No kids, any regrets?
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also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
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I have a daughter who’s in her mid 20’s from a very short lived relationship ( 3 months but long enough). Have lost count how many times I’ve helped her move flats...
I currently have 2 more daughters ( I know right) with my wife, that didn’t happen till I was 38. They are currently 10 and 8.
We did suffer a mid carriage before we had them, twin boys, lost them at 18 weeks. Even now I think how differently our lives would would have turned out if they had survived. Twin boys, can you imagine it.Still I wouldn’t swap my girls for anything in the world... maybe except when they give me glimpses of what teenage girls are going to be like...
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
It never fucking stops either. Teenagers now and it still take an age to go anywhere.
having to be anywhere at a certain point in time is the absolute bane of my fucking existence. it's my job to get them to school, so i start every single day in a shit mood because the little fucks need to be told the same things every single fucking day. And even then they don't listen until i lose my shit.
See, even a cat coming in meowing that the sun is rising and none of us are on the way to set an ambush at the drinking hole can be greeted with immense irritation - I just never know what mood I'll be in. Things that don't work properly (like anything IT drives me insane). Kids give a false sense of competence as an uncle because for some reason they'll do what you ask the first time you ask.
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@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
All good, happy to hear from all. I have a feeling parents need somewhere to vent
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
I think the thing I notice most when I have the niece and nephew for a weekend is just how fucken long it takes to get in their car seats and ready to go. In my head I'm saying "Just get in the fucken seat and sit down, it's not that hard"
Oh man, I went to England last year to see my brother who was going to have a cancer op. Just wanted to give him a bit of support before the operation.
His two teenage kids are hopeless. Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving. I couldn't take it and after the 5th or 6th time I shouted "F***ing Hurry Up" My brother just laughed but I could tell that his misses wasn't happy.
They moved though, real quick.
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@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving.
Try getting them to do chores.
Anyway, for the benefit of you and @chimoaus : sliding doors.
While the obvious trope is to be (seethingly) jealous of your disposal income and free time and such, the reality isn't always that. As long as you've got someone in your life to have a laugh with, that is the main thing.
I take the point made above about someone to look after you in your old age, but quite frankly you've got the time and money to plan for that sort of shit so ...
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
also, have the parents just massively hijacked this thread? the OP specifically identified those without, and we are all piling in.
We have our own thread.
All good, happy to hear from all. I have a feeling parents need somewhere to vent
i'll take my rant to another thread
but there are a lot of times when i have an enormous amount of envy towards people who don't have kids. Most of it involves me not being able to do things i want to do. because i too can be a selfish asshole.
Mrs Mariner and I have wondered what our life would be like right now without children.
But, and here is the kicker, then something little will happen, like they'll snuggle up to you on the couch, or a conversation you have one-on-one with them in teh car, or they'll show some level of development, and those thoughts all disappear, and life without them becomes impossible to picture
i love those little assholes.
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@antipodean Yeah, I love being an uncle, I hope to be that person they can talk to as they get older about anything and not worry I'm going to tell their mum everything.
One nephew doesn't have a Dad so I like to be the male role model and hopefully show him how to treat woman properly etc.
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we decided not to have kids, mainly the wife. I think i always wanted them and managed to convince myself she would change her mind at some point....and never did
I kind of regret it, but then im not confident/arrogant enough to think i would just be able to give up the live we have and go and find someone new to love who wants kids
I do have real moments of doubt if would have been a good dad and i could see myself really struggling if i had chosen to be a dad and I hadnt been a good one and the only one that really suffers is the kid
so i live with my choice, at least im not f'ing up someone life with my choices
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving.
Try getting them to do chores.
Anyway, for the benefit of you and @chimoaus : sliding doors.
While the obvious trope is to be (seethingly) jealous of your disposal income and free time and such, the reality isn't always that. As long as you've got someone in your life to have a laugh with, that is the main thing.
I take the point made above about someone to look after you in your old age, but quite frankly you've got the time and money to plan for that sort of shit so ...
I became the cook while I was there, much to my brothers happiness, and after that shouting effort I found them reasonably helpful while I was around.
No-one is heavily on the "pro-kids" side of the argument so far
(Although I know all of you that have them wouldn't hav it any other way) -
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
No-one is heavily on the "pro-kids" side of the argument so far
(Although I know all of you that have them wouldn't hav it any other way)Mate they're bloody funny to have around at times. One day they'll be up and off on their own story so you've got to enjoy the good stuff and ride out the bad.
My daughter is an absolute gem, but I think forward to some fucking hipster wannabe trying to get into her pants and it makes me want to cut something.
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@antipodean Yeah, I love being an uncle, I hope to be that person they can talk to as they get older about anything and not worry I'm going to tell their mum everything.
One nephew doesn't have a Dad so I like to be the male role model and hopefully show him how to treat woman properly etc.
Yah I can see how for kids it helps to have that level of trust that they feel just uncomfortable enough to not raise those discussions with their parents.
I end up telling them what I'd do etc. and if it's something they should make their parents aware of they should speak to them. Most of the time I word their parents up anyway who know not to ruin an effective diplomatic backchannel.
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@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
No-one is heavily on the "pro-kids" side of the argument so far (Although I know all of you that have them wouldn't hav it any other way)
plenty of times I thnk woudl you little fluffybunnies just fuck right off and move out already...but yeah there is also alot of times I know it will break our hearts when they end up moving out!
Is bad enough now when I want to do stuff with them and they arent interested...
I dont think I would ever advocate someone to have kids, purely because you just dont know about thier circumstances, upbringing and all the other factors that lead us to being the adults (well kids in adult bodies) we are.
By the same token, if someone asled me if I loved being a parent, I'd say yep, most of the time.
My oldest turned 26 last month, but as he grew up with his mother in Dunedin (moved when he was 5) we havent seen as much of him as I would have liked over the years, so in that situation I think I have missed out...but I also know TR JNr at 15 and Miss is 12, I expect some rough years coming!
Oh, there wasnt drugs or gangs at the mates place last week, but yeah, makes oyu worry!!
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Hooroo said in No kids, any regrets?:
Need to be asked 3 or 4 times to get ready before they start moving.
Try getting them to do chores.
Anyway, for the benefit of you and @chimoaus : sliding doors.
While the obvious trope is to be (seethingly) jealous of your disposal income and free time and such, the reality isn't always that. As long as you've got someone in your life to have a laugh with, that is the main thing.
I take the point made above about someone to look after you in your old age, but quite frankly you've got the time and money to plan for that sort of shit so ...
I won't bank on the kids wiping my arse in my old age. My sister and I don't even live in the same city as my folks anymore. That is the way of the world
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@chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan Hopefully I will have a Russian sex doll that can do that
Shit mate, there are some days I wish I was single and ready to mingle. But it doesn't motivate me to get off the couch.... Kids are great, but as many have intimated it totally farks with your love life and any other adult life you had is severely curbed. But reliving stuff from childhood with them is cool
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We've had ours pretty late in the piece (42 with an almost 4 year old and 9 month old) so that's meant more $$ stability, but less energy and more work commitments to juggle alongside parenting.
We always wanted kids and for a while we were lucky just to have one (loooong IVF journey). For a while we did have to consider what our plan B would be - adoption or no kids at all. Luckily things worked out but I have to admit we had some low/sad times when confronting the reality that we might not be able to have kids. Never got far along that path to wake up to the financial and time freedom that would be possible without the rug rats
We've got several couples in our wider group that haven't wanted or been able to have kids. I think the biggest thing we've learnt as a family is it's way easier to catch up with other people who have kids. You are on similar schedules or it's easier to have a coffee with a mate at the park while the kids play. Where your sans-kids friends would often rather a cafe or bar!!
But if you don't want kids then go for gold (with protection of course!) - no one should be pressured into kids and there are heaps of pathways to a satisfying and fulfilling life without them imo.
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do you mind if i add a supplementary question?
how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based
Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people
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My wife and I chose not to have kids, similar to @chimoaus , that there were hereditary issues we didn't want to pass on, nor did we think we were financially secure enough to support one (when we were younger)
My wife hates getting asked about why we made this decision, she seems to cop that more than I do. She has always felt pressure for that decision, although some not intentional it still creates anxiety.
Most of our friends and family have kids and we like spending time with them and their kids (and additionally) handing them back. I have the utmost respect for parents and but I am glad we also don't have that additional responsibility. Occasionally we also think what if? I think that is natural, but overall we are still happy with our decision. Given I have also spent most of the last 5 years (except 2020) doing a large amount international travel for work, I think my wife would have left me if we had to raise a child as well.
Thanks for posting @chimoaus , somewhat therapeutic just typing
cheers
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I really don't understand smug bastards with kids who call those who choose not to have them "selfish". Where is the rulebook for life that says you have to breed? In fact, you could probably mount a much better argument that having more than 1 kid is the far more selfish option.
Its truly weird to me
And for the record, I have 3 of the little fuckers, and I remind myself daily how much I love them
