-
@No-Quarter wow bro, that is tough, but I think if you are able to talk about it, albeit to largely strangers, is a good step.
As your boys are all quite young, makes it tougher, cos you will be there putting up that outward strength for them, while inside heart broken.
I hope you have someone you can speak to, and likely pop round to see you in the evenings when they go to bed, even if it is just to be in your presence to sit in silence and watch a movie or vent to them.
I can appreciatewhere @MN5 is coming from re not being afarid to show emotions to your kids, but it is a fine balance as they look to you for everything.
While different situations, but kinda relatable, Mrs TR had a melanoma a few years back, and obviously for her, for our kids outwardly I wanted to be strong for them, while inwardly all I could think about was the worst case scenario, as I have mentioned, for me, the gym is where I can go to let it out so I was able to be strong for them, similarly, you need to find your balance.
But the fact you feel you can talk about it, shows you should be on the right path for you, your kids and your wife.
-
@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
@No-Quarter wow bro, that is tough, but I think if you are able to talk about it, albeit to largely strangers, is a good step.
As your boys are all quite young, makes it tougher, cos you will be there putting up that outward strength for them, while inside heart broken.
I hope you have someone you can speak to, and likely pop round to see you in the evenings when they go to bed, even if it is just to be in your presence to sit in silence and watch a movie or vent to them.
> I can appreciatewhere @MN5 is coming from re not being afarid to show emotions to your kids, but it is a fine balance as they look to you for everything.
While different situations, but kinda relatable, Mrs TR had a melanoma a few years back, and obviously for her, for our kids outwardly I wanted to be strong for them, while inwardly all I could think about was the worst case scenario, as I have mentioned, for me, the gym is where I can go to let it out so I was able to be strong for them, similarly, you need to find your balance.
But the fact you feel you can talk about it, shows you should be on the right path for you, your kids and your wife.
Yep it’s a fine line.
We’re ( as in Dads ) still that role model who needs to be tough and ready to face any situation head on and you certainly want to appear a bit ‘sensitive’ but not ‘weak’
Then again you don’t want to be the gruff fucker from generations ago who never said a word. It’s hard to get it completely right.
-
@No-Quarter
So sorry to hear what you're going through. It's hard enough dealing with it yourself let alone having to shield and take care of 3 small lads. Can totally relate to things being manageable when busy and your mind occupied but how shocking reality can hit when you take some time to think and process the situation. Im sure the grief and sadness are made much worse when thinking about how your boys must be hurting. The sheer helplessness is absolutely awful.All I can say is just hang in there and be the best Dad you can be. But also don't try to be a hero. Don't destroy yourself trying to do everything and disregarding your own needs. Your boys need the best version of you so reach out for help or accept help from those who offer. It's in the shittiest of times like this that you realise there are so many awesome and selfless people out there.
-
Essentially what everyone else has said. One minor thought...
@No-Quarter said in Happiness Scale:
I ended up engaging the mental health crisis team to intervene, and they were close to using the health act to take her into care against her will, but she ended up engaging with them on her own accord
Our experience is that those teams are very good, but they can be swamped by the wider level of need at times. So at times you may have to be assertive (and not feel too guilty about it) just due to their sheer workload. The system has some great people, but it can take a bit of navigating.
These things can be more of a marathon than a sprint, so the general self care advice is wise. Even though it's trickier to act on in these times.
-
Thanks guys for all of your kind messages, support, lots of good advice, and also speaking about your own experiences. It's a bit overwhelming, you really are a good bunch of fluffybunnies (or Polish chicks, whichever). It has helped. It feels like my life has crumbled before my eyes and I've been powerless to do anything about it, but at least talking about it and hearing other peoples experiences makes me feel a bit less alone.
One positive of having the boys is that they've forced me to do some positive things with them, as I want them to form some good memories through all of this. Over the last few weeks we've watched 6 star wars movies, the originals and the prequels, which none of us had really seen before (I think I watched some of them when very young). Was great fun and the boys absolutely loved it so was a fun bonding experience.
-
@No-Quarter father and son Star Wars watching, sounds like you’ve got it all together bro 😎
They’ll love Clone Wars series. I watched them all through with my two sons and they are 10 years apart in age. Was just our little thing to bring us together which is amazing how therapeutic it can be.
-
@No-Quarter said in Happiness Scale:
Thanks guys for all of your kind messages, support, lots of good advice, and also speaking about your own experiences. It's a bit overwhelming, you really are a good bunch of fluffybunnies (or Polish chicks, whichever). It has helped. It feels like my life has crumbled before my eyes and I've been powerless to do anything about it, but at least talking about it and hearing other peoples experiences makes me feel a bit less alone.
One positive of having the boys is that they've forced me to do some positive things with them, as I want them to form some good memories through all of this. Over the last few weeks we've watched 6 star wars movies, the originals and the prequels, which none of us had really seen before (I think I watched some of them when very young). Was great fun and the boys absolutely loved it so was a fun bonding experience.
To maintain that positively, please, for the love of God do not expose them to the sequels!
Your boys are lucky to have you Mate.
-
@Rancid-Schnitzel LOL yeah my 11 year old has already looked those up, read the reviews, and decided we shouldn't both with that. That latest show "The Acolyte" looks absolutely diabolical. @ACT-Crusader yes the Clone Wars series is next on the list. They've also said they want to watch Transformers, there's stacks of those to watch as well, so plenty to keep us entertained over winter
-
@No-Quarter said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel LOL yeah my 11 year old has already looked those up, read the reviews, and decided we shouldn't both with that. That latest show "The Acolyte" looks absolutely diabolical. @ACT-Crusader yes the Clone Wars series is next on the list. They've also said they want to watch Transformers, there's stacks of those to watch as well, so plenty to keep us entertained over winter
He's old enough to embark on some Arnie films. Start with Commando and work up to Predator and Terminator. Funny that 12 year old CF Jr thought Predator was a bit lame. Bloody Fortnight/ Tiktok generation
-
How can he think for one minute it's lame when it has a line like "ain't got time to bleed"?
-
@Catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
How can he think for one minute it's lame when it has a line like "ain't got time to bleed"?
It didn't dampen my enjoyment of the film, he can be a disappointment at times. He did thoroughly enjoy Commando though
-
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@No-Quarter said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel LOL yeah my 11 year old has already looked those up, read the reviews, and decided we shouldn't both with that. That latest show "The Acolyte" looks absolutely diabolical. @ACT-Crusader yes the Clone Wars series is next on the list. They've also said they want to watch Transformers, there's stacks of those to watch as well, so plenty to keep us entertained over winter
He's old enough to embark on some Arnie films. Start with Commando and work up to Predator and Terminator. Funny that 12 year old CF Jr thought Predator was a bit lame. Bloody Fortnight/ Tiktok generation
You have no son !!!!!
-
Off topic and I’ve probably mentioned it numerous times but I always found it odd that Commando never got a sequel.
Is there any other big budget 80s action flicks you can say that about ?
Aliens, Robocop, Terminator, The Thing, Rambo, Rocky, Lethal Weapon, Blade, Top Gun ( albeit years later )…..the list goes on
-
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
Off topic and I’ve probably mentioned it numerous times but I always found it odd that Commando never got a sequel.
Is there any other big budget 80s action flicks you can say that about ?
Aliens, Robocop, Terminator, The Thing, Rambo, Rocky, Lethal Weapon, Blade, Top Gun ( albeit years later )…..the list goes on
Well everyone was dead when he finished.
https://i.imgur.com/x4eGvwu.mp4
Even Sully
-
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
Off topic and I’ve probably mentioned it numerous times but I always found it odd that Commando never got a sequel.
Is there any other big budget 80s action flicks you can say that about ?
Aliens, Robocop, Terminator, The Thing, Rambo, Rocky, Lethal Weapon, Blade, Top Gun ( albeit years later )…..the list goes on
Well everyone was dead when he finished.
https://i.imgur.com/x4eGvwu.mp4
Even Sully
Sully might have survived that fall…..
….and all the other scumbags woulda had friends and relatives eager to avenge them
-
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
Off topic and I’ve probably mentioned it numerous times but I always found it odd that Commando never got a sequel.
Is there any other big budget 80s action flicks you can say that about ?
Aliens, Robocop, Terminator, The Thing, Rambo, Rocky, Lethal Weapon, Blade, Top Gun ( albeit years later )…..the list goes on
The Matrix.
(Wrong thread, I know)
-
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
He did thoroughly enjoy Commando though
Are...are we still talking movies?
Also...@ACT-Crusader you god bothered you, you're not supposed to be such a hippy.
-
I'm just here to help @No-Quarter
-
For the last few weeks I've had to work until 3am to make lectures, apply for grants etc. A lot of it because someone high up cancelled and I had to fill in.
Have been absolutely exhausted, have come to some good conclusions, but really don't want to continue working like this. The problem is that to succeed as an academic you have to do this for years. I could take a risk, leave for a company on six months funding, then might be locked out of academia for ever.
Have a big deadline coming up, but need to go home for a rest. I've barely been insufferable even when we've won.
Most weekends now I am completely empty and can't socialise, so just stay home.
Happiness Scale
