-
@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
The most dangerous risk of all - the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.
That was me. When my wife got ill I worked very fucking hard to clear the mortgage in six years which made sense but then I kept it up. 80 hour weeks no holidays for a decade and a caregiver all with the misguided ambition of retiring at 55. The way I was going I wasn't going to get to 55.
Then the opportunity came to charter a yacht round the greek islands and it changed my life. Helped by the GFC happening while I was sailing I guess. By the time I retire I'll have worked another decade but I'm alive and I have had some fun on the way - even allowing for the last two years
-
I hate this thread, well thats a lie, I find it therapeutic, I think I just find it difficult to process some of the shit that others go through and appear to be so resilient about it and then when reflecting on my wife and I and how we should be doing better.
January on a whole is a tough month mentally for her and she hates her job, but she likes the income and proximty to home, she would leave but has anxiety about finding another job. Its also the anniversary of my wifes Mothers death today which is another trigger of my wife's depression and also she is currently injured, so she cant exercise either so it gets worse.
So things not so great right now at home
Cant say I always like what I do either and I have terrible hours, probably need a long break (which would help both of us) and a change, but I like the money.
Some inspiring words in this thread, although putting it into practice isnt always so easy
...hoping to be more positive next time
-
@bayimports not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I find it's much easier to concentrate on small steps than the end picture. So anything that adds some happiness or enjoyment makes it easier to continue making small iterative changes that add up. And you never know what opportunities those may present.
-
@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@bayimports not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I find it's much easier to concentrate on small steps than the end picture. So anything that adds some happiness or enjoyment makes it easier to continue making small iterative changes that add up. And you never know what opportunities those may present.
The thing I like most about this thread is the contribution from all like yourself without trying to claim they are experts, just what has worked for them. I do appreciate all of it, hopefully I can get my head into a better space soon to help others as well
cheers
-
Iâm almost scared to write here for fear of jinxing shit but 2021 was actually a fucken great year for the potential future Mrs MN5 and I. We bought a beautiful house round the bay in the hills with sea views and weâre settling next month. Close to my boys who she adores ( and the feelings are mutual ) and will enable us both to have an awesome work/life balance as weâve both set out our schedules and work offices before even moving in. Home gym, wine cellar, growing veges and chillies, man cave, movie roomâŚâŚ.Iâm gonna be a pig in shit.
Holiday booked in Coromandel next month AND in April, life doesnât get sweeter. For the second one my ex wife, her hubby, all the kids etc are comingâŚâŚsounds like a recipe for disaster but the girls will go shopping while the boys sink piss at the brewery. Iâll sit back while my ex wife berates her hubby for being drunk and simply tell him Iâve âbeen there palââŚ.then both women will turn on me and tell me how hopeless I am at shit as they always doâŚâŚhopefully Mum and Dad ( also there ) stick up for meâŚ.whichever way it goes weâll all have a drink and a laugh.
Iâve had some absolute fluffybunnies of years in the past but Iâve plowed through and Iâm so grateful things are working out for me now. For anyone doing it tough hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel and whatever other cliche floats your boat. Donât sweat the small stuff.
Thanks for being here to talk shit with ferners, I do appreciate it.
-
@mn5 absolutely magic mate, well done. Adversity breeds toughness... Great to have a good one after pushing through.
21 was an incredibly tough year. Great chance to show resilience, but one of those years where shit news just kept on arriving.
Fern is great for venting. Long may it last
-
I'm at an interesting point in my life, my job is good, apparently I'm good at my job (internally and externally) I love the team we have there, we all get on well, such an awesome crew, but I also look and think what else could I do?
I've been in the same industry now for >20 years, I would never go out on my own in my industry, it'd be too much of a battle being a one man band up against all the big boys, not to mention there'd be a restraint on me in regard to my existing clients; I've always thought if I leave this job, I will exit the industry, but to what, fucked if I know.
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step, therefore I'm not sure leaving a job I like with people I really like to work for someone else would be a good step.
2021 was a bitch, I hated every moment of lockdowns last year and has had a knock on effect to me since.
My happy place is the gym right now, I wreck myself there and fucking love it.
Mrs TR and I are strong as always, feels like the kids are turning the corner form the cretins they have been for a while and I worry more for thier futures than I do mine, more what the world will be like for them when I think what I was upto at thier age to the next 5-10, and its not just covid, its more the way kids seem (maybe its just mine) in regard to technology and thier inability to hold real conversations with one another.
Financially, things are tough presently, but its more a series of unfortunate events that got us here, as always, we'll be right, but thats probably another factor in keeping me at my job, given I'm not a huge risk taker when it comes to finances (mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
BUt when I look at my life, what I have, I know how lucky we are (obviously worked hard for it too) and shouldnt complain too much knowing how much the past 2 years has fucked with so many other peoples lives.
Using the SF movie scale in regard to my happiness, right now I'm giving it 7 its on the way back up out of 10 fuck 2020/2021
-
@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
(mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
Amateur. If you don't have a stupid Sydney mortgage that will run until the late 2040s are you even trying, bro?
Seriously tho 10 years sounds about right, pending the necessary windfall. If I paid the house off I don't know what I'd do TBH - while I'd love Mrs TA to quit work as a first order of business, I don't really think she could live without being frantic about something.
Her grandparents are 2 years or more in the grave. Her Uncle has gotten his money and fucked off. Her brother's divorce is final after 3 years and he's finally enjoying a bit of "me" time to go fishing with his mates.
All that's left is for her Mum to succumb to dementia and .... and, well, she'll find something else to wind herself up about beyond reasonable limits.
@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step,
Agreed - if you've worked for others I reckon it is a tough step. I'm a bit risk-averse as well, which is why I haven't moved companies for nearly 15 years, tho I've had multiple roles in that time.
The only thing that might appeal is to get mortgage free and then set up an AirBnB in the right place. Tiny house eco hippie ethically sourced cabins for rich fluffybunnies with too much money and a penchant for tiny meals at the local restaurant I'd invest in. Stick a couple of wind turbines up the hill and solar + batteries on a couple of container houses off-grid somewhere.
-
@nta ha, like most people you dream and wonder what you'd do if you won the lottery, even a million would be life changing for us, kill the mortgage and have a huge chunk left to do what we want with.
I'd always thought I'd keep working in some capacity, but during lockdowns, I though fuck that, I'd def be as retired as I could afford!
It is highly likely TR Jnr will finish school at end of this year, I think its Year 12 (form 6) so that will see huge changes to our lifestyle, the fact we can adult when we want and not have to worry about babysitters is so good. Him being on his learners right now is a huge burden though, from 20 Dec to 12 Jan he had 3 days he didnt work, so that meant we couldnt do shit over that period and were running him to work, then to parties after, then pick him up...to work in morning, rinse, repeat.
-
@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
I'm at an interesting point in my life, my job is good, apparently I'm good at my job (internally and externally) I love the team we have there, we all get on well, such an awesome crew, but I also look and think what else could I do?
I've been in the same industry now for >20 years, I would never go out on my own in my industry, it'd be too much of a battle being a one man band up against all the big boys, not to mention there'd be a restraint on me in regard to my existing clients; I've always thought if I leave this job, I will exit the industry, but to what, fucked if I know.
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step, therefore I'm not sure leaving a job I like with people I really like to work for someone else would be a good step.
2021 was a bitch, I hated every moment of lockdowns last year and has had a knock on effect to me since.
My happy place is the gym right now, I wreck myself there and fucking love it.
Mrs TR and I are strong as always, feels like the kids are turning the corner form the cretins they have been for a while and I worry more for thier futures than I do mine, more what the world will be like for them when I think what I was upto at thier age to the next 5-10, and its not just covid, its more the way kids seem (maybe its just mine) in regard to technology and thier inability to hold real conversations with one another.
Financially, things are tough presently, but its more a series of unfortunate events that got us here, as always, we'll be right, but thats probably another factor in keeping me at my job, given I'm not a huge risk taker when it comes to finances (mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
BUt when I look at my life, what I have, I know how lucky we are (obviously worked hard for it too) and shouldnt complain too much knowing how much the past 2 years has fucked with so many other peoples lives.
Using the SF movie scale in regard to my happiness, right now I'm giving it 7 its on the way back up out of 10 fuck 2020/2021
Absolutely this. Choose what you wanna do and smash itâŚâŚpowerlifting, bodybuilding, boxing, even cycling or running ( shudder )âŚâŚ.
The pheromones from nailing a good workout are awesome.
-
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@majorrage said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
Oh and when youâre down in Devon be sure to catch up with @Victor-Meldrew heâs not far away đ
Yeah, but only if he knows how to put the jam on his scones.
Euphemism?
Regardless, itâs unlikely Iâll know it.
Big debate between Devon and Cornwall on whether it's jam then clotted cream on scones or the other way around when you have cream teas...
Pleased you've got your plans for 2022 sorted. We're on hold - again - which is seriously pissing me off. That, coupled with my irrational but deep hatred of January and February, has put me in a bit of a shit place. Know what I need to do to get out of it, but can't be arsed. It will pass.
Oddly enough, and I know this won't last, Jan & Feb have gotten off to a p pretty decent start here. Quite a few cloudless days, makes it cold as hell, but I'll take that anyway over drizzle misery.
-
@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
Work has been a big struggle for me recently. I have 8 years until I have to retire. Driving in to work every day I wonder how the hell I am going to get through the next 8 hours, let alone the next 8 years. Once upon a time I looked forward to each shift.
I know there are at least a couple of posters on here that used to do the work I do so they may understand this a little, but the job has a way of sucking the life out of you. It has a way of eating it's own. You end up going home exhausted, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to make any decisions. You start seeing the 'bad' in everything and everybody. Partners start resenting you because you are not the same person.
I am lucky because Mrs Crazy does the same job as me, but many have no one to talk to who can understand, so they turn to alcohol and engage in risk taking. I have seen way too many colleagues have relationship break downs, some have killed themselves. Others have 'over reacted' at work and have faced the social isolation that comes with internal investigations.
I think the last couple of years have been harder for me because, like others have said, travel is something that I used to keep me sane.
I am in danger of wishing my life away. I can't wait for the shift to end, I can't wait for my days off, I can't wait to retire...
@Crazy-Horse ... something occurred to me reading somebody else's reply, or post (may have been @dogmeat , can't actually remember), but it's been building a bit of a reply inside my head which I suspect I'm going to articulate poorly but wax lyrical anyway ...
I understand entirely how your job jades you.
I
don'tcan't emphasise: I'm a Civil Engineer, not a cop, my job isn't dealing with violent criminals on a day to day basis.But I think I do understand.
I'd hate to have to deal with the scum in our society, and their victims, on a day to day basis.
But you have a major upside to your job and purpose in this life: you get to deal with the scum in our society and in doing so improve the life of their victims, and the rest of us by taking these dregs out of our lives.
Maybe you don't get them all, and that makes you sad. Don't blame you.
Maybe you get so exposed to the bad you forget there's good (log on to the Fern... well remind you).
We've all got upsides to our job (me: improving the safety of an intersection, or improving the quality of your drinking water, or improving your flood immunity - none of which compares with the good outcomes of your job), and the less satisfying (me: making some developer richer ...).
But I think your upsides are really cool and I respect you so much for doing it.
Hope you stick at it and it doesn't grind you down too much
-
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@jc said in Happiness Scale:
I think for many of us who donât have kids the only thing we can pass on is what we know, and the place we do that mostly is at work. If you take that away whatâs left?
For those of us with kids the empty nest looks like a similar situation. My wife looks like she is struggling with the mere prospect of it happening, and our kids are a long way from being financially independent enough to actually move out.
Empty nest within a month. Mrs Boo and MBJ on verge of tears if they dare think too much. Me: nah.
-
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
fuck holidays are important. Pretty sure in this very thread you will find a post from me in June last year about how calm and centered i felt after a week in the outback. fast forward to December and i had lost my fucking mind
Once again a couple of weeks unplugged and i feel fucking great.
We've optimistically booked Fiji for April with the kids. Barossa in June sans kids. Nothing too outrageous, both hopefully doable.
We found a part of Hobart both Mrs Mariner and i would have loooved to live. We had consumed a pint or 3 each, so we looked for jobs (well, hers is easy) and found a house. Kids weren't so keen. And when i sobered up i remembered winter in Wellington... but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...
God, the height of summer (2019) and Hobart was too cold for me. Loved Tassie. Starting to plan another trip. But couldn't live there.
-
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
people who put the jam above the cream are an abomination in the eyes of the lord, and should be driven from the face of the earth with fire and fury
Eh? WeirdoSorry misread that. Carry on.
-
@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
That, coupled with my irrational but deep hatred of January and February
There is nothing irrational about hating the depths of winter. I'm the same with July / August here. I don't mind the cold it's the sunlight deprivation. I did 13 winters i n Europe. I don't think I could now. It's why travel is so important. When the days start drawing in I usually console myself that in a few weeks I will be in some shithole of a bar in the mid 30's and 95% humidity. My sort of place
It's the build up to and Christmas & New Year which is great here (log fires, cold mornings, family etc) but when that ends it's "Well, what now?"
It normally lasts about week before I start doing stuff and get myself into a better place, but this year it's as though I can't be arsed. It's not helped by PF in my foot which is taking an age to shift.
-
@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
people who put the jam above the cream are an abomination in the eyes of the lord, and should be driven from the face of the earth with fire and fury
Eh? WeirdoSorry misread that. Carry on.
No, youâre right. That is weird.
-
@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
fuck holidays are important. Pretty sure in this very thread you will find a post from me in June last year about how calm and centered i felt after a week in the outback. fast forward to December and i had lost my fucking mind
Once again a couple of weeks unplugged and i feel fucking great.
We've optimistically booked Fiji for April with the kids. Barossa in June sans kids. Nothing too outrageous, both hopefully doable.
We found a part of Hobart both Mrs Mariner and i would have loooved to live. We had consumed a pint or 3 each, so we looked for jobs (well, hers is easy) and found a house. Kids weren't so keen. And when i sobered up i remembered winter in Wellington... but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...
God, the height of summer (2019) and Hobart was too cold for me. Loved Tassie. Starting to plan another trip. But couldn't live there.
Hahaha. After two days in the Tamar Valley sightseeing, eating great food and drinking some fantastic wines in magnificent weather I said to Mrs Antipodean it was a place I could stay. Then day three's weather rolled in. No thanks.
-
@bayimports said in Happiness Scale:
I hate this thread, well thats a lie, I find it therapeutic, I think I just find it difficult to process some of the shit that others go through and appear to be so resilient about it and then when reflecting on my wife and I and how we should be doing better.
January on a whole is a tough month mentally for her and she hates her job, but she likes the income and proximty to home, she would leave but has anxiety about finding another job. Its also the anniversary of my wifes Mothers death today which is another trigger of my wife's depression and also she is currently injured, so she cant exercise either so it gets worse.
So things not so great right now at home
Cant say I always like what I do either and I have terrible hours, probably need a long break (which would help both of us) and a change, but I like the money.
Some inspiring words in this thread, although putting it into practice isnt always so easy
...hoping to be more positive next time
Listening & reading to what people have gone thru can be both inspiring and humbling but I think there's a small danger it can make the listener/reader feel inadequate when we all have our own way of dealing with life .
At the end of the day, there's no right way or wrong way of dealing with problems - just getting thru them is success. My oldest friend has had an unbelievable amount of shit thrown at her by life, but her response when people are astonished by her resilience is to say: "I'm only trying to hack my way thru life like anyone else". Wise words.
-
@junior said in Happiness Scale:
Good thread.
I have a great life. My wife is beautiful, kindhearted and good fun. My wife and I both have great jobs with a decent amount of flexibility, intellectual challenge and very good remuneration. We have a great apartment and I have a nice car. We never want for anything and eat out at nice places regularly. COVID-permitting, we can travel anywhere we want and stay pretty much wherever we want when we get there. We live near the beach in a part of the world where the sun shines all year round. We pay fuck all in taxes. I play golf every weekend with a great group of mates.
If you'd asked me 5 years ago what my perfect life would like, that's pretty much it.
But, to be honest, I'm feeling dissatisfied, restless, irritable and a little helpless. Wife and I are and have been for the past 2 year trying to start a family with very little success. The clock is ticking for her and so we have gone the IVF route, which has taken a real physical toll on her and even more of an emotional toll on us both. We've basically got one more roll of the dice before we give up and live our lives as a childless couple, the hardest part of which is watching my wife come to terms with losing a large part of her "purpose" in life. It's difficult for us both right now to see our many blessings, because the truth is we'd give up almost all of them just to have our own little family.
Still working out what this all actually means in terms of my overall happiness, but a few thoughts include (a) that happiness is a completely relative concept, (b) I may have been wrong about at truly makes me happy, and (c) your own happiness can be massively influenced by the happiness (or otherwise) of others.
With the thread having back to life, it's prompted a lot of reflection and a decision to re-read my first post to see what's changed and to see if I feel any different.
In my life, nothing really has changed. I still have the objectively charmed life described above (slightly more money on account of a mid-year salary increase). But, if I'm honest, I am even more miserable now than I was then.
Our last round(s) of IVF were unfortunately unsuccessful. This did not come as a great surprise - in fact, we had both resigned ourselves to this being inevitable, while at the same time being committed not to give up so long as we had the physical, financial and emotional ability to continue on the off-chance that we would be lucky enough to be blessed with a child (something we both really wanted).
The whole process was really such an emotionally draining experience - building up the determination and optimism to continue despite previous failure and the odds stacked against us, only to fail again - that I completely detached myself from the experience as a coping mechanism. As a result, I am completely lost as to the timelines, what happened when, what the outcome was on each occasion, the discussions had with and advice received from doctors etc.
Anyway, I think it must be about 6ish months since we stopped. Since then, we've both put the blinkers on and buried our heads in the sand. I think we are both still processing the whole awful experience, the outcome and what this means for the future. We therefore don't really discuss this together, and I don't know if we are even ready individually or as a couple to do so. I don't think I am. My wife may be, as demonstrated by her opening up to certain people over drinks at her work Xmas party while completely writing herself off (something which upset me quite a lot, given that the people concerned were not friends and have big mouths).
We had previously discussed what our "Plan C" might be for having kids in the inevitable case that IVF didn't work - we don't anymore. I don't think we currently have the energy or inclination to go through the ball ache of, for example, adoption or egg donation or even to talk about it. I don't think I even want kids anymore - probably more of a "if I can't have them, I don't want them" reaction in reality. Still, seeing friends pregnant or with young children makes me feel sick. Being around friends and their kids - particularly very young ones - is galling. Half the conversations they want to have is either about or hi-jacked by their kids.
The last 12 months at work have been tough. It's provided a convenient pretext to avoid thinking or talking about the personal things that need processing. But it's also considerably added to the malaise, as I've basically missed out on Xmas and New Years due to being so busy since at least October. Added to that is the fact that we couldn't travel either to her home or mine for Xmas because of work, which has made matters worse.
We have some light at the end of the tunnel, with a chance of a decent break in February. But all I want to do is go home and see my friends and family, which seems unlikely to happen. At the very least the chances of it getting canned at the last minute due to border closures seems high. Best case scenario it is going to be a logistical nightmare and cost a fuck ton of money.
You tell yourself that the reason you work hard is to have a nice life and build something for your future and your family. Well, if your future doesn't involve kids, what is the point of working your c#nt off now? I can still have the life I currently live by working about 75% as hard as I currently do.
If you can't use the rare times you get a break from work to travel and visit your friends and family, again what is the point of working your c#nt off in those other times? I would have much more free time and flexibility to take holidays at more convenient times by working about 75% as hard as I currently do.
Happiness Scale
