bullshit pretense that you aren't looking at other men. At the same time, don't get the shits with me looking at other women.
Sure, the physical side isn't that important to you, except when Chris Hemsworth appears without a shirt on and I have to go get a mop. Seriously.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
I think she takes the few of - happy husband happy life. It goes both ways.
try reading the comments of anny article on social media where a husband wants more sex. it's actually fucking depressing. there appear to be a huge number of women out there who just don't think it's important. that their body is sacrosanct. and any man should be happy with whatever they are "allowed".
It's actually sad that these women don't seem to want to fuck their men any more.
"oh he needs to put in effort" which normally means "no not that effort, this other effort on top of all the other effort" while also ignoring the fact that constant refusal actually wears people down to the point where trying is too hard.
To be fair in hindsight picking a partner who probably wasn't really into sex in the first place was on me. It is hard to realise at the time how important it is, and how attractive it is when someone willingly wants it and genuinely enjoys it. These days its probably just easier to self administer, but the personal connection is not there. I'm sure it would be the same if you resorted to an independent contractor as well
Not always easy to tell if they’re into sex longtime. Seems to be the norm that it’s all guns blazing in the early days then service is closed when the relationship is a done deal. That ain’t good.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
I think she takes the few of - happy husband happy life. It goes both ways.
try reading the comments of anny article on social media where a husband wants more sex. it's actually fucking depressing. there appear to be a huge number of women out there who just don't think it's important. that their body is sacrosanct. and any man should be happy with whatever they are "allowed".
It's actually sad that these women don't seem to want to fuck their men any more.
"oh he needs to put in effort" which normally means "no not that effort, this other effort on top of all the other effort" while also ignoring the fact that constant refusal actually wears people down to the point where trying is too hard.
To be fair in hindsight picking a partner who probably wasn't really into sex in the first place was on me. It is hard to realise at the time how important it is, and how attractive it is when someone willingly wants it and genuinely enjoys it. These days its probably just easier to self administer, but the personal connection is not there. I'm sure it would be the same if you resorted to an independent contractor as well
Not always easy to tell if they’re into sex longtime. Seems to be the norm that it’s all guns blazing in the early days then service is closed when the relationship is a done deal. That ain’t good.
And its more common than many would probably let on, considering how some of my mates head off to the strippy for a lappy given the chance on a boy's weekend
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@junior said in Happiness Scale:
I once told my dad I was feeling a bit anxious about my financial situation and that it was affecting my relationship. He called me a poof and told me to harden up. He then swiftly moved the conversation on to the rugby. Good times.
After the wife and I got our first house back in 2000 - and could barely afford that - my parents came to visit.
We were having a few drinks and started talking about lottery wins. I magnanimously said that if we won, we'd pay the house off, then I'd pay Mum and Dad back for the university costs they supported directly. Much poo-pooing of the idea and not to worry about it.
"So, Dad, if you won the lottery what would you give us?"
He looked puzzled. "But if I gave you a big pile of money, you wouldn't learn anything"
I was waiting for the outburst of laughter from either parent, indicating the nature of the joke, but it never came.
When I look back at some of the financial decisions they made through my earlier life, I came to realise they were both pretty shit with money, and that's why, when they argued - very rarely - it was the central topic.
my wife has decided that any lotto win needs to be at least 10-15m...because by the time we help out all the siblings and close friend with mortgages we wouldn't have much left to live it up...im like...2-3m and I could make it work
edit: sorry...hadn't read far enough to see we'd moved on
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@canefan oh hell yeah. Have been down this road a fair bit - before our latest arrival (and having kids just puts a pause on heaps of this) I actually stumped up and wrote the missus a letter. Was pretty clear about what was going on from my perspective and the impact. I don't just want to have sex, I want an interested and enthusiastic partner, otherwise it's just an apathetic pity root.
We'd had good chats in the past but the same old routines just came back and while I admire your patience/resilence @chimoaus I felt a bit of myself dying if I just stopped initiating.
It's especially shit when you vibe well in all or most other areas of life and your relationship. I found a lot of good ideas on reddit - 'deadbedroom' or similar is grim fucking reading but there are happy endings (sorry!) in a lot of cases.I wasn't amazed but it was interesting how much was health related, or just a clear case of terrible communication by both parties.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
Its just not fun when there isn't much action and when there is its just keen to be over
this thread is constantly heart breaking
It is...but also one of the best thread on here, regularly making me feel slightly better in just knowing im not alone and "it" (whatever it might be) might not by my fault
really resonating with several of you as you'll see from my "likes"
thanks again @voodoo
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@Kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
my wife has decided that any lotto win needs to be at least 10-15m...because by the time we help out all the siblings and close friend with mortgages we wouldn't have much left to live it up...im like...2-3m and I could make it work
Was watching a show here called Insight and it was speaking to people who had come into a windfall - a lot of people reckon it changed everyone else more than it changed them. Suddenly relatives are coming out of the woodwork and asking for help.
One of them who was still well off said that it was important to sit back and make a plan, and another who had blown the lot agreed.
So I put a spreadsheet together of what I'd do in rough numbers - starting with "Immediate Family" then "Wider Family" then "Every Other Bastard".
- First million is mortgage (pay off or offset/equity), boosting our superannuation a bit, and putting a deposit on a rental property (negative gear worst case).
- Second million is refitting the house to be more efficient - therefore reducing running costs, more investments (another rental + annuity), an EV, as well as a fair chunk of overseas travel.
- Third million is pure investment - property, annuity, shares, managed fund, term deposit etc. which will be used in part to give the kids a leg up
- Fourth million is family - parents, each of our brothers - and one friend who is like a sister to us.
At that point, I'm almost out of things to spend it on. You take 2-3 investment properties + annuity + term deposits and shares and you've got enough income without having to pay too much tax.
Of course I kept going
and in the subsequent tranches there is more friends, donations to charity, a bit of an upgrade for the rugby club, then wind farms and solar farm investments etc.If I get to 8M then we build a clubhouse and I start to think about seating! Maybe that'll be a pain point on the marriage
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@Kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
my wife has decided that any lotto win needs to be at least 10-15m...because by the time we help out all the siblings and close friend with mortgages we wouldn't have much left to live it up...im like...2-3m and I could make it work
Was watching a show here called Insight and it was speaking to people who had come into a windfall - a lot of people reckon it changed everyone else more than it changed them. Suddenly relatives are coming out of the woodwork and asking for help.
One of them who was still well off said that it was important to sit back and make a plan, and another who had blown the lot agreed.
So I put a spreadsheet together of what I'd do in rough numbers - starting with "Immediate Family" then "Wider Family" then "Every Other Bastard".
- First million is mortgage (pay off or offset/equity), boosting our superannuation a bit, and putting a deposit on a rental property (negative gear worst case).
- Second million is refitting the house to be more efficient - therefore reducing running costs, more investments (another rental + annuity), an EV, as well as a fair chunk of overseas travel.
- Third million is pure investment - property, annuity, shares, managed fund, term deposit etc. which will be used in part to give the kids a leg up
- Fourth million is family - parents, each of our brothers - and one friend who is like a sister to us.
At that point, I'm almost out of things to spend it on. You take 2-3 investment properties + annuity + term deposits and shares and you've got enough income without having to pay too much tax.
Of course I kept going
and in the subsequent tranches there is more friends, donations to charity, a bit of an upgrade for the rugby club, then wind farms and solar farm investments etc.If I get to 8M then we build a clubhouse and I start to think about seating! Maybe that'll be a pain point on the marriage
You seem to have missed out "trip to 2023 RWC, shouting internet mates from the Fern " in error...
I have assumed its somewhere between the 1st and 2nd mill...
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@Paekakboyz The thing is I can initiate with myself whenever I want, sex for me is all about her getting a happy ending, hard for them to achieve that if they don't want it in the first place. I would much rather have sex when she is a willing an active participant as opposed to her just taking it for my benefit.
I am curious how things will change in the future with dolls, AI, VR and technology. I suspect one day the experience will be very close to the real thing.
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@voodoo said in Happiness Scale:
You seem to have missed out "trip to 2023 RWC, shouting internet mates from the Fern " in error...
I have assumed its somewhere between the 1st and 2nd mill...
The "chunk of overseas travel" could be reapportioned
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@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
Another thing which works in our house is we have a whiteboard for short term and long-term tasks that need doing. She can write things on the board she needs help with, and I can visually see what is on her mind or what I can assist with.
1 can be short term or long term that you could help with.
2 just involves pussy. -
I am convinced we are not meant to be monogamous and much of the frustration we feel and the lack of action we may get stems from boredom. There is research out there that suggest females get bored with their partner sooner than men do.
Maybe swingers are on to something...
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@Crazy-Horse I'm absolutely fine if she wants to bring her hot divorced friend in to spice things up.
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@Crazy-Horse said in Happiness Scale:
I am convinced we are not meant to be monogamous and much of the frustration we feel and the lack of action we may get stems from boredom. There is research out there that suggest females get bored with their partner sooner than men do.
Maybe swingers are on to something...
the problem is the delicate balance between ego and self confidence.
Happiness Scale
